Quote-unquote from the meetings

* anticipate
* this is the time the boys are separated from the men
* .. his father-in-law has passed away. It wud be nice if it's the mother-in-law instead
* que serra, serra
* @%#&!
* hang on there
* get real
* bullshit
* let's not drag this..
* selective memory
* selective listening
* let's move on

Senyap Bermakna

Hanya hati sendiri
yang setia
menjadi teman
mendengar bisikan
menyimpan segala rahsia
menangisi kesalan dan gusaran yang bersilih

tanpa curiga
akan niat bisikan cerita
dan airmata

tanpa tergugat keikhlasan
pada sekeping hati kecewa

yang ku harapkan
hanya teman
mendengar bisikan cerita
menyimpan segala rahsia
menangisi kesalan dan gusaran yang bersilih

yang ketemui
kelainan pada keikhlasan
kata dan senyuman
lontaran kejauhan
dan senyap bermakna

.

a gift

my rainbow

muhammad qayyum, muhammad aiman & nur fatihah

s o l i t u d e

Sorry

You said you are sorry to have to do this to me
I reminded you that life is about choices
and that i have no regrets whatsoever
and that i only want you to settle your due obligations..
and walk out like a man.

Nukilan dated 6 July 2005

Kau kata di permulaan
Kau malukut di tepi gantang cuma
Dan aku bertekad merentasi perjalanan
Demi cinta kita
Berpaut secebis potensi yang ku pasti kau miliki

Rupanya sukar perjalanan ini
Jatuh, bangun,
Tersungkur dan jatuh lagi
Tetap digagahi

Dengan hijrah sinar baru menerjah
Sayangnya kau cepat alpa
Kau akur dengan godaan menara
Sedangkan aku masih termengah
Dengan jatuh bangun perjalanan semalam

Terkapa..
Terkapa..
Pautan ku rapuh rupanya
Hati dan cinta berkecai
Ku kaut, ku cantum tinggalan
Tak lagi sama
Tampak nyata serpihan di sini sana

Aduhai...
Ke manakah hala tuju?

Seusia ku diulit cengkaman
Di persimpangan dan jurang
Yang tak pernah terduga
Sanggup kau bawa

Berpatah bagai meminggir maruah
Berterus bagai menggadai kepercayaan diri

Ntah apalah asasnya
Kita teruskan jua
Mungkinkah kerana kita manusia
Terkadang tersadung langkahnya

Sampai kini
Perjalanan harian dengan tawa dan resah
Sering diterjah mimpi ngeri semalam
Keindahan bagai persinggahan
Antara mimpi-mimpi yang melelahkan emosi
Mengikis dasar cinta dan kasih

Apakah masih kita rasa?

Penantianku kini berharian
Bilakah waktunya?
Apakah kan tiba?
Giliran aku dibelai manja
Tanpa perlu meresah setiap perjalanan kehidupan.

Life Saga

Pre-X
so much love
so much hope
so much pain
so much prayers
so much strength
so many falls
so many crawls
so many fears
so many tears
so many sacrifices
so many hurdles
so many circles

X
so betrayed

Post-X
let go
let God
..
get real - move-on.

0301

Was driving to work when the phone rang. 0301 - familiar but who? malas nak fikir. Picked up anyway - couldn't hear any respond from the other end. Hang up. Then it rang again.

Heard salam from a voice - so close to my heart - a few beats skipped. OmiGod. How could i not remember the 0301? Call from Mekkah - my adopted son Fery!

Lost for words - but it's really good that someone out there - close to the house of Allah is thinking of you. Fery is 19 - he left Indonesia last year to follow his pamans footsteps to study in Masjidil Haram. Met him while performing umrah and he helped me a lot while i was there. Oh! sweet memories with him & beloved mak & Q and Kaabah.

"Sama-sama kita doakan ya, ummy - semoga Tuhan maqbulkan hasrat kita". His "asalkan ummy sihat, tenang dan bertawakkal, serta tak lupakan Allah" is so POWERFUL.

God works mysteriously.

It's a pleasant surprise from him, and from God. Thank you.

little cactus

A friend gave this cactus sometimes back in May this year. It was so little and fragile then. I fear I wud break its splits (branch is not it, right?) everytime i drip water onto it.

I'm not blessed with green fingers - normally plants i touch would surely go pe-ot. I thot this tiny little green plant would not last longer than my last umrah trip. Notice today that it's grown so much. Hmm.. this little cactus has survived this far.. getting better each day - self-sustaining - self-rectifying.

If i am a plant - i want to be this little cactus on my office desk.

My Sunshine

Woke up a little late - reached Q's school gate at 0730 hours. Very guilty - Q hates it when his name is taken as a late comer. Bad Mom! Ok - i'll have to change my schedule.

Q however - apart from the normal exchange of kiss-on-the-cheek before getting off the car, leaned against me and said 'take care, mom.'. This is nothing new - but i am especially so touched with his gesture today. I needed it..

Q, I love you so much - my sunshine.

UP or DOWN

Can't decide if i should take down these paintings which are still up on my bedroom wall. These were my anniversary "commemoration"... eewe - then very the sementol!

The reason they are still up is purely becoz - i like my art work.

I wud hate it if anyone were to think that i'm keeping them up for some sentimental values. Puhleasse! Gone, kaput, elek-pocik. I'm out of there for good!

So - up or down?

RINDU

Semalam
Bayangan cintaku menerjah
Terlalu nyata
Seolah terpacul diri di sana
Terasa ketenangan,
Terharu dengan limpahan kasih
Kagum dengan kebesaran
Pasrah dan akur dengan khada

Rindu ku ketepikan
Mempadu tumpuan dan langkah
Tegar dengan duri di persimpangan

Sekian waktu
Ku ketepikan rindu
Maksyuk dengan perjalanan status diri

Aduhai – terpanah rinduku kini
Bagai kilat menyambar
Terbakar dengan nyala membuak
semarak api cinta kasih

Air mata laju mengalir
sederas lonjakan rindu
terhinjut diri
Menahan sebak di dada

Sekian waktu
Ku ketepikan rindu
Maksyuk dengan perjalanan status diri

Hampir terleka aku
Alahai…
Jauh terasingnya rasa

Kembalikan ketenanganku, ya Allah
Kembalikan aku ke rumahMu

Baitullah – aku rindu.

Men

One day in a pre-mob meeting attended by about a dozen of our operation guys including the mat salleh coo and the pm from miri, our dearest ops-d called upon one of the newly joined secretary (she's pretty sexy - being an ex-stewardess) to make some amendments on the plans as penned on the whiteboard. They were standing infront of us all - she - apparently a little awkward and conscious that perhaps 12 pairs of eyes were on her (perhaps ~ while most of us in the room were either discussing stuff or simply minding own business waiting for the meeting to start), listened attentively to his instructions and then left.

Once she's gone, dearest ops-d announced "o by the way - she's married" paused and added "with 3 kids". His voice and face filled with amazement. I was sitting among the guys and could not help but to "eeww" silently. I looked around to see any questioning face that could have triggered the info. None. Then I heard - "Didn't hear anyone asking. Were you telling urself?". Roared..

We sure had a warm pre-mob meeting startup.

Tu ler - some men.