The balcony

This is my balcony. At night, it becomes my favourite spot - where I often sit by watching the sky - deep in my own thots - menitip perjalanan hari dan muhasabah diri... The beautiful music orchestrated by the wind chime and flowing water from my little fountain - never fail me, so far.

Sesungguhnya kehidupan yang singkat ini cukup indah..

8 Ramadhan 1423

It's early morning on Sunday - 5 Ramadhan 1426. Terdengar suara mak from the other room - membaca ayat suci al-quran. It's mak's daily routine. Turut beri ketenangan for me. Syukur aku padaMu Tuhan dengan masih adanya Mak with me. What would i do without her.

I know mak misses arwah abah. Especially bila Ramadhan tiba. Well - i miss abah too. Banyak 'tak berkesempatan' dengan abah. I wished i had done more....

I went back to Penang almost every other weekend since abah had his second stroke which had left him unable to speak. It had been almost four months, and since, Mak had not left the house at all - seeing to abah's needs. Besides that - there's adik who has been attending to abah - taking him for his theraphy sessions, mandi and cleanedkan abah. He's a good son. Me - i was in KL - busy with life and (kerenah) x.
Anyway - back to abah - everyone thought he was getting better and stronger each day. We expected him to be 'independent' again in no time.

It was a Sunday - 6th Ramadhan. We 'gathered' for adik and q's birthday at buka puasa. Abah could not take any food. But he was there with us at the dining table - in his wheelchair. I pujuk abah supaya makan a little for his strength, but he simply could not swallow the food. I peeled a manggo - he only took a small slice.

Then it was time for me to leave for KL - would be working the next day. Hati berat sangat nak tinggalkan abah. And Abah pun seemed berat sangat nak let me go. He held me close - kissed my hand and lama tenung my face. We both cried. I told him i'd be coming home to be with him the coming weekend again. I planned to sleep by abah's side the next trip home.

But that weekend with abah never came. Monday nite - i received the call - abah tenat. I was racing against time - I wished i could fly and immediately be there next to abah.

Tuhan lebih menyayangi abah. 8th Ramadhan - he left us.

I wished i had done so much more...

Ya Allah - cucuri rahmatMu ke atas roh abah. Masukkan dia bersama golongan anbiya.

Al-Fatihah!

Appreciation

Everyday - i get out from my bed wishing it's a weekend instead - i wanted to sleep longer. I needed to sleep longer. But came sunday morning ~ I found myself awake and eager to get out of the bed ?:/ Hmm.. apparently such longiness only buat road call on weekdays.

Since abah left us 3 years ago, mak would hardly leave the house during Ramadhan. Apatah lagi to 'pegang puasa' (starting of puasa) elsewhere. However this year - she's here with me - she started Ramadhan with me and Q.

Menjelang Ramadhan, adalah jugak i terkenangkan of the Ramadhan last year. Never had i thot that it was my last Ramadhan with X. Had a good appreciation on ketentuan Qada and Qadar - tak siapa yang tahu what's next to come. And silently, for the first time since August 1st 2005, i sensed the scepticism about 'going into the next day'. Somehow - alhamdulillah - i managed to park it elsewhere.

I am not taking it for granted - but it definitely wouldn't be this easy without Mak being around. I am so blessed with her everlasting love. Always accommodating, always giving... Thank you, Mak. Aku bersyukur padaMu Tuhanku.

Dah masuk hari ke 5 Ramadhan. I have hardly masuk ke dapur. Mak covered the bit for me supervising bibik. Everything wud be set on the table when i got home from work :).

The other day at Kg Baru - we passed a stall selling roti jala. Mak agreed with me that the roti nampak terlebih colouring - kuning 'me-ghre-ngau' (very loud yellow). And therefore we gave it a miss. I told mak i'd prepare some for her - err - soon. Today wud be a good day... let me surprise my kitchen.. jeng! jeng! jeng!

Roti jala is the favourite of most of my beloved ones. This include Mak, arwah Abah, arwah Mak Tok (my grandma), my brother and even X. The thing is whenever i served roti jala - they tend to make me feel like i was the saviour for the day - heheheh!. However pun they expressed it - as much as they love roti jala - i love preparing and making roti jala for them.

After so long - my dapur 'berasap' today. And the menu for break fast:
Roti Jala & Curry Ayam - Mak's favourite
Pengat / Serawa Pisang & Nangka - Q's request.
Mixed vege - for moi!

Bubur Lambok @ Kg. Baru

Sogo was on Sale - the crowd need no special mention. Cari parking susah macam nak rak. But Mak wanted to buy bedsheets. It gives her so much pleasure to shop for her beddings - it's almost about all she goes for of late. So ku gagahi jua.

After some 4 hours - mak ended up with 5 new bedding sets (each complete dengan duvet - so appreciate the bulkiness, pls) this time. While I pushed mak on her wheelchair, Q & Bibik struggled with the duvets plus the other stuff that i bought - pushing them thru the growing crowd. Ponek but i was happy to see mak smiling away.

Was coming out from Sogo when Mak said - "Yang, Kg Baru jauh dak?". I thot - O boy - dia buat dah... "No, napa Mak?". Mak eagerly reponded "Mak teghingin nak makan buburk lambuk. Jom kita pi cari sat". A very simple request indeed. But the truth is - since i moved to KL in 1997 - ada la kot 5-6 kali i intentionally got to Kg Baru. Twice was with x for mee rebus at one of the stalls, twice with colleague for lunch at one of the tomyam restaurant. The others - i can't recall. Apart from the fact that i used to have a 'driver' to take me places... and therefore the ol dependency somehow prolong and restrict my 'movements'; in my capacity - i don't have much reasons to go to Kg Baru. Why need i go there for? What need i find there? Well - there u go torts - buburk lambuk for mak...

I have no idea whereabout is the masjid that gives away the famous bubur. Then again Kg Baru is no kota metropolitan - i could not possibly get lost there, right? pi kut tu - mai kut ni - kat situu la jugak. My approach then was to hentam je ikut where most cars were heading - that with a mixture of a l'ttle gut feeling and tawakkal. After all - i got mak by my side.
We ended up with a jalan with ramadhan-stalls along each side. It was around 3pm - not all stalls were operating. We spotted one with 'di sini ada jual bubur lambuk'. Q and Bibik got down to make the purchase only to be told that 'hari ni tak jual, dik'. Alahai... kesian mak.

A few stalls ke depan ada jual satay ikan. We stopped for the satay ikan. The abang jual satay ikan responded to our query "pegi ambik je kat masjid tu. tak payah beli - depa bagi percuma, acik. Ramai orang pegi ambik".
"aa.. masjid kat mana bang?" i asked. Mak sempat mencelah "makcik mai dari pulau pinang. dah lama sangat teringin nak ghasa buburk lambuk kg baru ni... Selalu dok tengok dalam tv saja..".

While pointing to the direction of the masjid, the abang jual satay ikan grabbed a bungkusan of a red plastic bag containing A PACK OF BUBUR LAMBUK - and handed to my mom. What a relief. "Makcik ambiklah ni.. saya ambik kat masjid tadi".
Mak touched tapi rasa serba salah pulak : "anak punya?".
Abang : "tak apa makcik - saya kat sini dah selalu makan bubur lambuk".

We thanked the kind-hearted abang jual satay ikan. May God bless him.
As we left - Q triggered "kat mana masjid tu mom?". To cut the story short - we ended with Q and Bibik queuing up - not so much for the bubur lambuk (we got a packet from the kind-hearted abang satay ikan ;)) - but more so - just to experience what the others had all these years :)



Q q-ing up.






Q still q-ing up









THE Masjid Kg Baru

Beloved mak - waiting.

w h a t g o e s u p w i l l c o m e d o w n . . .

Dugaan comes in many forms - some thru happiness while others thru trying period. Whatever is the package - it serves as means to test our faith. With faith - we should strive to seek His blessings. It's all in a cycle.

Therefore too - what goes up will come down.

I believe in the subject. It applies to everybody. You or me, the neighbour or the boss or the coursemate or the coleague or the X (heheheh!) especially - no escape clause.

Note to myself:
a) You do good as called for
b) You don't get to pick and choose onto whom you'd prefer to do good or do 'lesser'
c) If you get away with b) - it could just be another form of dugaan.

Would it not hurt when someone else do 'lesser' onto your love ones... or worse still - your love ones suffer for your do 'lesser'?

So - do good! What goes up will come down.