Mak at work :)
i looove the color bit..
must admit that if i were to manage those hangers, don't think i would have thought for such arrangement...
p.s mak's words - "teghertib lendit"
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
teghertib lendit
Mak at work :)
i looove the color bit..
must admit that if i were to manage those hangers, don't think i would have thought for such arrangement...
p.s mak's words - "teghertib lendit"
Thursday, October 01, 2009
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Sunday, May 24, 2009
Daily Reflections - Results
the results for anything we do are either as we expected or better in which case we should be thankful to Allah, or they may worse than what we expect, in which case we should be patient and also be thankful to Allah.
whether it be exam results, work related, or even looking for a potential spouse. sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes you don't. but in both cases it is good for the believer,
The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, “Amazing is the situation of the Mu’min (believer); his affairs are always good, and this is for no one but the Mu’min. If something good happens to him he is thankful, and that is good for him. And if hardship befalls him he is patient, and that, too, is good for him.” (Muslim)
the results and outcome that we get has already been decreed to happen 50000 years before creation.
“Allah had written the ordained measures (and due proportions) of the creation, fifty-thousand years before the creation of the Heavens and the Earth...” (Muslim)
so if you do get a bad result, remember that is what was decided by Allah in his infinite wisdom, and we do not know what benefit will come out of it and maybe in a few weeks months/years you will look back and see the blessings of the supposedly "bad" result.
“And it may be that you dislike a thing that is good for you...” (Qur'an 2:216)
and don't think that this small setback will change who you are, or what you will become, or who you will get married to, or how much you'll earn... because
“And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him” (Qur'an 65:3)
and
~Narrated Umar bin Al-kKhattab: I heard Allah's Messenger saying: "If you all relied on Allah with due reliance, he would certainly give you provision as he gives it to birds who issue forth hungry in the morning and return with full belly at dusk." (Tirmidhi)
so if you do get a bad result don't worry about it too much, there are more important things in life and be content with what Allah has given you, and you will be successful!
“Allah [Alone] is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs [for us]. So they returned with Grace and Bounty from Allah. No harm touched them; and they followed the good Pleasure of Allah. And Allah is the Owner of Great Bounty. (Qur'an 3:174)
O Allah give us all what's best for us, and accept our Dua's - Ameen
whether it be exam results, work related, or even looking for a potential spouse. sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes you don't. but in both cases it is good for the believer,
The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, “Amazing is the situation of the Mu’min (believer); his affairs are always good, and this is for no one but the Mu’min. If something good happens to him he is thankful, and that is good for him. And if hardship befalls him he is patient, and that, too, is good for him.” (Muslim)
the results and outcome that we get has already been decreed to happen 50000 years before creation.
“Allah had written the ordained measures (and due proportions) of the creation, fifty-thousand years before the creation of the Heavens and the Earth...” (Muslim)
so if you do get a bad result, remember that is what was decided by Allah in his infinite wisdom, and we do not know what benefit will come out of it and maybe in a few weeks months/years you will look back and see the blessings of the supposedly "bad" result.
“And it may be that you dislike a thing that is good for you...” (Qur'an 2:216)
and don't think that this small setback will change who you are, or what you will become, or who you will get married to, or how much you'll earn... because
“And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him” (Qur'an 65:3)
and
~Narrated Umar bin Al-kKhattab: I heard Allah's Messenger saying: "If you all relied on Allah with due reliance, he would certainly give you provision as he gives it to birds who issue forth hungry in the morning and return with full belly at dusk." (Tirmidhi)
so if you do get a bad result don't worry about it too much, there are more important things in life and be content with what Allah has given you, and you will be successful!
“Allah [Alone] is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs [for us]. So they returned with Grace and Bounty from Allah. No harm touched them; and they followed the good Pleasure of Allah. And Allah is the Owner of Great Bounty. (Qur'an 3:174)
O Allah give us all what's best for us, and accept our Dua's - Ameen
each time
it's hard each time you go...
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Arrived home from the airport, sat in the car for a while - to gather strengths before going into the house and face the emptiness amongst the traces you left behind.
i dragged myself to pick every bits and traces of you -
the flip-flop
the sajadah
the gandoura
the perfume
the accumulatingly left-behind luggages
the mugs
the breakfast cereal
the toileteries
i need to register each of them, where there are - so that i would not come upon them unprepared - their rip-my-heart power is getting stronger - each time.
O how do i deal with the empty side of the bed tonite...
and how do i cope waking up, wishing that today's episode was yet another dream and that you're still nearby..
O God give me strength each time i sense that familiar scent.
.jpg)
Arrived home from the airport, sat in the car for a while - to gather strengths before going into the house and face the emptiness amongst the traces you left behind.
i dragged myself to pick every bits and traces of you -
the flip-flop
the sajadah
the gandoura
the perfume
the accumulatingly left-behind luggages
the mugs
the breakfast cereal
the toileteries
i need to register each of them, where there are - so that i would not come upon them unprepared - their rip-my-heart power is getting stronger - each time.
O how do i deal with the empty side of the bed tonite...
and how do i cope waking up, wishing that today's episode was yet another dream and that you're still nearby..
O God give me strength each time i sense that familiar scent.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Daily Reflections - A Journey
You’re on a journey. The journey is life. The destination is Paradise or Hell. The path you take on your journey will determine your destination. The length of your journey is not fixed; it will vary for each individual with some arriving at their destination in their youth whereas other will reach old age before they arrive. Yet one thing for certain is that everyone WILL arrive at their destination.
The Prophet (s.a.w) said ”What have I got to do with the material world. The example of the material world and I is that of a traveller. Travelling in the afternoon heat, he stopped to rest under the shade of a tree for some moments. Then, he rose and left it.”- (Ahmad, Tirmidhi. The hadith is Hasan.)
Ibn Umar narrates: one day I was with the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) He then turned to me, held my shoulders with both of his blessed hands, and said: “Be in this life like a stranger or a traveller.”
And whenever Ibn Umar narrated this to his disciples he would add: “If you reach the evening, do not await (to be alive) by dawn, And if you reach dawn, do not await (to be alive) by evening. Take advantage of your Health before you fall sick. And take advantage of your life, before you die” (Bukhari)
Every day that goes by, you get nearer to your destination. Some people have understood - spending every minute preparing with the best of provisions. However many are ignorant and heedless and take with them only that which will burden them.
Ali (r.a) once stood at the head of a grave and said to his companion, “If he had a chance to return to this life, what do you think he would do?” His companion replied, “He would do nothing but good deeds.” Ali (r.a) then said, “If it is not going to be him, then let it be you.”
Al Fudayl ibn Iyaadh (r.a) once sat with a senior and asked him,
How old are you?
The man replied, 60 years old.
Did you know, said Al Fudayl, that for 60 years you have been travelling towards your Lord, and that you have almost arrived. The man was reduced to silence.
He whispered, “Inna lillaahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raajioon” (To Allah we belong and to Him we return).
Al Fudayl asked, Do you know the meaning of that statement. You are saying that you are Allah’s slave and that to Him you are returning. Whoever knows that he is the slave of Allah, and that to Him he shall return, should know that he shall be stopped on the day of judgement. And whoever knows that he will be stopped, let him also know that he will be responsible for what he did in life. And whoever knows that he will be responsible for what he did, let him know that he will be questioned. And whoever knows that he will be questioned, let him prepare an answer now!
What then shall I do? asked the man.
It is simple, said Al Fudayl. Do good in what is left of your life, forgiven shall be your past. If not, you shall be taken to account for the past and what is to come.
Ibn Abbas (r.a) heard the Prophet (s.a.w) advising someone saying, “Take advantage of five before five: Your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before you become occupied, and your life before your death.”
What will our destination be? Let us prepare while we are on the journey before we arrive and there is no turning back.
The Prophet (s.a.w) said ”What have I got to do with the material world. The example of the material world and I is that of a traveller. Travelling in the afternoon heat, he stopped to rest under the shade of a tree for some moments. Then, he rose and left it.”- (Ahmad, Tirmidhi. The hadith is Hasan.)
Ibn Umar narrates: one day I was with the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) He then turned to me, held my shoulders with both of his blessed hands, and said: “Be in this life like a stranger or a traveller.”
And whenever Ibn Umar narrated this to his disciples he would add: “If you reach the evening, do not await (to be alive) by dawn, And if you reach dawn, do not await (to be alive) by evening. Take advantage of your Health before you fall sick. And take advantage of your life, before you die” (Bukhari)
Every day that goes by, you get nearer to your destination. Some people have understood - spending every minute preparing with the best of provisions. However many are ignorant and heedless and take with them only that which will burden them.
Ali (r.a) once stood at the head of a grave and said to his companion, “If he had a chance to return to this life, what do you think he would do?” His companion replied, “He would do nothing but good deeds.” Ali (r.a) then said, “If it is not going to be him, then let it be you.”
Al Fudayl ibn Iyaadh (r.a) once sat with a senior and asked him,
How old are you?
The man replied, 60 years old.
Did you know, said Al Fudayl, that for 60 years you have been travelling towards your Lord, and that you have almost arrived. The man was reduced to silence.
He whispered, “Inna lillaahi wa Inna Ilayhi Raajioon” (To Allah we belong and to Him we return).
Al Fudayl asked, Do you know the meaning of that statement. You are saying that you are Allah’s slave and that to Him you are returning. Whoever knows that he is the slave of Allah, and that to Him he shall return, should know that he shall be stopped on the day of judgement. And whoever knows that he will be stopped, let him also know that he will be responsible for what he did in life. And whoever knows that he will be responsible for what he did, let him know that he will be questioned. And whoever knows that he will be questioned, let him prepare an answer now!
What then shall I do? asked the man.
It is simple, said Al Fudayl. Do good in what is left of your life, forgiven shall be your past. If not, you shall be taken to account for the past and what is to come.
Ibn Abbas (r.a) heard the Prophet (s.a.w) advising someone saying, “Take advantage of five before five: Your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before you become occupied, and your life before your death.”
What will our destination be? Let us prepare while we are on the journey before we arrive and there is no turning back.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
quote
* reflect on the work of art and you may attain to the artist
* 'Trust' contains an ocean of meaning, but underneath it all is the sense of responsibility, the sense of having to appear before Him and to account for one's actions.
* 'Trust' contains an ocean of meaning, but underneath it all is the sense of responsibility, the sense of having to appear before Him and to account for one's actions.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tips for Living
1. Stay out of trouble.
2. Aim for greater heights.
3. Stay focused on your job.
4. Exercise to maintain good health.
5. Practice team work.
6. Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back. Take your time trusting others.
7. Save for rainy days.
8. Rest and relax.
9. Always take time to smile..
AND
10. Realize that nothing is impossible.
Friday, May 08, 2009
Mother's Day
It's Mother's Day tomorrow, and i am travelling up north - with Mak, taking her to her sanctuary...
Am taking monday and tuesday off to extend the stay @ kampung. 12th May - Mak's 64th birthday, and i am set to be all yours - at your service, Mak.
Ya Allah, berikanlah ketenangan dan keafiatan buat Mak.
Happy Mother's Day and Happy Birthday, Mak!
Love you.
Am taking monday and tuesday off to extend the stay @ kampung. 12th May - Mak's 64th birthday, and i am set to be all yours - at your service, Mak.
Ya Allah, berikanlah ketenangan dan keafiatan buat Mak.
Happy Mother's Day and Happy Birthday, Mak!
Love you.
Doa Selepas Wirid Ma'thurat
Ya Allah,
kurniakanlah kami
lisan yang lembut basah mengingati dan menyebut namaMu
hati yang penuh segar mensyukuri (nikmat)Mu
serta badan yang ringan menyempurnakan kataatan kepada (perintah)Mu
Ya Allah,
kurniakanlah kami
iman yang sempurna
hati yang kyusuk
ilmu yang berguna
keyakinan yang benar-benar mantap
kurniakanlah kami (Ya Allah)
cara hidup (din) yang jitu dan unggul
selamat dari segala mara bahaya dan petaka
kami mohon (Ya Allah)
kecukupan yang tidak sampai kami terpaksa meminta jasa orang lain
berikanlah kami (Ya Allah)
iman yang yang sebenarnya
sehingga kami tidak lagi gentar
atau mengharap orang lain selain dari Engkau sendiri
kembangkanlah lembayung rahmatMu
kepada kami
keluarga dan anak-anak kami
serta sesiapa sahaja yang bersama-sama kami
Janganlah (Ya Allah)
Engkau biarkan nasib kami ditentukan oleh diri kami sendiri
Walaupun kadar sekelip mata
atau kadar masa yang lebih mudah dan cepat
memperkenankan pinta (perkenankanlah)
Selawat dan restu Allah untuk junjungan kami Muhammad (SAW)
Nabi yang mulia
kepada keluarga Baginda dan para sahabat Baginda amnya.
kurniakanlah kami
lisan yang lembut basah mengingati dan menyebut namaMu
hati yang penuh segar mensyukuri (nikmat)Mu
serta badan yang ringan menyempurnakan kataatan kepada (perintah)Mu
Ya Allah,
kurniakanlah kami
iman yang sempurna
hati yang kyusuk
ilmu yang berguna
keyakinan yang benar-benar mantap
kurniakanlah kami (Ya Allah)
cara hidup (din) yang jitu dan unggul
selamat dari segala mara bahaya dan petaka
kami mohon (Ya Allah)
kecukupan yang tidak sampai kami terpaksa meminta jasa orang lain
berikanlah kami (Ya Allah)
iman yang yang sebenarnya
sehingga kami tidak lagi gentar
atau mengharap orang lain selain dari Engkau sendiri
kembangkanlah lembayung rahmatMu
kepada kami
keluarga dan anak-anak kami
serta sesiapa sahaja yang bersama-sama kami
Janganlah (Ya Allah)
Engkau biarkan nasib kami ditentukan oleh diri kami sendiri
Walaupun kadar sekelip mata
atau kadar masa yang lebih mudah dan cepat
memperkenankan pinta (perkenankanlah)
Selawat dan restu Allah untuk junjungan kami Muhammad (SAW)
Nabi yang mulia
kepada keluarga Baginda dan para sahabat Baginda amnya.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
thoughts
5 simple rules to be happy
Free your heart from hatred
Free your minds from worries
Live simply
Give more
Expect less
No one can go back and make a brand new start
Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending
God didn’t promise days without pain
Laughter without sorrow
Sun without rain
But he did promise
strength for the day
comfort for the tears
and light for the way
Disappointments are like road humps
They slow you down a bit
But you enjoy the smooth road afterwards
Don’t stay on the humps too long
Move on
When you feel down because you didn’t get what you want
Just sit tight and be happy
Because God is thinking of something better to give you
When something happens to you
good or bad
consider what it means
There’s a purpose to life’s event
To teach you how to laugh more
Or not to cry too hard
You can’t make someone love you
All you can do is be someone who can be loved
The rest is up to the person to realize your worth
The measure of love is when you love without measure
In life there are very rare chances that you’ll meet the person you love
And loves you in return
So once you have it don’t ever let go
The chance might never come your way again
It’s better to lose your pride to the one you love
Than to lose the one you love because of pride
We spend too much time
Looking for the right person to love
Or finding fault with those we already love
When instead we should be perfecting the love we give
When you truly care for someone
You don’t look for faults
You don’t look for answers
You don’t look for mistakes
Instead, you fight the mistakes
You accept the faults
And you overlook the excuses
Free your heart from hatred
Free your minds from worries
Live simply
Give more
Expect less
No one can go back and make a brand new start
Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending
God didn’t promise days without pain
Laughter without sorrow
Sun without rain
But he did promise
strength for the day
comfort for the tears
and light for the way
Disappointments are like road humps
They slow you down a bit
But you enjoy the smooth road afterwards
Don’t stay on the humps too long
Move on
When you feel down because you didn’t get what you want
Just sit tight and be happy
Because God is thinking of something better to give you
When something happens to you
good or bad
consider what it means
There’s a purpose to life’s event
To teach you how to laugh more
Or not to cry too hard
You can’t make someone love you
All you can do is be someone who can be loved
The rest is up to the person to realize your worth
The measure of love is when you love without measure
In life there are very rare chances that you’ll meet the person you love
And loves you in return
So once you have it don’t ever let go
The chance might never come your way again
It’s better to lose your pride to the one you love
Than to lose the one you love because of pride
We spend too much time
Looking for the right person to love
Or finding fault with those we already love
When instead we should be perfecting the love we give
When you truly care for someone
You don’t look for faults
You don’t look for answers
You don’t look for mistakes
Instead, you fight the mistakes
You accept the faults
And you overlook the excuses
Monday, April 20, 2009
Translation : A Marriage / A Union
Aiyuha Zawjee (husband), ponder this
A marriage or a union
Reveals a veiled secret
For the wife you married
Is not as noble as Khadijah
Nor is she as muttaqeen as Aisyah
Nor is she as persevering as Fatimah
In fact
Your wife is only a woman who at the end of her lifetime
Has ambition to be solehah
A marriage or a union
Teaches us our mutual obligations
A wife is the mother earth, you are the protecting sky
A wife is the planted fields, you are the fence
If the wife is deemed as the tamed animals, you are the shepherd
A wife is the student, you are the mursyidun
A wife is like a child, you are her source of pampering
In the moment, a wife is the honey, you drink to your heart's desire
In the moment, a wife is the poison, you are her antidote
If a wife is a curved bone
Be extra gently when straightening her
A marriage or a union
It brings us a humbling realisation
The need for iman and taqwa
To teeter the bridge of patience and Allah's acceptance
For having a wife who is not as perfect
Will inevitably jolt you from your ponderings
You are not Rasullullah saw
Nor are you Sayyidina Ali Karamallahhuwajhah
You are only a man who at the end of his lifetime
is striving to be a solihin
Amin..
Aiyuha Zawjatee (wife), ponder this
A marriage or a union
Reveals a veiled secret
That the husband who marries you
Is not as noble as Muhammad saw
Nor is he as muttaqin as Ibrahim
Nor is he as persevering as Ayyub
Nor is he as strong as Musa
Nor as dashing as Yusuf
In fact,
Your husband is only a man who at the end of his lifetime
Has ambition to leave behind
Descendents of soliheen
A marriage or a union
Teaches us shared responsibilities
A husband as the covering, you are the content
A husband as the ship captain, you are the navigator
A husband is like a cheeky actor,
you are his captivated audience
In the moment, your husband is a king
You relish the grapes of his paradise
In the moment, your husband becomes the venom, you are the antidote
If a husband turns snappish and hurtful,
have patience to remind him
A marriage or a union
It brings us a humbling realisation
The need for iman and taqwa
To teeter the bridge of patience and Allah's acceptance
Of Allah swt
For having a husband not as courageous
Will Inevitably jolt you from your ponderings
You are not Khadijah
who is perfect in caring for him
Nor are you Hajar who is so devoted despite her suffering
You are after all, only a woman at the end of her lifetime
Striving to be a solihah
Amin..
So, aiyuha Zawjee and Zawjatee
Do not expect too high
When you are obviously not as able
Zawjee and Zawjatee remember:
“Why long for a wife as great as Khadijah
when you yourself are not as noble as Rasullullah s.a.w
No need for a wife as beautiful as Balqis
when you yourself are not as great as Sulaiman
Why hope for a husband as dashing as Yusuf
When your love is not as pure as Zulaikha's
No need to look for a husband as capable as Ibrahim
When you are not as able as Hajar and Sarah...”
A marriage or a union
Reveals a veiled secret
For the wife you married
Is not as noble as Khadijah
Nor is she as muttaqeen as Aisyah
Nor is she as persevering as Fatimah
In fact
Your wife is only a woman who at the end of her lifetime
Has ambition to be solehah
A marriage or a union
Teaches us our mutual obligations
A wife is the mother earth, you are the protecting sky
A wife is the planted fields, you are the fence
If the wife is deemed as the tamed animals, you are the shepherd
A wife is the student, you are the mursyidun
A wife is like a child, you are her source of pampering
In the moment, a wife is the honey, you drink to your heart's desire
In the moment, a wife is the poison, you are her antidote
If a wife is a curved bone
Be extra gently when straightening her
A marriage or a union
It brings us a humbling realisation
The need for iman and taqwa
To teeter the bridge of patience and Allah's acceptance
For having a wife who is not as perfect
Will inevitably jolt you from your ponderings
You are not Rasullullah saw
Nor are you Sayyidina Ali Karamallahhuwajhah
You are only a man who at the end of his lifetime
is striving to be a solihin
Amin..
Aiyuha Zawjatee (wife), ponder this
A marriage or a union
Reveals a veiled secret
That the husband who marries you
Is not as noble as Muhammad saw
Nor is he as muttaqin as Ibrahim
Nor is he as persevering as Ayyub
Nor is he as strong as Musa
Nor as dashing as Yusuf
In fact,
Your husband is only a man who at the end of his lifetime
Has ambition to leave behind
Descendents of soliheen
A marriage or a union
Teaches us shared responsibilities
A husband as the covering, you are the content
A husband as the ship captain, you are the navigator
A husband is like a cheeky actor,
you are his captivated audience
In the moment, your husband is a king
You relish the grapes of his paradise
In the moment, your husband becomes the venom, you are the antidote
If a husband turns snappish and hurtful,
have patience to remind him
A marriage or a union
It brings us a humbling realisation
The need for iman and taqwa
To teeter the bridge of patience and Allah's acceptance
Of Allah swt
For having a husband not as courageous
Will Inevitably jolt you from your ponderings
You are not Khadijah
who is perfect in caring for him
Nor are you Hajar who is so devoted despite her suffering
You are after all, only a woman at the end of her lifetime
Striving to be a solihah
Amin..
So, aiyuha Zawjee and Zawjatee
Do not expect too high
When you are obviously not as able
Zawjee and Zawjatee remember:
“Why long for a wife as great as Khadijah
when you yourself are not as noble as Rasullullah s.a.w
No need for a wife as beautiful as Balqis
when you yourself are not as great as Sulaiman
Why hope for a husband as dashing as Yusuf
When your love is not as pure as Zulaikha's
No need to look for a husband as capable as Ibrahim
When you are not as able as Hajar and Sarah...”
Pernikahan atau perkahwinan
A friend forwarded this piece which i find so very beautiful and deep. Not that they are something new or that i am oblivious of them, but i appreciate the piece.
Wahai SUAMI.... renungkanlah
Pernikahan atau perkahwinan
menyingkap tabir rahsia
Isteri yang kamu nikahi
tidaklah semulia Khadijah
Tidaklah setaqwa Aisyah
Tidaklah setabah Fatimah
Justeru,
Isterimu hanyalah wanita akhir zaman
yang punya cita-cita menjadi solehah..
Pernikahan atau perkahwinan
mengajar kita kewajiban bersama
Isteri menjadi tanah, kamu langit penaungnya
Isteri ladang tanaman, kamu pemagarnya
Isteri kiasan ternakan, kamu gembalanya
Isteri adalah murid, kamu mursyidnya
Isteri bagaikan anak kecil, kamu tempat bermanjanya
Saat is teri menjadi madu, kamu teguklah sepuasnya
Setika isteri menjadi racun, kamulah penawar bisanya
Seandai isteri tulang yang bengkok,
berhatilah meluruskannya...
Pernikahan atau perkahwinan
menginsafkan kita,
perlunya iman dan taqwa
Untuk belajar meniti sabar dan redho
ALLAH s.w.t kerana
Memiliki isteri yang tak sehebat mana
Justeru Kamu akan tersentak dari alpa
Kamu bukanlah Rasulullah s.a.w
Pun bukanlah Sayyidina Ali Karamallahhuwajhah
Cuma Suami akhir zaman
yang berusaha menjadi SOLEH....
Amin....
Wahai ISTERI pula...renungkanlah
Pernikahan atau perkahwinan
membuka tabir rahsia
Suami yang menikahi kamu
tidaklah semulia Muhammad s.a.w.
Tidaklah setaqwa Ibrahim
Tidak setabah Ayyub
Tidak segagah Musa
Apalagi setampan Yusuf
Justeru
Suamimu hanyalah lelaki akhir zaman
yang punya cita-cita membangun
keturunan yang soleh...
Pernikahan atau perkahwinan
mengajar kita kewajiban bersama
Suami menjadi pelindung, kamu penghuninya
Suami nakhoda kapal, kamu pengemudinya
Suami bagaikan pelakon yang nakal,
kamu adalah penonton kenakalannya
Saat suami menjadi raja
kamu nikmati anggur singgahsananya
Seketika suami menjadi bisa, kamulah penawar ubatnya
Seandainya suami bengis lagi lancang,
sabarlah memperingatkannya...
Pernikahan ataupun perkahwinan
mengajarkan kita
perlunya iman dan taqwa
Untuk belajar meniti sabar dan redho
ALLAH s.w.t. kerana
Memilik suami yang tak segagah mana..
Justeru Kamu akan tersentak dari alpa
Kamu bukanlah Khadijah
yang begitu sempurna di dalam menjaga
Bukanlah Hajar yang begitu setia dalam sengsara
Cuma wanita akhir zaman
yang berusaha menjadi SOLEHAH
Amin...
Justeru itu wahai SUAMI dan ISTERI
Jangan menuntut terlalu tinggi
Seandainya diri sendiri jelas tidak berupaya
SUAMI dan ISTERI ingatlah:
"Mengapa mendambakan isteri sehebat Khadijah
Andai diri tidak semulia Rasulullah s.a.w.
Tidak perlu isteri secantik Balqis
Andai diri tidak sehebat Sulaiman
Mengapa mengharapkan suami setampan Yusuf
Seandai kasih tak setulus Zulaikha
Tidak perlu mencari suami seteguh Ibrahim
Andai diri tidak sekuat Hajar dan Sarah...."
Wahai SUAMI.... renungkanlah
Pernikahan atau perkahwinan
menyingkap tabir rahsia
Isteri yang kamu nikahi
tidaklah semulia Khadijah
Tidaklah setaqwa Aisyah
Tidaklah setabah Fatimah
Justeru,
Isterimu hanyalah wanita akhir zaman
yang punya cita-cita menjadi solehah..
Pernikahan atau perkahwinan
mengajar kita kewajiban bersama
Isteri menjadi tanah, kamu langit penaungnya
Isteri ladang tanaman, kamu pemagarnya
Isteri kiasan ternakan, kamu gembalanya
Isteri adalah murid, kamu mursyidnya
Isteri bagaikan anak kecil, kamu tempat bermanjanya
Saat is teri menjadi madu, kamu teguklah sepuasnya
Setika isteri menjadi racun, kamulah penawar bisanya
Seandai isteri tulang yang bengkok,
berhatilah meluruskannya...
Pernikahan atau perkahwinan
menginsafkan kita,
perlunya iman dan taqwa
Untuk belajar meniti sabar dan redho
ALLAH s.w.t kerana
Memiliki isteri yang tak sehebat mana
Justeru Kamu akan tersentak dari alpa
Kamu bukanlah Rasulullah s.a.w
Pun bukanlah Sayyidina Ali Karamallahhuwajhah
Cuma Suami akhir zaman
yang berusaha menjadi SOLEH....
Amin....
Wahai ISTERI pula...renungkanlah
Pernikahan atau perkahwinan
membuka tabir rahsia
Suami yang menikahi kamu
tidaklah semulia Muhammad s.a.w.
Tidaklah setaqwa Ibrahim
Tidak setabah Ayyub
Tidak segagah Musa
Apalagi setampan Yusuf
Justeru
Suamimu hanyalah lelaki akhir zaman
yang punya cita-cita membangun
keturunan yang soleh...
Pernikahan atau perkahwinan
mengajar kita kewajiban bersama
Suami menjadi pelindung, kamu penghuninya
Suami nakhoda kapal, kamu pengemudinya
Suami bagaikan pelakon yang nakal,
kamu adalah penonton kenakalannya
Saat suami menjadi raja
kamu nikmati anggur singgahsananya
Seketika suami menjadi bisa, kamulah penawar ubatnya
Seandainya suami bengis lagi lancang,
sabarlah memperingatkannya...
Pernikahan ataupun perkahwinan
mengajarkan kita
perlunya iman dan taqwa
Untuk belajar meniti sabar dan redho
ALLAH s.w.t. kerana
Memilik suami yang tak segagah mana..
Justeru Kamu akan tersentak dari alpa
Kamu bukanlah Khadijah
yang begitu sempurna di dalam menjaga
Bukanlah Hajar yang begitu setia dalam sengsara
Cuma wanita akhir zaman
yang berusaha menjadi SOLEHAH
Amin...
Justeru itu wahai SUAMI dan ISTERI
Jangan menuntut terlalu tinggi
Seandainya diri sendiri jelas tidak berupaya
SUAMI dan ISTERI ingatlah:
"Mengapa mendambakan isteri sehebat Khadijah
Andai diri tidak semulia Rasulullah s.a.w.
Tidak perlu isteri secantik Balqis
Andai diri tidak sehebat Sulaiman
Mengapa mengharapkan suami setampan Yusuf
Seandai kasih tak setulus Zulaikha
Tidak perlu mencari suami seteguh Ibrahim
Andai diri tidak sekuat Hajar dan Sarah...."
Sunday, April 12, 2009
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Sunday, April 05, 2009
disposable
it's been a while since i last went for my slimming sanctuary session. my beautician phoebe greeted me with 5-6 other ladies at the reception, everyone grinning. phoebe approached and held my arms. said "kak n - you dah lain... sangat lain, sangat kurus...!". Kembang gue tak terbicara. such line are becoming quite familiar these days (amboi! belagaknya - hopefully i wont be clouded and lupa akan zaman selambak dulu). Phoebe took me to the room. Sepersalinan menanti for me to change. Only that, this time the disposeable undies is in the form of a disposable g-string! akak gelak besar hehehehehe.... what you see is not what you get... i've got a long way to go!
Saturday, April 04, 2009
a trip 'home'
was in S@M yesterday, for a business visit. Did not expect what's awaiting for me tho. I met the lot i used to work with for almost - 5 years. The last time i was there was the day i moved out - end July 2007. Approaching the office, i realized the growing pang of 'sadness', yet meeting everyone made me feel like i was returning 'home'.
lots of huggings and kisses with those on the floor. i dropped in the bosses rooms, said hello and update news on the happening around my 'new' job and the 'new' me.
it was nice to be received welcomingly.
the girls in particular came hugging and astonished with my new look, the slimmer me, alhamdulillah. it makes me feel so good and i am all too willing to share my regime, encouraging them that if i could do it - so could they. i must thank my personal trainer for the push (today taking her for lunch @ ayam penyek :)).
so much to catch up, so little time.. yet in the shortest of time sempat jugak the 'makciks' asked me some personal questions, the kind i have been living without for the last year or so.
when i was driving back to my office in kd, i was overwhelmed with today's experience (minus the intruding questions from the so-call makciks) - wanting to reach out for more from those lot. i dialed a few numbers to thank them and hope to see them again soon.
then i found myself calling KL who is the wife to one of the bigshot of SCP.
KL after registering that it was me (i'm with my current mobile number having discarded the one she kept) 'you calling nak jemput kenduri kawin ka?' i struggled to excuse my case and the fact that it was a small wedding at a masjid. She shot -'why? you think i dont enter masjid?'.. kena lagi!
then i shared with her my experience today - that i am identifying the sadness returning to SCP - because, i was returning to the place i had to leave kerana merajuk (duhh!). i was taken for granted for rounds of episodes and empty promises. some gave hopes and therefore i was hanging on to those. While i continued giving it all on my part, these people went home at the end of the day, good nite sleep tight and life goes on. The recognition wasn't balance. Merajuk? (oh dear!) but in the corporate world, and in life for that matter, one could merajuk big time and when you're not dealing with the right kind of people - it becomes - who cares - sapa nak pujuk? Noone is indispensable.
In my SCP case, KL's hubby requested for me to stay on - timely for him to chart his plans, but i was at the edge of falling and breaking - and with the opportunity i found - i left anyway - merajuk matched and terpujuk with the better opportunity. For over a year now, i worked at more than double the salary, at half the workload. That's pretty big bonus, alhamdulillah. He works mysteriously - putting one to a test and it's kunfayakun.
Continuing with my sharing with KL, telling her why i was not in touch for so long. I chose to keep myself away from those who knew too much - most people do that in recuperating. Not that it matters what others think and say, and neither am i putting them at fault. but i was at such a stage that i could be better off without the additional problem others could be creating for me. thank you.
At the end of the day - and for the sekian kalinya, one only needs Allah. People - friends and families - are some form of bonuses. YOU are in incharge of your own destiny / life, answerable only to Him... YOU make the choice - nak make a situation good or bad, recognize the hikmah disebalik sesuatu kejadian. it's never about merajuk sapa nak pujuk really ;) While whining and ranting every now and then - well i'm born pompuan!
Guide me Ya Allah.
lots of huggings and kisses with those on the floor. i dropped in the bosses rooms, said hello and update news on the happening around my 'new' job and the 'new' me.
it was nice to be received welcomingly.
the girls in particular came hugging and astonished with my new look, the slimmer me, alhamdulillah. it makes me feel so good and i am all too willing to share my regime, encouraging them that if i could do it - so could they. i must thank my personal trainer for the push (today taking her for lunch @ ayam penyek :)).
so much to catch up, so little time.. yet in the shortest of time sempat jugak the 'makciks' asked me some personal questions, the kind i have been living without for the last year or so.
when i was driving back to my office in kd, i was overwhelmed with today's experience (minus the intruding questions from the so-call makciks) - wanting to reach out for more from those lot. i dialed a few numbers to thank them and hope to see them again soon.
then i found myself calling KL who is the wife to one of the bigshot of SCP.
KL after registering that it was me (i'm with my current mobile number having discarded the one she kept) 'you calling nak jemput kenduri kawin ka?' i struggled to excuse my case and the fact that it was a small wedding at a masjid. She shot -'why? you think i dont enter masjid?'.. kena lagi!
then i shared with her my experience today - that i am identifying the sadness returning to SCP - because, i was returning to the place i had to leave kerana merajuk (duhh!). i was taken for granted for rounds of episodes and empty promises. some gave hopes and therefore i was hanging on to those. While i continued giving it all on my part, these people went home at the end of the day, good nite sleep tight and life goes on. The recognition wasn't balance. Merajuk? (oh dear!) but in the corporate world, and in life for that matter, one could merajuk big time and when you're not dealing with the right kind of people - it becomes - who cares - sapa nak pujuk? Noone is indispensable.
In my SCP case, KL's hubby requested for me to stay on - timely for him to chart his plans, but i was at the edge of falling and breaking - and with the opportunity i found - i left anyway - merajuk matched and terpujuk with the better opportunity. For over a year now, i worked at more than double the salary, at half the workload. That's pretty big bonus, alhamdulillah. He works mysteriously - putting one to a test and it's kunfayakun.
Continuing with my sharing with KL, telling her why i was not in touch for so long. I chose to keep myself away from those who knew too much - most people do that in recuperating. Not that it matters what others think and say, and neither am i putting them at fault. but i was at such a stage that i could be better off without the additional problem others could be creating for me. thank you.
At the end of the day - and for the sekian kalinya, one only needs Allah. People - friends and families - are some form of bonuses. YOU are in incharge of your own destiny / life, answerable only to Him... YOU make the choice - nak make a situation good or bad, recognize the hikmah disebalik sesuatu kejadian. it's never about merajuk sapa nak pujuk really ;) While whining and ranting every now and then - well i'm born pompuan!
Guide me Ya Allah.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
i wish
came home after the airport session
it felt so much emptier
and that pang of hollow
that's getting all too familar
each time you go ..
picked and safe-placed
all belongings
just need to eliminate
all spots, bumps and traces
that would add to the bleeding
of this wounded heart
am not looking forward
to waking up
in the midst of the nite
searching,
wondering
and coming to terms
with this stretching distance
all over again
life goes on
o yes - i will be okay
just that
- i wish ...
it felt so much emptier
and that pang of hollow
that's getting all too familar
each time you go ..
picked and safe-placed
all belongings
just need to eliminate
all spots, bumps and traces
that would add to the bleeding
of this wounded heart
am not looking forward
to waking up
in the midst of the nite
searching,
wondering
and coming to terms
with this stretching distance
all over again
life goes on
o yes - i will be okay
just that
- i wish ...
Sunday, March 22, 2009
insignificant
i cud be better
without that insignificant feeling
suddenly the excitement dies down
and i wish
time went slower
without that insignificant feeling
suddenly the excitement dies down
and i wish
time went slower
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
wonder no more
i used to wonder
why and why not
why is life so easy, breezy and glorifying for some
and so hard, sticky and demeaning for others
I used to get so upset and confused
when i’ve done all the right stuff
and worked my butt for my noble aim
and the result
- is an absolute miss
i used to wonder
how one could tolerate certain unbecoming situation
and not move on for a better option
i used to wonder,
what's life like with those at their 30, when i was 20
how is it like being 40, when i was 30,
as i turned 40,
i suppose i have a fair deal of life myself
to have that faith
that everything happens for a reason
as long as they are not against the prohibition of our deen,
one simply must have the faith
and put the best effort
for each nawaitu lillahita'ala
one gets her reward/share
for the faith
and for each of those effort
the end result - is of His dept,
if achieved is a bonus,
if it’s not, it’s not meant to be
– there’s something else in line for you..
Insyaallah.
why and why not
why is life so easy, breezy and glorifying for some
and so hard, sticky and demeaning for others
I used to get so upset and confused
when i’ve done all the right stuff
and worked my butt for my noble aim
and the result
- is an absolute miss
i used to wonder
how one could tolerate certain unbecoming situation
and not move on for a better option
i used to wonder,
what's life like with those at their 30, when i was 20
how is it like being 40, when i was 30,
as i turned 40,
i suppose i have a fair deal of life myself
to have that faith
that everything happens for a reason
as long as they are not against the prohibition of our deen,
one simply must have the faith
and put the best effort
for each nawaitu lillahita'ala
one gets her reward/share
for the faith
and for each of those effort
the end result - is of His dept,
if achieved is a bonus,
if it’s not, it’s not meant to be
– there’s something else in line for you..
Insyaallah.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
sa-ah
counting
7, 6, ...
panicking
while also
having the bliss
but
sekejapnya
sa-ah yang ada
oooo my zawja
can't complain
just can't have it all
simply cherish
and make the best
of each sa-ah
counting
7, 6, ...
panicking
7, 6, ...
panicking
while also
having the bliss
but
sekejapnya
sa-ah yang ada
oooo my zawja
can't complain
just can't have it all
simply cherish
and make the best
of each sa-ah
counting
7, 6, ...
panicking
Thursday, March 12, 2009
3 black men
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink 'willie'.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In fact, 'he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.'
After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'
'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?' asked the couple.
'Because I'm the guy who painted it,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.
The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink 'willie'.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In fact, 'he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.'
After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'
'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?' asked the couple.
'Because I'm the guy who painted it,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.
mungkir
Pada penyaksian
sebuah
ketidaksetiaan
kemungkiran
membawa aku
ke singkapan
perjalanan yang lalu
Hancur luluh
kala terbongkar
kesah pencerobohan
pada sedunia harapan
Gementar
perit
kecewa
gagal
kesal
berbaur
kehampaan
dan
kesedihan
Hatiku berserta
sungguh kesian
pada insan
yang berharap
pada kesetiaan zawaja
Peristiwa luka
mengajar
kupupuk dalam diri
hidupkan harapan
hanya padaMu Tuhan
Engkau tak pernah memungkiri janjiMu
Permudahkan perjalananku
sebuah
ketidaksetiaan
kemungkiran
membawa aku
ke singkapan
perjalanan yang lalu
Hancur luluh
kala terbongkar
kesah pencerobohan
pada sedunia harapan
Gementar
perit
kecewa
gagal
kesal
berbaur
kehampaan
dan
kesedihan
Hatiku berserta
sungguh kesian
pada insan
yang berharap
pada kesetiaan zawaja
Peristiwa luka
mengajar
kupupuk dalam diri
hidupkan harapan
hanya padaMu Tuhan
Engkau tak pernah memungkiri janjiMu
Permudahkan perjalananku
Thursday, February 26, 2009
masih
bergenang
airmata
menyimbau
waktu
cukup
padat
rasa
cantiknya
hampir sempurna
Tuhan
tentukan
rezeki hamba
rezeki
bertumpang
sementara
senyap
terbatas
tapi
tetap mensyukuri
tetap mengenang
masih
jauh tapi dekat
dalam doa
jauh lagi
perjalanan
kita
teman
doa
kita semua diberkati
airmata
menyimbau
waktu
cukup
padat
rasa
cantiknya
hampir sempurna
Tuhan
tentukan
rezeki hamba
rezeki
bertumpang
sementara
senyap
terbatas
tapi
tetap mensyukuri
tetap mengenang
masih
jauh tapi dekat
dalam doa
jauh lagi
perjalanan
kita
teman
doa
kita semua diberkati
Monday, February 16, 2009
A handbook
For each and every year indeed !
Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2008.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.*
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.*
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.*
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.*
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
Last but not the least:*
40. To share this with everyone you care about*
Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2008.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.*
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.*
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.*
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.*
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
Last but not the least:*
40. To share this with everyone you care about*
Sunday, February 15, 2009
sempadan
ku bina
sempadan
antara
ruang
yang mampu
ku lewati
kejauhan
ketidakpastian
yang selalu
menggores
rasa
duka
alahai..
kejauhan itu
dekatnya di hati
dan hati pun
sering
mengintai
tertanya
apa
kenapa
bila
tak tertanggung
menitip
kenapa duka
di cari?
akurlah
ruang mu
di sempadan ini
sempadan
antara
ruang
yang mampu
ku lewati
kejauhan
ketidakpastian
yang selalu
menggores
rasa
duka
alahai..
kejauhan itu
dekatnya di hati
dan hati pun
sering
mengintai
tertanya
apa
kenapa
bila
tak tertanggung
menitip
kenapa duka
di cari?
akurlah
ruang mu
di sempadan ini
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Our Hope is betwen our Tears
I love this piece. Simply need to store this for handy reference:
When trials come, as they do, what will the first words on our lips be?
To Umm Zayed, the words of the Istirjaa prayer - to Allah we belong and to Him will we return - helped her to reconcile with a sudden and unexpected loss.
WE are taught that we should not ask for or seek out trials or difficulties in life. In fact, our Prophet (peace be upon him) instructed us to “Seek refuge with Allah from trials and tribulations, both visible and hidden” (Sahih Muslim). Yet, the virtues and rewards of observing patience in the face of adversity is highly extolled in our deen.
In the story of Umm Al-Momineen, Umm Salamah, she narrates the events following the death of her beloved husband, Abu Salamah. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) taught her how best to respond to her trial, by teaching her the beautiful words of the Istirjaa.
She says:
“The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: ‘There is no Muslim who suffers a calamity and says what Allah has commanded: ‘Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raji’oon. Allahummaa ujurni fi musibati w’ukhluf li khayran minha’ (Truly! To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return. O Allah, reward me for my calamity and compensate me with something better than that), but Allah will compensate him with something better.
“When Abu Salamah died, I said, ‘Who among the Muslims could be better than Abu Salamah, the first family to migrate to the Messenger of Allah?’ Then I said (this Du’a) and Allah compensated me with the Messenger of Allah.” (Sahih Muslim).
The inspiring narrative ends on a happy note where she is blessed with a new husband in the person of the Prophet (peace be upon him) – a prospect she could never have imagined. This was the result of her faith, her patience and her Du’a at the time of her loss.
One can feel the emotional turmoil Umm Salamah went through and reflecting on the power of Allah, and make a Du’a: “Oh Allah, don’t put me into any trial. But if and when you do, for You do as You will, according to Your Wisdom, then guide me to remember You when calamity strikes. Guide me to the Istirjaa. Give me the strength of faith and soundness of mind to pray to you for patience and better compensation at that critical moment.”
“Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil).” (Qur’an, 2:155)
Indeed whatever is destined for us, good or bad, will come to pass. Allah can test us and whenever this will happen, don’t forget to say:
“Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raajioon. Allah humma ujurni fi musibati wa ikhlufli khairun minha.”
Indeed, Allah will listen our Du’a. Indeed Allah will guide us. Allah is Most Loving and Most Merciful to His servants.
The scholars have said that if we are guided to patience and to the words of Istirjaa after a disaster hits us, we should thank Allah for this honour. The Qur’an tells us: “… Give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere” (Qur’an, 2:155).
Every traumatic periods are short-lived. We should remind ourselves of the special blessing of Allah on us at hard times.
Only Allah Who took care of us yesterday and will take “O Allah, if and when you decide to try me again, guide my heart to more than patience. Guide me to the state of Ridha (pleasure in God’s decree and decision).”
Ameen.
When trials come, as they do, what will the first words on our lips be?
To Umm Zayed, the words of the Istirjaa prayer - to Allah we belong and to Him will we return - helped her to reconcile with a sudden and unexpected loss.
WE are taught that we should not ask for or seek out trials or difficulties in life. In fact, our Prophet (peace be upon him) instructed us to “Seek refuge with Allah from trials and tribulations, both visible and hidden” (Sahih Muslim). Yet, the virtues and rewards of observing patience in the face of adversity is highly extolled in our deen.
In the story of Umm Al-Momineen, Umm Salamah, she narrates the events following the death of her beloved husband, Abu Salamah. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) taught her how best to respond to her trial, by teaching her the beautiful words of the Istirjaa.
She says:
“The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: ‘There is no Muslim who suffers a calamity and says what Allah has commanded: ‘Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raji’oon. Allahummaa ujurni fi musibati w’ukhluf li khayran minha’ (Truly! To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return. O Allah, reward me for my calamity and compensate me with something better than that), but Allah will compensate him with something better.
“When Abu Salamah died, I said, ‘Who among the Muslims could be better than Abu Salamah, the first family to migrate to the Messenger of Allah?’ Then I said (this Du’a) and Allah compensated me with the Messenger of Allah.” (Sahih Muslim).
The inspiring narrative ends on a happy note where she is blessed with a new husband in the person of the Prophet (peace be upon him) – a prospect she could never have imagined. This was the result of her faith, her patience and her Du’a at the time of her loss.
One can feel the emotional turmoil Umm Salamah went through and reflecting on the power of Allah, and make a Du’a: “Oh Allah, don’t put me into any trial. But if and when you do, for You do as You will, according to Your Wisdom, then guide me to remember You when calamity strikes. Guide me to the Istirjaa. Give me the strength of faith and soundness of mind to pray to you for patience and better compensation at that critical moment.”
“Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil).” (Qur’an, 2:155)
Indeed whatever is destined for us, good or bad, will come to pass. Allah can test us and whenever this will happen, don’t forget to say:
“Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raajioon. Allah humma ujurni fi musibati wa ikhlufli khairun minha.”
Indeed, Allah will listen our Du’a. Indeed Allah will guide us. Allah is Most Loving and Most Merciful to His servants.
The scholars have said that if we are guided to patience and to the words of Istirjaa after a disaster hits us, we should thank Allah for this honour. The Qur’an tells us: “… Give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere” (Qur’an, 2:155).
Every traumatic periods are short-lived. We should remind ourselves of the special blessing of Allah on us at hard times.
Only Allah Who took care of us yesterday and will take “O Allah, if and when you decide to try me again, guide my heart to more than patience. Guide me to the state of Ridha (pleasure in God’s decree and decision).”
Ameen.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Doa untuk Mak
text from Makkah @ 2 October, 2008
Mak!
yang kusayang dan kurindui
kulihat RAMADHAN dari kejauhan
kudekati lalu aku sapa
ia hendak ke mana?
dengan lembut ia berkata:
Aku harus pergi
mungkin jauh dan sangat lama
tolong sampaikan pesanku untuk siMukmin
SYAWAL akan tiba sebentar lagi
ajaklah SABAR untuk temani hari-hari dukanya
peluklah ISTIQAMAH saat dia kelelahan
dalam perjalanan TAQWA,
bersandarlah pada TAWADHU' saat kesombongan menyerang
mintalah nasehat dari QURAN & SUNNAH
di setiap masalah yang dihadapi
sampaikan pula salam dan terimakasih untuknya
kerana menyambutku dengan sukacita
kelak akan aku sambut di SYURGA
di pintu AR-RAYYAN
Selamat IdulFitri
mohon maaf lahir dan bathin
Anakmu,
Yusuf & Ridwan
Mak!
yang kusayang dan kurindui
kulihat RAMADHAN dari kejauhan
kudekati lalu aku sapa
ia hendak ke mana?
dengan lembut ia berkata:
Aku harus pergi
mungkin jauh dan sangat lama
tolong sampaikan pesanku untuk siMukmin
SYAWAL akan tiba sebentar lagi
ajaklah SABAR untuk temani hari-hari dukanya
peluklah ISTIQAMAH saat dia kelelahan
dalam perjalanan TAQWA,
bersandarlah pada TAWADHU' saat kesombongan menyerang
mintalah nasehat dari QURAN & SUNNAH
di setiap masalah yang dihadapi
sampaikan pula salam dan terimakasih untuknya
kerana menyambutku dengan sukacita
kelak akan aku sambut di SYURGA
di pintu AR-RAYYAN
Selamat IdulFitri
mohon maaf lahir dan bathin
Anakmu,
Yusuf & Ridwan
Saturday, February 07, 2009
measurement
I got myself a new trainer and it's measurement day.. Becky my trainer did her job to plan for my next regime. She asked what's my priority - weight loss or body toning? Taking various factors of importance to me, told her i want a combo - loose a few more kgs and tone up, by end March. It's gonna be lots of hard work, but i am enjoying myself alright. Hope to progress timely for DH's next visit.
While waiting, Rina, another trainer, made remarks that she could not relate to how i could stand being so far apart from my husband - seeing one another only after 4 months or so. She quoted that her husband left for a week training and she was all so freaking out. LOL :) I didn't bother checking which aspect she's referring to her freaking ;) but i shared some thots with the young woman. That - some things in life go beyond our planning.
Never did i imagine going through a failed marriage. Was hoping and working hard to save it - thinking that's the best i should do. Then i found myself going through a divorce anyway. Painful it was, but at the end of it, i was definitely happier being a divorcee. Sure, there were all the problems being a divorcee, some of which were unthinkable and absurd.. understood only by those in the same boat. Lonely i was, but i was more at peace, felt more secure.
Then I met AA, eventually tied the knot. As much as i would love to be with my husband, live together like other couples do, i know i am in a better state of being today than i was before.
Daily I am dealing with my loneliness etc, etc, etc, but somewhere out there, i know i have someone who is also counting days to see me.
Life - has its measurement chart as well. Like my current weight which is yoyo-ing, i need to manage these selected factors listed in the chart. I pray hard, for His guidance, to improve and have the right factors worked-on. Timeline? to work as though you're living forever and prepare yourself like death is tomorrow.
Today, bi-iznillah, I am definitely better in terms of my weight; I am definitely stronger in terms of my being.
While waiting, Rina, another trainer, made remarks that she could not relate to how i could stand being so far apart from my husband - seeing one another only after 4 months or so. She quoted that her husband left for a week training and she was all so freaking out. LOL :) I didn't bother checking which aspect she's referring to her freaking ;) but i shared some thots with the young woman. That - some things in life go beyond our planning.
Never did i imagine going through a failed marriage. Was hoping and working hard to save it - thinking that's the best i should do. Then i found myself going through a divorce anyway. Painful it was, but at the end of it, i was definitely happier being a divorcee. Sure, there were all the problems being a divorcee, some of which were unthinkable and absurd.. understood only by those in the same boat. Lonely i was, but i was more at peace, felt more secure.
Then I met AA, eventually tied the knot. As much as i would love to be with my husband, live together like other couples do, i know i am in a better state of being today than i was before.
Daily I am dealing with my loneliness etc, etc, etc, but somewhere out there, i know i have someone who is also counting days to see me.
Life - has its measurement chart as well. Like my current weight which is yoyo-ing, i need to manage these selected factors listed in the chart. I pray hard, for His guidance, to improve and have the right factors worked-on. Timeline? to work as though you're living forever and prepare yourself like death is tomorrow.
Today, bi-iznillah, I am definitely better in terms of my weight; I am definitely stronger in terms of my being.
Anak Angkat
Was packing for CNY-balik kampong, making sure i got all the necessary packed. Included in the toiletries is a bottle of this perfume yang i dah lama tak pakai. Thot rather than have it crowding my dressing table, i might as well leave it with the rest for my options/consumption in penang.
The scent of the perfume took me back to so many episodes in years 2005-2006 when there were repeated tremor in my marriage. I am pleased that of all the mega episodes, the scent brought me to revisiting my trip attending to Adik Yusuf - a mutawwif who later adopted mak as his mother di Jabbal Rahmah.
I was driving and he was by my side. Masa tu terasa tersusuk hidung with the very scent.. too strong that i felt bad - berbaur antara malu, segan and dosa - memakai wangi-wangian and being with a non-muhrim. Well - it's "Adik" Yusuf to me - but nonetheless - he is a non-muhrim and hukumnya tetap haram! Awat la pi salah picit - terbanyak la pulak spray effect hence the VERY strong scent! Sendiri pun terasa pening lalat..kesian Adik Yusuf. Was thankful that he did not comment apa-2.... alahai.
Having visited the episode - terkenang pulak - whatever happened to him and the lot. Spoke to Adik Yusuf last after i received a text from him. The text was meant for Mak - a beautiful poem/doa from Makkah. He was with adik Ridwan and Feri. I miss all of them .. Adik Yusuf would normally call before visiting mak, almost each time he comes back from attending to Umrah or Hajj. And as usual - we dont take janji Adik Yusuf too seriously - we know very well that his schedule are sooo tak menentu with unplanned requests from jemaahs and what nots. Mak is so blessed, alhamdulillah, dikurniakan anak angkat in the capacity of Ustaz Yusuf... who has brought along his whole family to be part of our clan. Hence his mother, his wife Wardiah, the kids - Jabir, Yasin and Idris, Ustaz Ridwan, Nisa, Siti Khadijah and Siti Aminah in our life. I tumpang menempek jadi kakak... tumpang-tumpang hendaknya terpalit dalam their prayers.
Was in Tesco with Mak, CikLi, Qayyum and Aiman looking for stuff in mak's list. I noticed a miss call with an unfamiliar number. Thot i'd deal with it later. Before settling down in bed at around 11-nish, as though ada strong pull, i dialled the number. Didn't expect a pickup at that hour but thot at least i've made the effort to return the call. If it's of any importance - expect the other end to take the action.
CNY morning - monday, packing & getting prepared to head home to KL after asar. Was was showering when my mobile rang... 'Assalamualaikum kak...' the voice of adik Yusuf. He's somewhere in a hotel in Butterworth, arrived the few days before from Jeddah, to Melaka, to Penang to take a ferry home with his mom and parents-in-law after a 5 months stay in Mekah. Masyaallah... seronoknya, being in Mekah for 5 MONTHS! I imagine turning into an angel (heheheh!)... simply makan-tidor and lots of ibadah-taubat between Masjidil Haram and Masjid Nabawi.
I asked Adik Yusuf for an hour to be there fetch him and the additional clan. Mak and I took them to a restaurant known for its fresh ikan bakar in Bandar Perda. But since they insisted they have taken heavy breakfast, we bought fruits - some durian, manggis, dokong, tembikai, grapes instead.
Kisahnya - Adik Yusuf still cud not secure the ferry tickets. So main task, drive him to penang for the tickets. NOONE would be willing to drive to penang on a CNY day. I think it's being smart as well as thoughtful to free the roads and traffic for the Chinese for their visiting and raya-ing business. But there i was - around 1:20 pm joining thousands others struggling to stay insane, fighting the traffic with hundreds of other vehicles - ciluk-menciluk, caci-mencaci (not me laa), fingers and fists going up in the air. Seriously - never imagined i would be driving to Penang - on Chinese New Year Day!
Caught in the bloody jamm, Adik Yusuf sitting next to me, Qayyum and Aiman at the back seat. We went one round of tazkirah after checking on our bacaan al-Fatihah with al-ustaz, he covered the rukun solat, i forwarded a few kemushkilan between mazhabs - mine and DH's; went into kisah Ali (another Mutawwif - Adik Yusuf's anak penakan, was my mutawwif in my solo 2nd umrah) and his predicaments in selecting his wife (may Allah Guide him). Had a good laugh dengar ceritera Adik Yusof.. by 3:30pm we were still stucked at the bibir of the penang bridge!
Wa ga lu kong - it takes LOTS OF GUTS to have your car move 2 inches and it's about surviving the ciluk-menciluk (seriously - tengah jamm macam tu nak ciluk celah mana.. can't people just stay in their queue and behave civilized!). Kalau Adik Yusuf tak de, i could have joined the finger bisnes. Err.. who's talking about being civilized?
We got to the ticket counter around 4.30-ish, thankful to secure the last 4 tickets to Medan. Alhamdulillah.
Mak senyum sampai ke telinga happy jumpa her Anak Angkat again!
Trip home to Kl deferred to Tuesday morning.
The scent of the perfume took me back to so many episodes in years 2005-2006 when there were repeated tremor in my marriage. I am pleased that of all the mega episodes, the scent brought me to revisiting my trip attending to Adik Yusuf - a mutawwif who later adopted mak as his mother di Jabbal Rahmah.
I was driving and he was by my side. Masa tu terasa tersusuk hidung with the very scent.. too strong that i felt bad - berbaur antara malu, segan and dosa - memakai wangi-wangian and being with a non-muhrim. Well - it's "Adik" Yusuf to me - but nonetheless - he is a non-muhrim and hukumnya tetap haram! Awat la pi salah picit - terbanyak la pulak spray effect hence the VERY strong scent! Sendiri pun terasa pening lalat..kesian Adik Yusuf. Was thankful that he did not comment apa-2.... alahai.
Having visited the episode - terkenang pulak - whatever happened to him and the lot. Spoke to Adik Yusuf last after i received a text from him. The text was meant for Mak - a beautiful poem/doa from Makkah. He was with adik Ridwan and Feri. I miss all of them .. Adik Yusuf would normally call before visiting mak, almost each time he comes back from attending to Umrah or Hajj. And as usual - we dont take janji Adik Yusuf too seriously - we know very well that his schedule are sooo tak menentu with unplanned requests from jemaahs and what nots. Mak is so blessed, alhamdulillah, dikurniakan anak angkat in the capacity of Ustaz Yusuf... who has brought along his whole family to be part of our clan. Hence his mother, his wife Wardiah, the kids - Jabir, Yasin and Idris, Ustaz Ridwan, Nisa, Siti Khadijah and Siti Aminah in our life. I tumpang menempek jadi kakak... tumpang-tumpang hendaknya terpalit dalam their prayers.
Was in Tesco with Mak, CikLi, Qayyum and Aiman looking for stuff in mak's list. I noticed a miss call with an unfamiliar number. Thot i'd deal with it later. Before settling down in bed at around 11-nish, as though ada strong pull, i dialled the number. Didn't expect a pickup at that hour but thot at least i've made the effort to return the call. If it's of any importance - expect the other end to take the action.
CNY morning - monday, packing & getting prepared to head home to KL after asar. Was was showering when my mobile rang... 'Assalamualaikum kak...' the voice of adik Yusuf. He's somewhere in a hotel in Butterworth, arrived the few days before from Jeddah, to Melaka, to Penang to take a ferry home with his mom and parents-in-law after a 5 months stay in Mekah. Masyaallah... seronoknya, being in Mekah for 5 MONTHS! I imagine turning into an angel (heheheh!)... simply makan-tidor and lots of ibadah-taubat between Masjidil Haram and Masjid Nabawi.
I asked Adik Yusuf for an hour to be there fetch him and the additional clan. Mak and I took them to a restaurant known for its fresh ikan bakar in Bandar Perda. But since they insisted they have taken heavy breakfast, we bought fruits - some durian, manggis, dokong, tembikai, grapes instead.
Kisahnya - Adik Yusuf still cud not secure the ferry tickets. So main task, drive him to penang for the tickets. NOONE would be willing to drive to penang on a CNY day. I think it's being smart as well as thoughtful to free the roads and traffic for the Chinese for their visiting and raya-ing business. But there i was - around 1:20 pm joining thousands others struggling to stay insane, fighting the traffic with hundreds of other vehicles - ciluk-menciluk, caci-mencaci (not me laa), fingers and fists going up in the air. Seriously - never imagined i would be driving to Penang - on Chinese New Year Day!
Caught in the bloody jamm, Adik Yusuf sitting next to me, Qayyum and Aiman at the back seat. We went one round of tazkirah after checking on our bacaan al-Fatihah with al-ustaz, he covered the rukun solat, i forwarded a few kemushkilan between mazhabs - mine and DH's; went into kisah Ali (another Mutawwif - Adik Yusuf's anak penakan, was my mutawwif in my solo 2nd umrah) and his predicaments in selecting his wife (may Allah Guide him). Had a good laugh dengar ceritera Adik Yusof.. by 3:30pm we were still stucked at the bibir of the penang bridge!
Wa ga lu kong - it takes LOTS OF GUTS to have your car move 2 inches and it's about surviving the ciluk-menciluk (seriously - tengah jamm macam tu nak ciluk celah mana.. can't people just stay in their queue and behave civilized!). Kalau Adik Yusuf tak de, i could have joined the finger bisnes. Err.. who's talking about being civilized?
We got to the ticket counter around 4.30-ish, thankful to secure the last 4 tickets to Medan. Alhamdulillah.
Mak senyum sampai ke telinga happy jumpa her Anak Angkat again!
Trip home to Kl deferred to Tuesday morning.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Gaza Fund Appeal
'Somebody' made appearance on Astro appealing for the Gaza Fund donation. When i first saw it - i simply think the person is so unfit to be standing for such a noble course.
Some things are not tallying...
Some things are not tallying...
Sunday, February 01, 2009
He was 100% right
Found -
"I could have annihilated all the Jews of the whole world, But I deliberately left some of them alive, so all of you would know why I killed lot of them"
- Great Adolf Hitler
"I could have annihilated all the Jews of the whole world, But I deliberately left some of them alive, so all of you would know why I killed lot of them"
- Great Adolf Hitler
Friday, January 30, 2009
kosong
jauh
pandangan
luas
tak terbatas
tapi bersempadan
sekilas
ada bait ketenangan
seolah hanya aku dan alam
dengan deruan angin
mendung
mentari yang tak kelihatan
terasa hambar
terasa sepi
terasa kosong
pandangan
luas
tak terbatas
tapi bersempadan
sekilas
ada bait ketenangan
seolah hanya aku dan alam
dengan deruan angin
mendung
mentari yang tak kelihatan
terasa hambar
terasa sepi
terasa kosong
Get a life
Received the following in my email today. Had lots of ting! ting! ting! from it..some real good thots - I simply need to keep it handy.
This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD. Worth reading !!
"I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.
People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.
Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre at my job if those other things were not true.
You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?
Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.
Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.
It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.
I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived".
This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD. Worth reading !!
"I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.
People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.
Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre at my job if those other things were not true.
You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?
Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.
Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.
It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.
I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived".
Thursday, January 29, 2009
nervous
I watch
the face
in his sleep
i see
a prick of
discontentment
at day
covered by laughter
the world
sees
a strong man
crisscrossed
is the journey
love
happiness
trust
broken
to pieces
in the name of
the pillar of thoughts
for life
so be it
crashed
and crushed
getting-up
falling
and getting up again
layers of love
cracked
abandoned
the wounded hearts
are they curable?
I am
by your side
reaching and gauging
the emotions
surrendering
love
passion
hope
happiness
often
untimely
seemingly arrogant
heartless
i watch
your face
in your sleep
i see the prick of discontentment
you
as i am
we are nervous
with this journey
the face
in his sleep
i see
a prick of
discontentment
at day
covered by laughter
the world
sees
a strong man
crisscrossed
is the journey
love
happiness
trust
broken
to pieces
in the name of
the pillar of thoughts
for life
so be it
crashed
and crushed
getting-up
falling
and getting up again
layers of love
cracked
abandoned
the wounded hearts
are they curable?
I am
by your side
reaching and gauging
the emotions
surrendering
love
passion
hope
happiness
often
untimely
seemingly arrogant
heartless
i watch
your face
in your sleep
i see the prick of discontentment
you
as i am
we are nervous
with this journey
gementar
ku tatap
wajah
di depanku
dalam lena
terpalit keresahan
yang
dikelam
dengan tawa
dunia
melihat
tamamnya
seorang
lelaki
bersiur
perjalanan
cinta
bahagia
percaya
terlerai
berkecai
demi pegangan
paksi pedoman
hidup
biar terhempas
jatuh berkecai
bangun
jatuh
dan bangun lagi
lapisan cinta
retak kasih
terabai
robeknya hati
apakah terubat
aku
kini
di sisi
menyelam rasa
berserah
cinta
kasih
harapan
bahagia
sering
ditepis
nampak angkuh
tak berhati
ku tatap
wajah mu
dalam lena
terpalit keresahan
kau
seperti aku
gementar
dengan perjalanan ini..
wajah
di depanku
dalam lena
terpalit keresahan
yang
dikelam
dengan tawa
dunia
melihat
tamamnya
seorang
lelaki
bersiur
perjalanan
cinta
bahagia
percaya
terlerai
berkecai
demi pegangan
paksi pedoman
hidup
biar terhempas
jatuh berkecai
bangun
jatuh
dan bangun lagi
lapisan cinta
retak kasih
terabai
robeknya hati
apakah terubat
aku
kini
di sisi
menyelam rasa
berserah
cinta
kasih
harapan
bahagia
sering
ditepis
nampak angkuh
tak berhati
ku tatap
wajah mu
dalam lena
terpalit keresahan
kau
seperti aku
gementar
dengan perjalanan ini..
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Psyched up
Making a point to chart my exercise/toning regime, praying hard that this is not another hangar-hangat taik ayam - again. Must admit that i'm getting excited about the whole thing - the effort and time and the results so far. No doubt there are lots - i mean - LOTS - to be shed and toned, but i'd like to believe that this is another of my 'on my way' thing.
Summary of Tips I gathered from my trainer
1)Heart rate pyramid
a) 80% above
b) 61-79%
c) Below 60%
2)Weight loss
stretching and exercising will make you sweat and all but if heart rate is of
pyramid @a)
weight loss in short time but flabby
pyramid @b)
weight loss in longer time but firm / toned - recommended
pyramid @c)
weight loss very loooonnng time – not effective, good for weight maintenance
3)Me :
max heart rate : 179
recommended heart rate : 110 - 143 (pyramid @b)
4)Weight loss package regime
= combo management of food intake + exercise + enough sleep (min 6 hours)!
includes MINIMUM 8 glasses of who-aa a day
5)Kena stretch out lepas exercise – it’s the foooood to the muscle
6)Food intake vs blood group. Eat right for your type. Interesting!
-------------
Adapun seketika ceriteranya - balik kampong @ hari raya cina - GONE!!!
i binged on food like there was no tomorrow. Sob! Sob! Sob! Gamaknya if DH ada... i am loss for words to express on his behalf! No - kalau dia ada - i suppose i wud only have the chance to dream on food-bingeing! I wish he's here..
Got back in SubangIndera yesterday evening. Right after Maghrib, I found myself at the gym.. Alhamdulillah. Semangat wanita melayu ku masih mantap rupanya..
45 minutes on the treadmill, and 2 (only!) sets of circuit training for lower part.
--------------
Conversation with DH this morning ... he's changing his life style altogether - increase training time, reduce work time (as work wont complete anyway.. tau tak pa, ogrhang dok cakap tak nak dengark!) - training TWICE a day! And when DH trains, HE TRAINS & SWEATS BIG TIME. Adoiii.... baghru ler teman nak catch up, dia dah double the speed, macamana ni torts! panix!!
--------------
While walking on the way for today's corporate day gathering, a young engineer sapa and shared his findings on the eat-right for your blood type. A motivational support there..
Lunch hour another young engineer came into my room. Ghupenya mamat ni pun has been to the same gym in Taipan. No wonder he has been throwing light remarks on my gym trips in the last couple of weeks.. Cheekily he was disappointed when i told him that i trained at the Ladies Area - ;) We exchanged tips and experience with the trainings/trainers. Good. Another motivation.
Oh! I love this good feeling - I am all so psyched up.
Can't wait to go for my session tonite.
Summary of Tips I gathered from my trainer
1)Heart rate pyramid
a) 80% above
b) 61-79%
c) Below 60%
2)Weight loss
stretching and exercising will make you sweat and all but if heart rate is of
pyramid @a)
weight loss in short time but flabby
pyramid @b)
weight loss in longer time but firm / toned - recommended
pyramid @c)
weight loss very loooonnng time – not effective, good for weight maintenance
3)Me :
max heart rate : 179
recommended heart rate : 110 - 143 (pyramid @b)
4)Weight loss package regime
= combo management of food intake + exercise + enough sleep (min 6 hours)!
includes MINIMUM 8 glasses of who-aa a day
5)Kena stretch out lepas exercise – it’s the foooood to the muscle
6)Food intake vs blood group. Eat right for your type. Interesting!
-------------
Adapun seketika ceriteranya - balik kampong @ hari raya cina - GONE!!!
i binged on food like there was no tomorrow. Sob! Sob! Sob! Gamaknya if DH ada... i am loss for words to express on his behalf! No - kalau dia ada - i suppose i wud only have the chance to dream on food-bingeing! I wish he's here..
Got back in SubangIndera yesterday evening. Right after Maghrib, I found myself at the gym.. Alhamdulillah. Semangat wanita melayu ku masih mantap rupanya..
45 minutes on the treadmill, and 2 (only!) sets of circuit training for lower part.
--------------
Conversation with DH this morning ... he's changing his life style altogether - increase training time, reduce work time (as work wont complete anyway.. tau tak pa, ogrhang dok cakap tak nak dengark!) - training TWICE a day! And when DH trains, HE TRAINS & SWEATS BIG TIME. Adoiii.... baghru ler teman nak catch up, dia dah double the speed, macamana ni torts! panix!!
--------------
While walking on the way for today's corporate day gathering, a young engineer sapa and shared his findings on the eat-right for your blood type. A motivational support there..
Lunch hour another young engineer came into my room. Ghupenya mamat ni pun has been to the same gym in Taipan. No wonder he has been throwing light remarks on my gym trips in the last couple of weeks.. Cheekily he was disappointed when i told him that i trained at the Ladies Area - ;) We exchanged tips and experience with the trainings/trainers. Good. Another motivation.
Oh! I love this good feeling - I am all so psyched up.
Can't wait to go for my session tonite.
Friday, January 23, 2009
why-o-why
I was at Mandarin Oriental for a company event which i thought is rather extravaganza and unnecessary. I'm not going to elaborate into the lavishness - simply think it's not worth getting attention of my thots..
However, while standing in one corner observing the crowd, i saw two attractive looking ladies walking towards the entrance of the Emerald Room. I appreciate the apprearance of one of them, her striking movements and simple yet elegant dressing. Too bad - she's wearing this 'perasan' look - that spelled so loudly 'i know i look good'. It killed my appreciation, it ruined the beauty. I guessed she's from the Client-clan.
What ever happen to sifat humble orang melayu? Be it one is lawa, or intelligent or successful in life, why-o-why la have to put on that air of superiority.
Wallahi - this is not about me being inferior, it's just that i could not help having this 'who do you think you are to carry yourself the way you do?'
No appearance is beautiful nor complete without the humble-being.
By the way, later i spotted her on the side stage - playing a back-up singer.
However, while standing in one corner observing the crowd, i saw two attractive looking ladies walking towards the entrance of the Emerald Room. I appreciate the apprearance of one of them, her striking movements and simple yet elegant dressing. Too bad - she's wearing this 'perasan' look - that spelled so loudly 'i know i look good'. It killed my appreciation, it ruined the beauty. I guessed she's from the Client-clan.
What ever happen to sifat humble orang melayu? Be it one is lawa, or intelligent or successful in life, why-o-why la have to put on that air of superiority.
Wallahi - this is not about me being inferior, it's just that i could not help having this 'who do you think you are to carry yourself the way you do?'
No appearance is beautiful nor complete without the humble-being.
By the way, later i spotted her on the side stage - playing a back-up singer.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
the 2 pictures
When i was driving towards parking at Al-Falah, i saw a familiar beamer approaching the parking from the opposite direction. It was just minutes before maghrib but since it was raining earlier, it was pretty dark that i could not ascertain the plate number. As the 2 cars appraoched each other - it's confirmed that the beamer belongs to my SrGM at work. Inside were him and wife. I waved at them as i passed to enter the muslimat's entrance.
Insyaallah.... one day, DH and I would come together.
While listening to the tazkirah, I spotted Sister R at the front row. I last met her in Makbul Restaurant while she was having dinner with her husband - so happened, the nite prior to their journey for Hajj.
Then, we exchanged warm hugs, commenting that we hardly see one another except at Terawikh. That's how i first met Sister R back in the year 2006. She started making conversations. I was not comfortable talking to strangers on personal matters, on top of that - talking in the masjid, when one should be concentrating on making doa, seeking solace, and get close to Him. However Sister R was very pleasant, sisterly and perhaps she's a God-sent, who could tell... Along the way I shared that i just had a divorce bla, bla, bla, bla. Could sensed her genuine concern and she was all so comforting and gave lots of encouraging words.
Thot i owe it to her for 'appearing' for me at the stage of my life. So i decided to share my latest development.. that i got married again. I could see her happiness in her eyes for me.
Sister R approached me as she was leaving the restaurant - 'It must be your rezeki. We are leaving for Hajj tomorrow. Do you have any special doa for me to extend for you?". I gave her a big hug, asked for her to send my salaam to Rasulullah SAW... and of course i requested her to make doa for Allah to open ways for me and DH to be together soon, etc., etc. My eyes followed Sister R walking side by side with her husband towards their car. Masyaallah, i was envious with the life she has.. at that age(late 50s), having a simple dinner with her beloved husband - due for a journey to Makkah - together. Ya Allah bless me too, please.
After the tazkirah, i approached Sister R, tapping her shoulder "Ya Hajjah, Ya Hajjah..". She turned, looked at me, her eyes beaming. We hugged each other. "I made doa for you sayang. I did. Of so many pesanan from people, your smiling face appeared when i was making doa. Yes i made doa for you, once in Jabbal Rahmah, another at the Arafah." I was speachless - sebak rasa. She continued "i made doa for you.. may Allah makbul." Syahdu..! I silently continued with my doa in this house of Allah.
After a while, i felt a hand holding my arms. I turned to see an aunt - whom i also gotto know during Terawikh sessions.
She's in her late 60s - I noticed this elderly aunt walking independently joining the saff, the iftaar and the like.. wishing Mak is as sihat and strong to enjoy the nikmat being in this house of Allah - with the rest of these beautiful people who are there seeking solace. I wonder where are her children.. Got the chance to share my thoughts with 'ibu' one nite(she insisted that i call her that), and our relationship began, with her bringing especially for me a jar of acar buah from Singapore, cooking some dishes ensuring i have my share at iftar.. Yes - there's so much love in the house of Allah.
We hugged each other and she asked about Mak. I commented that i was looking out for her the past few weeks, noticed that she has not been there for quite a while. Ibu related that she has been attending to her daughter whose Pilot-husband just passed away during the recent wukuf.
Innalillahi wainna ilaihirraji'un. I was lost for words again, very well knowing the split. On one end it's - Masyaallah! so beautiful - a definite jannah for him. On the other, it must be difficult for his wife and the three young kids. "He's only 50...tak sangka-sangka. Dia tak sakit apa-apa pun. Rasa macam daun kering gugur..". Ibu also related that 2 months ago the youngest 9 year old grandson woke up crying - as he had a dream that his dad passed away in Makkah. And Ibu, as i would if i were in her shoes, told her grandson then that kalau mimpi orang meninggal meaning orang tu kenyang..
Lahawlawalaquwwata - who could tell.
Ya Allah - Engkau Maha Berkuasa.
I extended my condolence to ibu's daughter, hope Allah gives her the strengths.
Lots of thots from tonite ....
2 pictures -
1) Kehidupan - just like i have always wished for
2) Kematian - could happen any time
Ya Rabb, Engkau menentukan segalanya.
Aku mohon Ya Allah, sekira baik untukku dan suamiku, berikan kami kesempatan untuk hidup bersama. Hanya Engkau yang mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk kami.
Aku mohon Ya Allah, berkati kehidupanku, suamiku, kaum keluargaku, sahabat handai dan para ahli jemaah serta semua orang-orang yang aku sayangi... Ameen.
-------------
Called and spoke to DH - related the 2 pictures, and a "i just call to say i love you."
Insyaallah.... one day, DH and I would come together.
While listening to the tazkirah, I spotted Sister R at the front row. I last met her in Makbul Restaurant while she was having dinner with her husband - so happened, the nite prior to their journey for Hajj.
Then, we exchanged warm hugs, commenting that we hardly see one another except at Terawikh. That's how i first met Sister R back in the year 2006. She started making conversations. I was not comfortable talking to strangers on personal matters, on top of that - talking in the masjid, when one should be concentrating on making doa, seeking solace, and get close to Him. However Sister R was very pleasant, sisterly and perhaps she's a God-sent, who could tell... Along the way I shared that i just had a divorce bla, bla, bla, bla. Could sensed her genuine concern and she was all so comforting and gave lots of encouraging words.
Thot i owe it to her for 'appearing' for me at the stage of my life. So i decided to share my latest development.. that i got married again. I could see her happiness in her eyes for me.
Sister R approached me as she was leaving the restaurant - 'It must be your rezeki. We are leaving for Hajj tomorrow. Do you have any special doa for me to extend for you?". I gave her a big hug, asked for her to send my salaam to Rasulullah SAW... and of course i requested her to make doa for Allah to open ways for me and DH to be together soon, etc., etc. My eyes followed Sister R walking side by side with her husband towards their car. Masyaallah, i was envious with the life she has.. at that age(late 50s), having a simple dinner with her beloved husband - due for a journey to Makkah - together. Ya Allah bless me too, please.
After the tazkirah, i approached Sister R, tapping her shoulder "Ya Hajjah, Ya Hajjah..". She turned, looked at me, her eyes beaming. We hugged each other. "I made doa for you sayang. I did. Of so many pesanan from people, your smiling face appeared when i was making doa. Yes i made doa for you, once in Jabbal Rahmah, another at the Arafah." I was speachless - sebak rasa. She continued "i made doa for you.. may Allah makbul." Syahdu..! I silently continued with my doa in this house of Allah.
After a while, i felt a hand holding my arms. I turned to see an aunt - whom i also gotto know during Terawikh sessions.
She's in her late 60s - I noticed this elderly aunt walking independently joining the saff, the iftaar and the like.. wishing Mak is as sihat and strong to enjoy the nikmat being in this house of Allah - with the rest of these beautiful people who are there seeking solace. I wonder where are her children.. Got the chance to share my thoughts with 'ibu' one nite(she insisted that i call her that), and our relationship began, with her bringing especially for me a jar of acar buah from Singapore, cooking some dishes ensuring i have my share at iftar.. Yes - there's so much love in the house of Allah.
We hugged each other and she asked about Mak. I commented that i was looking out for her the past few weeks, noticed that she has not been there for quite a while. Ibu related that she has been attending to her daughter whose Pilot-husband just passed away during the recent wukuf.
Innalillahi wainna ilaihirraji'un. I was lost for words again, very well knowing the split. On one end it's - Masyaallah! so beautiful - a definite jannah for him. On the other, it must be difficult for his wife and the three young kids. "He's only 50...tak sangka-sangka. Dia tak sakit apa-apa pun. Rasa macam daun kering gugur..". Ibu also related that 2 months ago the youngest 9 year old grandson woke up crying - as he had a dream that his dad passed away in Makkah. And Ibu, as i would if i were in her shoes, told her grandson then that kalau mimpi orang meninggal meaning orang tu kenyang..
Lahawlawalaquwwata - who could tell.
Ya Allah - Engkau Maha Berkuasa.
I extended my condolence to ibu's daughter, hope Allah gives her the strengths.
Lots of thots from tonite ....
2 pictures -
1) Kehidupan - just like i have always wished for
2) Kematian - could happen any time
Ya Rabb, Engkau menentukan segalanya.
Aku mohon Ya Allah, sekira baik untukku dan suamiku, berikan kami kesempatan untuk hidup bersama. Hanya Engkau yang mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk kami.
Aku mohon Ya Allah, berkati kehidupanku, suamiku, kaum keluargaku, sahabat handai dan para ahli jemaah serta semua orang-orang yang aku sayangi... Ameen.
-------------
Called and spoke to DH - related the 2 pictures, and a "i just call to say i love you."
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Ridlizz
each time - it jumps from nowhere - i suppose out of its fear of me - it scares the #^@% out of me!
And each time - i'd swear - the next time i would be more alert of its presence. But no, i still jump!
i hate the cicak !!!
why cant anyone come up with something like the Ridsect or the Mortein.. there's definitely a market for it - I need a Ridlizz!
And each time - i'd swear - the next time i would be more alert of its presence. But no, i still jump!
i hate the cicak !!!
why cant anyone come up with something like the Ridsect or the Mortein.. there's definitely a market for it - I need a Ridlizz!
a sad world
The whole world wept on 9-11,
The whole world still shudder thinking of 9-11 and it's magnitude
What and where is gaza in comparison to 9-11?
We live in such a sad-sad world!
The whole world still shudder thinking of 9-11 and it's magnitude
What and where is gaza in comparison to 9-11?
We live in such a sad-sad world!
Friday, January 16, 2009
God Sent
Spoke long to Sister N last nite after the hadith class. It's always good to speak to her. I admire her strength and faith .. a woman of strength she is - a God Sent to me.
Sent a note thanking her and came the reply.
waa'laikumusalaam warahmatullahiwabarakatu ...
insyallah .... will keep you in my prayers.
Remember ... in whatever results we want in our lives, the formula is the same :
(1) usaha +
(2) ikhtiar +
(3) doa' and then
(4) tawakkal ( leaving it in allah's good hands) ...
and then when u get the outcome :
(5a) REDHA if it did not turn out the way u want or
(5b) Bersyukur if u get what u want.
Today is Friday ... good day untuk banyakkan doa' .... we still have some hours yet until end of asar ... its my favourite day of the week :-)
Love.
Sister N
I love you too - and i pray Allah bless you with all that you pray and hope for in life and the hereafter.
Sent a note thanking her and came the reply.
waa'laikumusalaam warahmatullahiwabarakatu ...
insyallah .... will keep you in my prayers.
Remember ... in whatever results we want in our lives, the formula is the same :
(1) usaha +
(2) ikhtiar +
(3) doa' and then
(4) tawakkal ( leaving it in allah's good hands) ...
and then when u get the outcome :
(5a) REDHA if it did not turn out the way u want or
(5b) Bersyukur if u get what u want.
Today is Friday ... good day untuk banyakkan doa' .... we still have some hours yet until end of asar ... its my favourite day of the week :-)
Love.
Sister N
I love you too - and i pray Allah bless you with all that you pray and hope for in life and the hereafter.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
my weekend sanctuaries
Life has it for me that i am tuned as such that my activities do not depend on the availability of others. It was difficult in the beginning - that as much as i could, i avoided being in the public - not wanting to see 'the togetherness' that i failed to have - or rather - that i was not blessed with, for reasons i now know.
I still do feel envious - at times - on those having the leisure spending time with their family and love ones - tak kisah ler kat mana or buat apa. These lot come as a package and that's envious - again, at times.
Alhamdulillah, time is a good heal. Am counting on it :)
I now have the options to either be on my own or if i like, welcome the company of others. Sounds selfish? No - it's a defence mechanism.
.jpg)
i appreciate the calmness,
dalam kesamaran bilik penuh selesa,
jejari halus membelai, mengurut,
melayan ceritera ku
sentuhan demi sentuhan
aku terlena...
.jpg)
i appreciate the calmness
berjemaah dengan wajah-wajah
yang sering berpesan
tentang tujuan perjalanan
mengajak bersama mengingati
dan memuji mu Tuhan
aku terjaga...
I still do feel envious - at times - on those having the leisure spending time with their family and love ones - tak kisah ler kat mana or buat apa. These lot come as a package and that's envious - again, at times.
Alhamdulillah, time is a good heal. Am counting on it :)
I now have the options to either be on my own or if i like, welcome the company of others. Sounds selfish? No - it's a defence mechanism.
.jpg)
i appreciate the calmness,
dalam kesamaran bilik penuh selesa,
jejari halus membelai, mengurut,
melayan ceritera ku
sentuhan demi sentuhan
aku terlena...
.jpg)
i appreciate the calmness
berjemaah dengan wajah-wajah
yang sering berpesan
tentang tujuan perjalanan
mengajak bersama mengingati
dan memuji mu Tuhan
aku terjaga...
Tepuk Dada
We are so helpless - and cannot do much on the situation in Gaza. But each of us can do this bit. It is our choice - yours and mine. Let's start looking for the other options...
Sunday, January 11, 2009
When hardships fall, what level do you fall in?
Fatawa Arkaan Al-Islam- Translated by Abu Az-Zubayr Harrison
We all pass through difficult stages. Hardships are part and parcel of life. But the way we react to them makes us different as people. As a scholar of the past said people look the same during ease, but are different when hardships strike. Sheikh Bin Uthaymeen explained the different levels of people in a beautiful manner.
People, during afflictions and difficulties, are at four levels:
1. Becoming angry
People get angry in their heart as if they are angry with their Lord. So, they become angry with what Allah decreed for them, and this is not permissible. It's possible that it could even lead to disbelief. Allah says:
"And among mankind is he who worships Allah as it were, upon the very edge (i.e. in doubt); if good befalls him, he's content therewith, but if a trial befalls him, he turns back on his face (i.e. reverts back to disbelief after embracing Islam). He loses both this world and the Hereafter." (Qur'an, 22:11)
Others express their anger by their tongue, calling and supplicating for destruction or ruin. This is also impermissible. Some others slap cheeks, rip their clothes, and pull out their hair. None of this is allowed. It's in contradiction to having the required patience.
2. Remaining patient
A poet once said, "Patience, like its name, is bitter in taste, yet its outcomes are sweeter than honey."
The patient ones bear (the affliction) although they dislike it. Their faith prevents them from becoming angry. So, the period of affliction and period without hardship are not the same to him. This (level) is obligatory because Allah commanded the people to be patient, saying: "And be patient. Certainly, Allah is with the patient ones." (Qur'an, 8:46)
3. Being pleased
Some are pleased with the affliction. Things are pretty much the same for them. There is no difficulty facing them and they don't bear it as something heavy.
This (level) is preferred but not an obligation according to the most correct of opinions.
4. Being thankful
Being grateful is the highest level. This is the state when a person thanks Allah for the affliction that has befallen him. He knows that such a difficulty is a means of expiation for his sins and perhaps a cause for an increase in his good deeds. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
"There's no affliction that strikes a Muslim except that Allah expiates with it (his sins), even with a thorn that may prick him." (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
k e m e l u t
(I)
resah dengan kemelut persengketaan dunia
tak terdaya melawan penindasan demi penindasan
suara jahil jauh lebih lantang dan berkuasa
itulah hakikat kehidupan dunia
hanya airmata
mengiringi doa
(II)
resah dengan kemelut penantian
tak terdaya merancang untuk esok
suara hati turut gementar
munkin salah fokus penantian ini
siapa tahu - kematian yang datang dulu
itulah hakikat kehidupan insan
hanya airmata
mengiringi kesalan kealpaan diri
mengiringi kesyukuran - detik yang masih Tuhan berikan
resah dengan kemelut persengketaan dunia
tak terdaya melawan penindasan demi penindasan
suara jahil jauh lebih lantang dan berkuasa
itulah hakikat kehidupan dunia
hanya airmata
mengiringi doa
(II)
resah dengan kemelut penantian
tak terdaya merancang untuk esok
suara hati turut gementar
munkin salah fokus penantian ini
siapa tahu - kematian yang datang dulu
itulah hakikat kehidupan insan
hanya airmata
mengiringi kesalan kealpaan diri
mengiringi kesyukuran - detik yang masih Tuhan berikan
Ilmu - various pengajaran from hadith
Notes from Madrasah USJ4 - 10/1/09
Ustaz Muhammad bin Abdullah
Hadith 1
========
To those who seek after ilmu -
malaikat, langit & bumi, binatang and other makhluk - turut mendoakan meminta Allah berikan kemudahan di dunia & syurga di akhirat
Ilmu
a)fardhu ain
-- about hukum hakam - islam syumul - merangkumi
-- about ibadah
b) fardhu kifayah
-- about membangunkan tamadun kemanusiaan - dunia & akhirat
Nabi Muhammad SAW meninggalkan ilmu kepada ummatnya
Ilmu jika diamalkan ada ganjaran / kebaikan
Ilmu ---> Amalan
Amalan
a) untuk diri - eg solat/puasa/zakat
b) untuk keluarga - eg anak isteri yang soleh/solehah
c) untuk masyarakat - eg adakan majlis ilmu
d) untuk negara - eg bangunkan negara islam
e) untuk ummah islamiah - beyond race / nationality
Paradox
5 amalan ber-paradox (ketidakseimbangan)
eg One who focus on masyarakat, may neglect the family
therefore the importance of jemaah - each helping the other dalam amalan
Hadith 2
========
Mencari ilmu adalah fardhu bagi setiap ornag Islam
Perkara yang tak biasa didengar tak semestinya tidak ujud / tidak benar
Jangan merasa cukup dengan ilmu --- bermula kejahilan - sombong
Hadith 3
========
Allah meng-elok-kan rupa orang yang mendengar & menyampaikan kepada ornag lain
Ilmu adalah milik Allah and Allah berikan kepada siapa yang dikehendakiNya
Attending majlis ilmu on x - one could learn on y, jika diizinkanNya
Belajar }
Mengajar }
Mendengar } Ilmu
Mencintai }
Wallaahu a'lam
Ustaz Muhammad bin Abdullah
Hadith 1
========
To those who seek after ilmu -
malaikat, langit & bumi, binatang and other makhluk - turut mendoakan meminta Allah berikan kemudahan di dunia & syurga di akhirat
Ilmu
a)fardhu ain
-- about hukum hakam - islam syumul - merangkumi
-- about ibadah
b) fardhu kifayah
-- about membangunkan tamadun kemanusiaan - dunia & akhirat
Nabi Muhammad SAW meninggalkan ilmu kepada ummatnya
Ilmu jika diamalkan ada ganjaran / kebaikan
Ilmu ---> Amalan
Amalan
a) untuk diri - eg solat/puasa/zakat
b) untuk keluarga - eg anak isteri yang soleh/solehah
c) untuk masyarakat - eg adakan majlis ilmu
d) untuk negara - eg bangunkan negara islam
e) untuk ummah islamiah - beyond race / nationality
Paradox
5 amalan ber-paradox (ketidakseimbangan)
eg One who focus on masyarakat, may neglect the family
therefore the importance of jemaah - each helping the other dalam amalan
Hadith 2
========
Mencari ilmu adalah fardhu bagi setiap ornag Islam
Perkara yang tak biasa didengar tak semestinya tidak ujud / tidak benar
Jangan merasa cukup dengan ilmu --- bermula kejahilan - sombong
Hadith 3
========
Allah meng-elok-kan rupa orang yang mendengar & menyampaikan kepada ornag lain
Ilmu adalah milik Allah and Allah berikan kepada siapa yang dikehendakiNya
Attending majlis ilmu on x - one could learn on y, jika diizinkanNya
Belajar }
Mengajar }
Mendengar } Ilmu
Mencintai }
Wallaahu a'lam
Ibadah
Notes from a session at Madrasah USJ4 8/1/09:
Ustaz Muhammad bin Abdullah
Ibadah
- pengabdian kepada Ilahi
- mencari ilmu, work in the office, preparing breakfast for the family, taat pada suami
Syarat-syarat
1. Niat - kena betul. Amalan mesti disertakan dengan niat yang ikhlas untuk agama
(eg adakan majlis kesyukuran with anak-anak yatim)
2. Amalan sekurang-kurangnya adalah diharuskan oleh agama
(straight forward)
3. Perlaksanaan - kena betul
(eg tatasusila dalam majlis - pakaian, pergaulan etc)
4. Tidak meninggalkan rukun iman & rukun islam dalam melaksanakan amalan tersebut
(waktu solat tak ditinggalkan)
- orang beriman selalunya dikaitkan dengan orang yang beramal soleh
- keimanan akan melahirkan amal soleh
Wallaahu a'lam
Ustaz Muhammad bin Abdullah
Ibadah
- pengabdian kepada Ilahi
- mencari ilmu, work in the office, preparing breakfast for the family, taat pada suami
Syarat-syarat
1. Niat - kena betul. Amalan mesti disertakan dengan niat yang ikhlas untuk agama
(eg adakan majlis kesyukuran with anak-anak yatim)
2. Amalan sekurang-kurangnya adalah diharuskan oleh agama
(straight forward)
3. Perlaksanaan - kena betul
(eg tatasusila dalam majlis - pakaian, pergaulan etc)
4. Tidak meninggalkan rukun iman & rukun islam dalam melaksanakan amalan tersebut
(waktu solat tak ditinggalkan)
- orang beriman selalunya dikaitkan dengan orang yang beramal soleh
- keimanan akan melahirkan amal soleh
Wallaahu a'lam
Friday, January 09, 2009
Qunut Nazilah for our brothers and sisters in Gaza
Please let's all amalkan doa QUNUT NAZILAH - dibaca pada setiap solat fardhu: Zohor, Asar, Maghrib, Isyak dan Subuh, pada rakaat terakhir selepas bangun dari Ruku’ untuk ‘Itidal, after bacaan
سَÙ…ِعَ اللَّÙ‡ُ Ù„ِÙ…َÙ†ْ ØَÙ…ِدَÙ‡ُ ، رَبَّÙ†َا ÙˆَÙ„َÙƒَ الْØَÙ…ْدُ
Note :
If tak dapat hafal - Qunut Nazilah could also be read selepas solat.
“ Ya Allah, sesungguhnya kami bermohon pertolongan Mu, kami meminta ampun kepada Mu, kami memohon petunjuk dari Mu, kami beriman kepada Mu, kami berserah kepada Mu dan kami memuji Mu dengan segala kebaikan, kami mensyukuri dan tidak mengkufuri Mu, kami melepaskan diri daripada sesiapa yang durhaka kepada Mu.
Ya Allah, Engkau yang kami sembah dan kepada Engkau kami bersalat dan sujud, dan kepada Engkau jualah kami datang bergegas, kami mengharap rahmat Mu dan kami takut akan azab Mu kerana azab Mu yang sebenar akan menyusul mereka yang kufur
Ya Allah, Muliakanlah Islam dan masyarakat Islam. Hentikanlah segala macam kezaliman dan permusuham, Bantulah saudara-saudara kami di mana sahaja mereka berada. Angkatlah dari mereka kesusahan, bala, peperangan dan permusuhan.
Ya Allah, selamatkanlah kami dari segala keburukan dan janganlah Engkau jadikan kami tempat turunnya bencana, hindarkanlah kami dari segala bala kerana tidak sesiapa yang dapat menghindarkannya melainkan Engkau, ya Allah.”
Ameen.
سَÙ…ِعَ اللَّÙ‡ُ Ù„ِÙ…َÙ†ْ ØَÙ…ِدَÙ‡ُ ، رَبَّÙ†َا ÙˆَÙ„َÙƒَ الْØَÙ…ْدُ
Note :
If tak dapat hafal - Qunut Nazilah could also be read selepas solat.
“ Ya Allah, sesungguhnya kami bermohon pertolongan Mu, kami meminta ampun kepada Mu, kami memohon petunjuk dari Mu, kami beriman kepada Mu, kami berserah kepada Mu dan kami memuji Mu dengan segala kebaikan, kami mensyukuri dan tidak mengkufuri Mu, kami melepaskan diri daripada sesiapa yang durhaka kepada Mu.
Ya Allah, Engkau yang kami sembah dan kepada Engkau kami bersalat dan sujud, dan kepada Engkau jualah kami datang bergegas, kami mengharap rahmat Mu dan kami takut akan azab Mu kerana azab Mu yang sebenar akan menyusul mereka yang kufur
Ya Allah, Muliakanlah Islam dan masyarakat Islam. Hentikanlah segala macam kezaliman dan permusuham, Bantulah saudara-saudara kami di mana sahaja mereka berada. Angkatlah dari mereka kesusahan, bala, peperangan dan permusuhan.
Ya Allah, selamatkanlah kami dari segala keburukan dan janganlah Engkau jadikan kami tempat turunnya bencana, hindarkanlah kami dari segala bala kerana tidak sesiapa yang dapat menghindarkannya melainkan Engkau, ya Allah.”
Ameen.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
the expression of love
I got a call from my HR manager yesterday about nominating me to partner with a male tv personality as the Masters of Ceremony. This is for our upcoming keeling of pipe laybarge in a 5 star hotel in KL. Attendees shall be the players and client of the O&G.Basically - it's a no-brainer as the script shall be prepared. I just need to apply some humor and try match my partner's wit.
Was quite willing to do it but a sudden thought made me call the HRM - telling him i'd revert my decision tomorrow.
It occurred to me that perhaps - i should get some thoughts from DH on the matter. Sounds so conservative, traditional and lemah gemalai, right? All of which traits i am not. But you need to be in my shoes to have this thought.
Being just married and living thousands of miles apart and meeting every 3 monthly (if luck is with us) IS something. There are also the cultural, background and upbringing issues, the age gap, our past, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.
So what - you can't manage that, torts? The truth is - i am learning to. And it's not easy.
However, it's not on those mentioned that triggered the second thought. Rather - it's DH's strong concerns - THE issues, especially those relating to our deen.
We have a list of Dos and Don'ts for each other prior to our union. No intention to blabber mine on him - but his on me - for this time.
Among the tough and challenging ones:
1) get slim
2) no make up
In the recent trip, we continued the 'lengthy discussion' on these close at heart matters - and dearest DH added a couple more
3) dressing
4) communication with the non-muhrim
yup! kwang-kwang-kwaaaang!
Item 1 - get slim
It's something that matters critically to him. He wants me lighter! Fullstop!
Whatever happen to the notion of unconditional love? Is there such?
What about being honest vs being a hypocrite? tell the truth vs tell a lie or not tell at all.
And the fact that while he's pushing me on the gym bit - he's working out as hard or double as hard - for me and for himself :)
We spent so much time at the gym in DH's recent trip - with results - and i love them, dot-dot-dot.
Item 2 - no make-up
My definition of make-up is the usage of lipstick and gloss on my lips, and the usage of the eyeliner on the rim of my eyes. Usage of foundation has been once in a blue moon.
It so happen the last blue moon was when i was with DH after the wedding. Tempek la sikit foundation konon nak bagi nampak berseri - for HIM. Perasan jugak dia dok tenung my face - ingatkan dia nak puji kata lawa ka .. only to be told - in short - tak payah la pakai lagi foundation on the face. He finds it yulky. Ggrrrr! DH even made a point the next day - to comment that i look the same with or without the foundation applied on. Duhh! Well.. there's the 12 years of age difference. Memang sah dah ghrabun orang tua ni.
I wanted to argue on the make-up issue. But what to base on?
That we Malaysian dah terbiasa and setakat lipstick and eyeliner tu - that's the very basic-minimal one could have?
That i don't feel confident appearing and meeting people with my face so bare and pale?
Valid ka?
I looked in various sources including the net - if putting on lipstick is allowable in Islam. Most of the sources quoted that putting on lipstick IS allowable in Islam ONLY for the pleasure (sedap mata) of the husband. In the presence of non-muhrim, it's a no-no.
As for my DH - he finds lips with lipstick yulky. So much for sedap mata memandang, eh! So there goes. And by the way "lip gloss do come colorless". Ggrrrrr! Ggrrrr!
Sodaqollah...
3) dressing
It's unislamic to have a short top - exposing your buttocks.
Your arms are also aurat.
Body hugging clothes are unislamic.
Another tough issue - but so-so true.
4) communication with non-muhrim
There are limits.
One must control her/his eyes and gaze.
Certain things are not discussed with the non-muhrim.
Laughters - mine yang berdekah-dekah NEED immediate control and action.
Adoh ... ke mana nak kulemparkan sifat ramah tamahku - sorang perempuan melayu? I suppose - apply it on the right situation and time.
I shared the nomination plan with DH, ending it with "i thought not - the makeup, exposure and all". His respond came "i think not too. Again i cannot negotiate on behalf of Allah".
Lots to be done on this journey home. May Allah guide us and make us of those whom He loves. Ameen.
Some thoughts extracted from my favourite site.
Love: It is a bonding emotion. There is a yearning desire to be close to that which we love. It brings us comfort in our hearts. It brings us a sense of peace and security. When we love someone, we constantly think of them, and seek out ways to please them so that they are pleased with us.
But love in itself must be expressed, not just declared; it must be substantiated by action, and not just proclaimed. Furthermore, love can never be fulfilled till the love is returned. If the love is unrequited, we are left without satiation.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
whaaaaaaaaaaaaa! sob! sob! sob!
Ideal weight range: 49 - 54 kg
You are currently 11.0 kg over your target weight range.
http://www.myfooddiary.com/resources/ideal_weight_calc.asp
You are currently 11.0 kg over your target weight range.
http://www.myfooddiary.com/resources/ideal_weight_calc.asp
What frame size?
Determining frame size:
The Elbow Breadth Method
You can also calculate your frame size by measuring the breadth of your elbow. This method tends to be more accurate than the wrist method, but it is a little more complex. Use the instructions below to achieve a proper measurement.
How to measure:
1.) Extend your arm forward so that it is horizontal and parallel to the ground.
2.) Bend your elbow so your forearm is at 90º to the ground.
3.) Place the forefinger and thumb of your other hand on either side of your elbow joint.
4.) Use your forefinger and thumb as a gauge to determine your elbow breadth by measuring the gap between them with a ruler.
The Wrist Method
The standard method is to measure the circumference of your wrist just above the bone.
Women:
Height under 5'2"
Small = wrist size less than 5.5"
Medium = wrist size 5.5" to 5.75"
Large = wrist size over 5.75"
Height 5'2" to 5' 5"
Small = wrist size less than 6"
Medium = wrist size 6" to 6.25"
Large = wrist size over 6.25"
Height over 5' 5"
Small = wrist size less than 6.25"
Medium = wrist size 6.25" to 6.5"
Large = wrist size over 6.5"
Men:
Height over 5' 5"
Small = wrist size 5.5" to 6.5"
Medium = wrist size 6.5" to 7.5"
Large = wrist size over 7.5"
The Elbow Breadth Method
You can also calculate your frame size by measuring the breadth of your elbow. This method tends to be more accurate than the wrist method, but it is a little more complex. Use the instructions below to achieve a proper measurement.
How to measure:
1.) Extend your arm forward so that it is horizontal and parallel to the ground.
2.) Bend your elbow so your forearm is at 90º to the ground.
3.) Place the forefinger and thumb of your other hand on either side of your elbow joint.
4.) Use your forefinger and thumb as a gauge to determine your elbow breadth by measuring the gap between them with a ruler.
The Wrist Method
The standard method is to measure the circumference of your wrist just above the bone.
Women:
Height under 5'2"
Small = wrist size less than 5.5"
Medium = wrist size 5.5" to 5.75"
Large = wrist size over 5.75"
Height 5'2" to 5' 5"
Small = wrist size less than 6"
Medium = wrist size 6" to 6.25"
Large = wrist size over 6.25"
Height over 5' 5"
Small = wrist size less than 6.25"
Medium = wrist size 6.25" to 6.5"
Large = wrist size over 6.5"
Men:
Height over 5' 5"
Small = wrist size 5.5" to 6.5"
Medium = wrist size 6.5" to 7.5"
Large = wrist size over 7.5"
Friday, January 02, 2009
Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage
The surprising, enlightening, and sometimes hard truths married folks all face -- and how they teach us about what love really means.
By Ylonda Gault Caviness for Redbook
You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.
In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick -- and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there. Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty.
That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.
1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."
Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.
Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.
2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.
Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.
If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.
"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.
3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.
You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.
Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."
4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.
Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."
5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.
6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.
There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.
Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.
7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.
I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.
That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.
By Ylonda Gault Caviness for Redbook
You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.
In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick -- and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there. Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty.
That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.
1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."
Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.
Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.
2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.
Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.
If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.
"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.
3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.
You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.
Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."
4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.
Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."
5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.
6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.
There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.
Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.
7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.
I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.
That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.
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