i wish

came home after the airport session
it felt so much emptier
and that pang of hollow
that's getting all too familar
each time you go ..

picked and safe-placed
all belongings
just need to eliminate
all spots, bumps and traces
that would add to the bleeding
of this wounded heart

am not looking forward
to waking up
in the midst of the nite
searching,
wondering
and coming to terms
with this stretching distance
all over again

life goes on
o yes - i will be okay
just that
- i wish ...

insignificant

i cud be better
without that insignificant feeling
suddenly the excitement dies down
and i wish
time went slower

wonder no more

i used to wonder
why and why not
why is life so easy, breezy and glorifying for some
and so hard, sticky and demeaning for others

I used to get so upset and confused
when i’ve done all the right stuff
and worked my butt for my noble aim
and the result
- is an absolute miss

i used to wonder
how one could tolerate certain unbecoming situation
and not move on for a better option

i used to wonder,
what's life like with those at their 30, when i was 20
how is it like being 40, when i was 30,

as i turned 40,
i suppose i have a fair deal of life myself
to have that faith
that everything happens for a reason
as long as they are not against the prohibition of our deen,
one simply must have the faith
and put the best effort
for each nawaitu lillahita'ala

one gets her reward/share
for the faith
and for each of those effort
the end result - is of His dept,
if achieved is a bonus,
if it’s not, it’s not meant to be
– there’s something else in line for you..

Insyaallah.

sa-ah

counting
7, 6, ...
panicking
while also
having the bliss

but
sekejapnya
sa-ah yang ada
oooo my zawja

can't complain
just can't have it all
simply cherish
and make the best
of each sa-ah

counting
7, 6, ...
panicking

3 black men

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink 'willie'.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In fact, 'he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.'
After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'
'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?' asked the couple.
'Because I'm the guy who painted it,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.

mungkir

Pada penyaksian
sebuah
ketidaksetiaan
kemungkiran
membawa aku
ke singkapan
perjalanan yang lalu

Hancur luluh
kala terbongkar
kesah pencerobohan
pada sedunia harapan

Gementar
perit
kecewa
gagal
kesal
berbaur
kehampaan
dan
kesedihan

Hatiku berserta
sungguh kesian
pada insan
yang berharap
pada kesetiaan zawaja

Peristiwa luka
mengajar
kupupuk dalam diri
hidupkan harapan
hanya padaMu Tuhan

Engkau tak pernah memungkiri janjiMu

Permudahkan perjalananku