pandangan
luas
tak terbatas
tapi bersempadan
sekilas
ada bait ketenangan
seolah hanya aku dan alam
dengan deruan angin
mendung
mentari yang tak kelihatan
terasa hambar
terasa sepi
terasa kosong
Friday, January 30, 2009
kosong
jauh
pandangan
luas
tak terbatas
tapi bersempadan
sekilas
ada bait ketenangan
seolah hanya aku dan alam
dengan deruan angin
mendung
mentari yang tak kelihatan
terasa hambar
terasa sepi
terasa kosong
pandangan
luas
tak terbatas
tapi bersempadan
sekilas
ada bait ketenangan
seolah hanya aku dan alam
dengan deruan angin
mendung
mentari yang tak kelihatan
terasa hambar
terasa sepi
terasa kosong
Get a life
Received the following in my email today. Had lots of ting! ting! ting! from it..some real good thots - I simply need to keep it handy.
This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD. Worth reading !!
"I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.
People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.
Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre at my job if those other things were not true.
You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?
Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.
Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.
It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.
I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived".
This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD. Worth reading !!
"I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.
People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.
Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre at my job if those other things were not true.
You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?
Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.
Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.
It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.
I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived".
Thursday, January 29, 2009
nervous
I watch
the face
in his sleep
i see
a prick of
discontentment
at day
covered by laughter
the world
sees
a strong man
crisscrossed
is the journey
love
happiness
trust
broken
to pieces
in the name of
the pillar of thoughts
for life
so be it
crashed
and crushed
getting-up
falling
and getting up again
layers of love
cracked
abandoned
the wounded hearts
are they curable?
I am
by your side
reaching and gauging
the emotions
surrendering
love
passion
hope
happiness
often
untimely
seemingly arrogant
heartless
i watch
your face
in your sleep
i see the prick of discontentment
you
as i am
we are nervous
with this journey
the face
in his sleep
i see
a prick of
discontentment
at day
covered by laughter
the world
sees
a strong man
crisscrossed
is the journey
love
happiness
trust
broken
to pieces
in the name of
the pillar of thoughts
for life
so be it
crashed
and crushed
getting-up
falling
and getting up again
layers of love
cracked
abandoned
the wounded hearts
are they curable?
I am
by your side
reaching and gauging
the emotions
surrendering
love
passion
hope
happiness
often
untimely
seemingly arrogant
heartless
i watch
your face
in your sleep
i see the prick of discontentment
you
as i am
we are nervous
with this journey
gementar
ku tatap
wajah
di depanku
dalam lena
terpalit keresahan
yang
dikelam
dengan tawa
dunia
melihat
tamamnya
seorang
lelaki
bersiur
perjalanan
cinta
bahagia
percaya
terlerai
berkecai
demi pegangan
paksi pedoman
hidup
biar terhempas
jatuh berkecai
bangun
jatuh
dan bangun lagi
lapisan cinta
retak kasih
terabai
robeknya hati
apakah terubat
aku
kini
di sisi
menyelam rasa
berserah
cinta
kasih
harapan
bahagia
sering
ditepis
nampak angkuh
tak berhati
ku tatap
wajah mu
dalam lena
terpalit keresahan
kau
seperti aku
gementar
dengan perjalanan ini..
wajah
di depanku
dalam lena
terpalit keresahan
yang
dikelam
dengan tawa
dunia
melihat
tamamnya
seorang
lelaki
bersiur
perjalanan
cinta
bahagia
percaya
terlerai
berkecai
demi pegangan
paksi pedoman
hidup
biar terhempas
jatuh berkecai
bangun
jatuh
dan bangun lagi
lapisan cinta
retak kasih
terabai
robeknya hati
apakah terubat
aku
kini
di sisi
menyelam rasa
berserah
cinta
kasih
harapan
bahagia
sering
ditepis
nampak angkuh
tak berhati
ku tatap
wajah mu
dalam lena
terpalit keresahan
kau
seperti aku
gementar
dengan perjalanan ini..
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Psyched up
Making a point to chart my exercise/toning regime, praying hard that this is not another hangar-hangat taik ayam - again. Must admit that i'm getting excited about the whole thing - the effort and time and the results so far. No doubt there are lots - i mean - LOTS - to be shed and toned, but i'd like to believe that this is another of my 'on my way' thing.
Summary of Tips I gathered from my trainer
1)Heart rate pyramid
a) 80% above
b) 61-79%
c) Below 60%
2)Weight loss
stretching and exercising will make you sweat and all but if heart rate is of
pyramid @a)
weight loss in short time but flabby
pyramid @b)
weight loss in longer time but firm / toned - recommended
pyramid @c)
weight loss very loooonnng time – not effective, good for weight maintenance
3)Me :
max heart rate : 179
recommended heart rate : 110 - 143 (pyramid @b)
4)Weight loss package regime
= combo management of food intake + exercise + enough sleep (min 6 hours)!
includes MINIMUM 8 glasses of who-aa a day
5)Kena stretch out lepas exercise – it’s the foooood to the muscle
6)Food intake vs blood group. Eat right for your type. Interesting!
-------------
Adapun seketika ceriteranya - balik kampong @ hari raya cina - GONE!!!
i binged on food like there was no tomorrow. Sob! Sob! Sob! Gamaknya if DH ada... i am loss for words to express on his behalf! No - kalau dia ada - i suppose i wud only have the chance to dream on food-bingeing! I wish he's here..
Got back in SubangIndera yesterday evening. Right after Maghrib, I found myself at the gym.. Alhamdulillah. Semangat wanita melayu ku masih mantap rupanya..
45 minutes on the treadmill, and 2 (only!) sets of circuit training for lower part.
--------------
Conversation with DH this morning ... he's changing his life style altogether - increase training time, reduce work time (as work wont complete anyway.. tau tak pa, ogrhang dok cakap tak nak dengark!) - training TWICE a day! And when DH trains, HE TRAINS & SWEATS BIG TIME. Adoiii.... baghru ler teman nak catch up, dia dah double the speed, macamana ni torts! panix!!
--------------
While walking on the way for today's corporate day gathering, a young engineer sapa and shared his findings on the eat-right for your blood type. A motivational support there..
Lunch hour another young engineer came into my room. Ghupenya mamat ni pun has been to the same gym in Taipan. No wonder he has been throwing light remarks on my gym trips in the last couple of weeks.. Cheekily he was disappointed when i told him that i trained at the Ladies Area - ;) We exchanged tips and experience with the trainings/trainers. Good. Another motivation.
Oh! I love this good feeling - I am all so psyched up.
Can't wait to go for my session tonite.
Summary of Tips I gathered from my trainer
1)Heart rate pyramid
a) 80% above
b) 61-79%
c) Below 60%
2)Weight loss
stretching and exercising will make you sweat and all but if heart rate is of
pyramid @a)
weight loss in short time but flabby
pyramid @b)
weight loss in longer time but firm / toned - recommended
pyramid @c)
weight loss very loooonnng time – not effective, good for weight maintenance
3)Me :
max heart rate : 179
recommended heart rate : 110 - 143 (pyramid @b)
4)Weight loss package regime
= combo management of food intake + exercise + enough sleep (min 6 hours)!
includes MINIMUM 8 glasses of who-aa a day
5)Kena stretch out lepas exercise – it’s the foooood to the muscle
6)Food intake vs blood group. Eat right for your type. Interesting!
-------------
Adapun seketika ceriteranya - balik kampong @ hari raya cina - GONE!!!
i binged on food like there was no tomorrow. Sob! Sob! Sob! Gamaknya if DH ada... i am loss for words to express on his behalf! No - kalau dia ada - i suppose i wud only have the chance to dream on food-bingeing! I wish he's here..
Got back in SubangIndera yesterday evening. Right after Maghrib, I found myself at the gym.. Alhamdulillah. Semangat wanita melayu ku masih mantap rupanya..
45 minutes on the treadmill, and 2 (only!) sets of circuit training for lower part.
--------------
Conversation with DH this morning ... he's changing his life style altogether - increase training time, reduce work time (as work wont complete anyway.. tau tak pa, ogrhang dok cakap tak nak dengark!) - training TWICE a day! And when DH trains, HE TRAINS & SWEATS BIG TIME. Adoiii.... baghru ler teman nak catch up, dia dah double the speed, macamana ni torts! panix!!
--------------
While walking on the way for today's corporate day gathering, a young engineer sapa and shared his findings on the eat-right for your blood type. A motivational support there..
Lunch hour another young engineer came into my room. Ghupenya mamat ni pun has been to the same gym in Taipan. No wonder he has been throwing light remarks on my gym trips in the last couple of weeks.. Cheekily he was disappointed when i told him that i trained at the Ladies Area - ;) We exchanged tips and experience with the trainings/trainers. Good. Another motivation.
Oh! I love this good feeling - I am all so psyched up.
Can't wait to go for my session tonite.
Friday, January 23, 2009
why-o-why
I was at Mandarin Oriental for a company event which i thought is rather extravaganza and unnecessary. I'm not going to elaborate into the lavishness - simply think it's not worth getting attention of my thots..
However, while standing in one corner observing the crowd, i saw two attractive looking ladies walking towards the entrance of the Emerald Room. I appreciate the apprearance of one of them, her striking movements and simple yet elegant dressing. Too bad - she's wearing this 'perasan' look - that spelled so loudly 'i know i look good'. It killed my appreciation, it ruined the beauty. I guessed she's from the Client-clan.
What ever happen to sifat humble orang melayu? Be it one is lawa, or intelligent or successful in life, why-o-why la have to put on that air of superiority.
Wallahi - this is not about me being inferior, it's just that i could not help having this 'who do you think you are to carry yourself the way you do?'
No appearance is beautiful nor complete without the humble-being.
By the way, later i spotted her on the side stage - playing a back-up singer.
However, while standing in one corner observing the crowd, i saw two attractive looking ladies walking towards the entrance of the Emerald Room. I appreciate the apprearance of one of them, her striking movements and simple yet elegant dressing. Too bad - she's wearing this 'perasan' look - that spelled so loudly 'i know i look good'. It killed my appreciation, it ruined the beauty. I guessed she's from the Client-clan.
What ever happen to sifat humble orang melayu? Be it one is lawa, or intelligent or successful in life, why-o-why la have to put on that air of superiority.
Wallahi - this is not about me being inferior, it's just that i could not help having this 'who do you think you are to carry yourself the way you do?'
No appearance is beautiful nor complete without the humble-being.
By the way, later i spotted her on the side stage - playing a back-up singer.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
the 2 pictures
When i was driving towards parking at Al-Falah, i saw a familiar beamer approaching the parking from the opposite direction. It was just minutes before maghrib but since it was raining earlier, it was pretty dark that i could not ascertain the plate number. As the 2 cars appraoched each other - it's confirmed that the beamer belongs to my SrGM at work. Inside were him and wife. I waved at them as i passed to enter the muslimat's entrance.
Insyaallah.... one day, DH and I would come together.
While listening to the tazkirah, I spotted Sister R at the front row. I last met her in Makbul Restaurant while she was having dinner with her husband - so happened, the nite prior to their journey for Hajj.
Then, we exchanged warm hugs, commenting that we hardly see one another except at Terawikh. That's how i first met Sister R back in the year 2006. She started making conversations. I was not comfortable talking to strangers on personal matters, on top of that - talking in the masjid, when one should be concentrating on making doa, seeking solace, and get close to Him. However Sister R was very pleasant, sisterly and perhaps she's a God-sent, who could tell... Along the way I shared that i just had a divorce bla, bla, bla, bla. Could sensed her genuine concern and she was all so comforting and gave lots of encouraging words.
Thot i owe it to her for 'appearing' for me at the stage of my life. So i decided to share my latest development.. that i got married again. I could see her happiness in her eyes for me.
Sister R approached me as she was leaving the restaurant - 'It must be your rezeki. We are leaving for Hajj tomorrow. Do you have any special doa for me to extend for you?". I gave her a big hug, asked for her to send my salaam to Rasulullah SAW... and of course i requested her to make doa for Allah to open ways for me and DH to be together soon, etc., etc. My eyes followed Sister R walking side by side with her husband towards their car. Masyaallah, i was envious with the life she has.. at that age(late 50s), having a simple dinner with her beloved husband - due for a journey to Makkah - together. Ya Allah bless me too, please.
After the tazkirah, i approached Sister R, tapping her shoulder "Ya Hajjah, Ya Hajjah..". She turned, looked at me, her eyes beaming. We hugged each other. "I made doa for you sayang. I did. Of so many pesanan from people, your smiling face appeared when i was making doa. Yes i made doa for you, once in Jabbal Rahmah, another at the Arafah." I was speachless - sebak rasa. She continued "i made doa for you.. may Allah makbul." Syahdu..! I silently continued with my doa in this house of Allah.
After a while, i felt a hand holding my arms. I turned to see an aunt - whom i also gotto know during Terawikh sessions.
She's in her late 60s - I noticed this elderly aunt walking independently joining the saff, the iftaar and the like.. wishing Mak is as sihat and strong to enjoy the nikmat being in this house of Allah - with the rest of these beautiful people who are there seeking solace. I wonder where are her children.. Got the chance to share my thoughts with 'ibu' one nite(she insisted that i call her that), and our relationship began, with her bringing especially for me a jar of acar buah from Singapore, cooking some dishes ensuring i have my share at iftar.. Yes - there's so much love in the house of Allah.
We hugged each other and she asked about Mak. I commented that i was looking out for her the past few weeks, noticed that she has not been there for quite a while. Ibu related that she has been attending to her daughter whose Pilot-husband just passed away during the recent wukuf.
Innalillahi wainna ilaihirraji'un. I was lost for words again, very well knowing the split. On one end it's - Masyaallah! so beautiful - a definite jannah for him. On the other, it must be difficult for his wife and the three young kids. "He's only 50...tak sangka-sangka. Dia tak sakit apa-apa pun. Rasa macam daun kering gugur..". Ibu also related that 2 months ago the youngest 9 year old grandson woke up crying - as he had a dream that his dad passed away in Makkah. And Ibu, as i would if i were in her shoes, told her grandson then that kalau mimpi orang meninggal meaning orang tu kenyang..
Lahawlawalaquwwata - who could tell.
Ya Allah - Engkau Maha Berkuasa.
I extended my condolence to ibu's daughter, hope Allah gives her the strengths.
Lots of thots from tonite ....
2 pictures -
1) Kehidupan - just like i have always wished for
2) Kematian - could happen any time
Ya Rabb, Engkau menentukan segalanya.
Aku mohon Ya Allah, sekira baik untukku dan suamiku, berikan kami kesempatan untuk hidup bersama. Hanya Engkau yang mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk kami.
Aku mohon Ya Allah, berkati kehidupanku, suamiku, kaum keluargaku, sahabat handai dan para ahli jemaah serta semua orang-orang yang aku sayangi... Ameen.
-------------
Called and spoke to DH - related the 2 pictures, and a "i just call to say i love you."
Insyaallah.... one day, DH and I would come together.
While listening to the tazkirah, I spotted Sister R at the front row. I last met her in Makbul Restaurant while she was having dinner with her husband - so happened, the nite prior to their journey for Hajj.
Then, we exchanged warm hugs, commenting that we hardly see one another except at Terawikh. That's how i first met Sister R back in the year 2006. She started making conversations. I was not comfortable talking to strangers on personal matters, on top of that - talking in the masjid, when one should be concentrating on making doa, seeking solace, and get close to Him. However Sister R was very pleasant, sisterly and perhaps she's a God-sent, who could tell... Along the way I shared that i just had a divorce bla, bla, bla, bla. Could sensed her genuine concern and she was all so comforting and gave lots of encouraging words.
Thot i owe it to her for 'appearing' for me at the stage of my life. So i decided to share my latest development.. that i got married again. I could see her happiness in her eyes for me.
Sister R approached me as she was leaving the restaurant - 'It must be your rezeki. We are leaving for Hajj tomorrow. Do you have any special doa for me to extend for you?". I gave her a big hug, asked for her to send my salaam to Rasulullah SAW... and of course i requested her to make doa for Allah to open ways for me and DH to be together soon, etc., etc. My eyes followed Sister R walking side by side with her husband towards their car. Masyaallah, i was envious with the life she has.. at that age(late 50s), having a simple dinner with her beloved husband - due for a journey to Makkah - together. Ya Allah bless me too, please.
After the tazkirah, i approached Sister R, tapping her shoulder "Ya Hajjah, Ya Hajjah..". She turned, looked at me, her eyes beaming. We hugged each other. "I made doa for you sayang. I did. Of so many pesanan from people, your smiling face appeared when i was making doa. Yes i made doa for you, once in Jabbal Rahmah, another at the Arafah." I was speachless - sebak rasa. She continued "i made doa for you.. may Allah makbul." Syahdu..! I silently continued with my doa in this house of Allah.
After a while, i felt a hand holding my arms. I turned to see an aunt - whom i also gotto know during Terawikh sessions.
She's in her late 60s - I noticed this elderly aunt walking independently joining the saff, the iftaar and the like.. wishing Mak is as sihat and strong to enjoy the nikmat being in this house of Allah - with the rest of these beautiful people who are there seeking solace. I wonder where are her children.. Got the chance to share my thoughts with 'ibu' one nite(she insisted that i call her that), and our relationship began, with her bringing especially for me a jar of acar buah from Singapore, cooking some dishes ensuring i have my share at iftar.. Yes - there's so much love in the house of Allah.
We hugged each other and she asked about Mak. I commented that i was looking out for her the past few weeks, noticed that she has not been there for quite a while. Ibu related that she has been attending to her daughter whose Pilot-husband just passed away during the recent wukuf.
Innalillahi wainna ilaihirraji'un. I was lost for words again, very well knowing the split. On one end it's - Masyaallah! so beautiful - a definite jannah for him. On the other, it must be difficult for his wife and the three young kids. "He's only 50...tak sangka-sangka. Dia tak sakit apa-apa pun. Rasa macam daun kering gugur..". Ibu also related that 2 months ago the youngest 9 year old grandson woke up crying - as he had a dream that his dad passed away in Makkah. And Ibu, as i would if i were in her shoes, told her grandson then that kalau mimpi orang meninggal meaning orang tu kenyang..
Lahawlawalaquwwata - who could tell.
Ya Allah - Engkau Maha Berkuasa.
I extended my condolence to ibu's daughter, hope Allah gives her the strengths.
Lots of thots from tonite ....
2 pictures -
1) Kehidupan - just like i have always wished for
2) Kematian - could happen any time
Ya Rabb, Engkau menentukan segalanya.
Aku mohon Ya Allah, sekira baik untukku dan suamiku, berikan kami kesempatan untuk hidup bersama. Hanya Engkau yang mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk kami.
Aku mohon Ya Allah, berkati kehidupanku, suamiku, kaum keluargaku, sahabat handai dan para ahli jemaah serta semua orang-orang yang aku sayangi... Ameen.
-------------
Called and spoke to DH - related the 2 pictures, and a "i just call to say i love you."
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Ridlizz
each time - it jumps from nowhere - i suppose out of its fear of me - it scares the #^@% out of me!
And each time - i'd swear - the next time i would be more alert of its presence. But no, i still jump!
i hate the cicak !!!
why cant anyone come up with something like the Ridsect or the Mortein.. there's definitely a market for it - I need a Ridlizz!
And each time - i'd swear - the next time i would be more alert of its presence. But no, i still jump!
i hate the cicak !!!
why cant anyone come up with something like the Ridsect or the Mortein.. there's definitely a market for it - I need a Ridlizz!
a sad world
The whole world wept on 9-11,
The whole world still shudder thinking of 9-11 and it's magnitude
What and where is gaza in comparison to 9-11?
We live in such a sad-sad world!
The whole world still shudder thinking of 9-11 and it's magnitude
What and where is gaza in comparison to 9-11?
We live in such a sad-sad world!
Friday, January 16, 2009
God Sent
Spoke long to Sister N last nite after the hadith class. It's always good to speak to her. I admire her strength and faith .. a woman of strength she is - a God Sent to me.
Sent a note thanking her and came the reply.
waa'laikumusalaam warahmatullahiwabarakatu ...
insyallah .... will keep you in my prayers.
Remember ... in whatever results we want in our lives, the formula is the same :
(1) usaha +
(2) ikhtiar +
(3) doa' and then
(4) tawakkal ( leaving it in allah's good hands) ...
and then when u get the outcome :
(5a) REDHA if it did not turn out the way u want or
(5b) Bersyukur if u get what u want.
Today is Friday ... good day untuk banyakkan doa' .... we still have some hours yet until end of asar ... its my favourite day of the week :-)
Love.
Sister N
I love you too - and i pray Allah bless you with all that you pray and hope for in life and the hereafter.
Sent a note thanking her and came the reply.
waa'laikumusalaam warahmatullahiwabarakatu ...
insyallah .... will keep you in my prayers.
Remember ... in whatever results we want in our lives, the formula is the same :
(1) usaha +
(2) ikhtiar +
(3) doa' and then
(4) tawakkal ( leaving it in allah's good hands) ...
and then when u get the outcome :
(5a) REDHA if it did not turn out the way u want or
(5b) Bersyukur if u get what u want.
Today is Friday ... good day untuk banyakkan doa' .... we still have some hours yet until end of asar ... its my favourite day of the week :-)
Love.
Sister N
I love you too - and i pray Allah bless you with all that you pray and hope for in life and the hereafter.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
my weekend sanctuaries
Life has it for me that i am tuned as such that my activities do not depend on the availability of others. It was difficult in the beginning - that as much as i could, i avoided being in the public - not wanting to see 'the togetherness' that i failed to have - or rather - that i was not blessed with, for reasons i now know.
I still do feel envious - at times - on those having the leisure spending time with their family and love ones - tak kisah ler kat mana or buat apa. These lot come as a package and that's envious - again, at times.
Alhamdulillah, time is a good heal. Am counting on it :)
I now have the options to either be on my own or if i like, welcome the company of others. Sounds selfish? No - it's a defence mechanism.
.jpg)
i appreciate the calmness,
dalam kesamaran bilik penuh selesa,
jejari halus membelai, mengurut,
melayan ceritera ku
sentuhan demi sentuhan
aku terlena...
.jpg)
i appreciate the calmness
berjemaah dengan wajah-wajah
yang sering berpesan
tentang tujuan perjalanan
mengajak bersama mengingati
dan memuji mu Tuhan
aku terjaga...
I still do feel envious - at times - on those having the leisure spending time with their family and love ones - tak kisah ler kat mana or buat apa. These lot come as a package and that's envious - again, at times.
Alhamdulillah, time is a good heal. Am counting on it :)
I now have the options to either be on my own or if i like, welcome the company of others. Sounds selfish? No - it's a defence mechanism.
.jpg)
i appreciate the calmness,
dalam kesamaran bilik penuh selesa,
jejari halus membelai, mengurut,
melayan ceritera ku
sentuhan demi sentuhan
aku terlena...
.jpg)
i appreciate the calmness
berjemaah dengan wajah-wajah
yang sering berpesan
tentang tujuan perjalanan
mengajak bersama mengingati
dan memuji mu Tuhan
aku terjaga...
Tepuk Dada
We are so helpless - and cannot do much on the situation in Gaza. But each of us can do this bit. It is our choice - yours and mine. Let's start looking for the other options...
Sunday, January 11, 2009
When hardships fall, what level do you fall in?
Fatawa Arkaan Al-Islam- Translated by Abu Az-Zubayr Harrison
We all pass through difficult stages. Hardships are part and parcel of life. But the way we react to them makes us different as people. As a scholar of the past said people look the same during ease, but are different when hardships strike. Sheikh Bin Uthaymeen explained the different levels of people in a beautiful manner.
People, during afflictions and difficulties, are at four levels:
1. Becoming angry
People get angry in their heart as if they are angry with their Lord. So, they become angry with what Allah decreed for them, and this is not permissible. It's possible that it could even lead to disbelief. Allah says:
"And among mankind is he who worships Allah as it were, upon the very edge (i.e. in doubt); if good befalls him, he's content therewith, but if a trial befalls him, he turns back on his face (i.e. reverts back to disbelief after embracing Islam). He loses both this world and the Hereafter." (Qur'an, 22:11)
Others express their anger by their tongue, calling and supplicating for destruction or ruin. This is also impermissible. Some others slap cheeks, rip their clothes, and pull out their hair. None of this is allowed. It's in contradiction to having the required patience.
2. Remaining patient
A poet once said, "Patience, like its name, is bitter in taste, yet its outcomes are sweeter than honey."
The patient ones bear (the affliction) although they dislike it. Their faith prevents them from becoming angry. So, the period of affliction and period without hardship are not the same to him. This (level) is obligatory because Allah commanded the people to be patient, saying: "And be patient. Certainly, Allah is with the patient ones." (Qur'an, 8:46)
3. Being pleased
Some are pleased with the affliction. Things are pretty much the same for them. There is no difficulty facing them and they don't bear it as something heavy.
This (level) is preferred but not an obligation according to the most correct of opinions.
4. Being thankful
Being grateful is the highest level. This is the state when a person thanks Allah for the affliction that has befallen him. He knows that such a difficulty is a means of expiation for his sins and perhaps a cause for an increase in his good deeds. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
"There's no affliction that strikes a Muslim except that Allah expiates with it (his sins), even with a thorn that may prick him." (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
k e m e l u t
(I)
resah dengan kemelut persengketaan dunia
tak terdaya melawan penindasan demi penindasan
suara jahil jauh lebih lantang dan berkuasa
itulah hakikat kehidupan dunia
hanya airmata
mengiringi doa
(II)
resah dengan kemelut penantian
tak terdaya merancang untuk esok
suara hati turut gementar
munkin salah fokus penantian ini
siapa tahu - kematian yang datang dulu
itulah hakikat kehidupan insan
hanya airmata
mengiringi kesalan kealpaan diri
mengiringi kesyukuran - detik yang masih Tuhan berikan
resah dengan kemelut persengketaan dunia
tak terdaya melawan penindasan demi penindasan
suara jahil jauh lebih lantang dan berkuasa
itulah hakikat kehidupan dunia
hanya airmata
mengiringi doa
(II)
resah dengan kemelut penantian
tak terdaya merancang untuk esok
suara hati turut gementar
munkin salah fokus penantian ini
siapa tahu - kematian yang datang dulu
itulah hakikat kehidupan insan
hanya airmata
mengiringi kesalan kealpaan diri
mengiringi kesyukuran - detik yang masih Tuhan berikan
Ilmu - various pengajaran from hadith
Notes from Madrasah USJ4 - 10/1/09
Ustaz Muhammad bin Abdullah
Hadith 1
========
To those who seek after ilmu -
malaikat, langit & bumi, binatang and other makhluk - turut mendoakan meminta Allah berikan kemudahan di dunia & syurga di akhirat
Ilmu
a)fardhu ain
-- about hukum hakam - islam syumul - merangkumi
-- about ibadah
b) fardhu kifayah
-- about membangunkan tamadun kemanusiaan - dunia & akhirat
Nabi Muhammad SAW meninggalkan ilmu kepada ummatnya
Ilmu jika diamalkan ada ganjaran / kebaikan
Ilmu ---> Amalan
Amalan
a) untuk diri - eg solat/puasa/zakat
b) untuk keluarga - eg anak isteri yang soleh/solehah
c) untuk masyarakat - eg adakan majlis ilmu
d) untuk negara - eg bangunkan negara islam
e) untuk ummah islamiah - beyond race / nationality
Paradox
5 amalan ber-paradox (ketidakseimbangan)
eg One who focus on masyarakat, may neglect the family
therefore the importance of jemaah - each helping the other dalam amalan
Hadith 2
========
Mencari ilmu adalah fardhu bagi setiap ornag Islam
Perkara yang tak biasa didengar tak semestinya tidak ujud / tidak benar
Jangan merasa cukup dengan ilmu --- bermula kejahilan - sombong
Hadith 3
========
Allah meng-elok-kan rupa orang yang mendengar & menyampaikan kepada ornag lain
Ilmu adalah milik Allah and Allah berikan kepada siapa yang dikehendakiNya
Attending majlis ilmu on x - one could learn on y, jika diizinkanNya
Belajar }
Mengajar }
Mendengar } Ilmu
Mencintai }
Wallaahu a'lam
Ustaz Muhammad bin Abdullah
Hadith 1
========
To those who seek after ilmu -
malaikat, langit & bumi, binatang and other makhluk - turut mendoakan meminta Allah berikan kemudahan di dunia & syurga di akhirat
Ilmu
a)fardhu ain
-- about hukum hakam - islam syumul - merangkumi
-- about ibadah
b) fardhu kifayah
-- about membangunkan tamadun kemanusiaan - dunia & akhirat
Nabi Muhammad SAW meninggalkan ilmu kepada ummatnya
Ilmu jika diamalkan ada ganjaran / kebaikan
Ilmu ---> Amalan
Amalan
a) untuk diri - eg solat/puasa/zakat
b) untuk keluarga - eg anak isteri yang soleh/solehah
c) untuk masyarakat - eg adakan majlis ilmu
d) untuk negara - eg bangunkan negara islam
e) untuk ummah islamiah - beyond race / nationality
Paradox
5 amalan ber-paradox (ketidakseimbangan)
eg One who focus on masyarakat, may neglect the family
therefore the importance of jemaah - each helping the other dalam amalan
Hadith 2
========
Mencari ilmu adalah fardhu bagi setiap ornag Islam
Perkara yang tak biasa didengar tak semestinya tidak ujud / tidak benar
Jangan merasa cukup dengan ilmu --- bermula kejahilan - sombong
Hadith 3
========
Allah meng-elok-kan rupa orang yang mendengar & menyampaikan kepada ornag lain
Ilmu adalah milik Allah and Allah berikan kepada siapa yang dikehendakiNya
Attending majlis ilmu on x - one could learn on y, jika diizinkanNya
Belajar }
Mengajar }
Mendengar } Ilmu
Mencintai }
Wallaahu a'lam
Ibadah
Notes from a session at Madrasah USJ4 8/1/09:
Ustaz Muhammad bin Abdullah
Ibadah
- pengabdian kepada Ilahi
- mencari ilmu, work in the office, preparing breakfast for the family, taat pada suami
Syarat-syarat
1. Niat - kena betul. Amalan mesti disertakan dengan niat yang ikhlas untuk agama
(eg adakan majlis kesyukuran with anak-anak yatim)
2. Amalan sekurang-kurangnya adalah diharuskan oleh agama
(straight forward)
3. Perlaksanaan - kena betul
(eg tatasusila dalam majlis - pakaian, pergaulan etc)
4. Tidak meninggalkan rukun iman & rukun islam dalam melaksanakan amalan tersebut
(waktu solat tak ditinggalkan)
- orang beriman selalunya dikaitkan dengan orang yang beramal soleh
- keimanan akan melahirkan amal soleh
Wallaahu a'lam
Ustaz Muhammad bin Abdullah
Ibadah
- pengabdian kepada Ilahi
- mencari ilmu, work in the office, preparing breakfast for the family, taat pada suami
Syarat-syarat
1. Niat - kena betul. Amalan mesti disertakan dengan niat yang ikhlas untuk agama
(eg adakan majlis kesyukuran with anak-anak yatim)
2. Amalan sekurang-kurangnya adalah diharuskan oleh agama
(straight forward)
3. Perlaksanaan - kena betul
(eg tatasusila dalam majlis - pakaian, pergaulan etc)
4. Tidak meninggalkan rukun iman & rukun islam dalam melaksanakan amalan tersebut
(waktu solat tak ditinggalkan)
- orang beriman selalunya dikaitkan dengan orang yang beramal soleh
- keimanan akan melahirkan amal soleh
Wallaahu a'lam
Friday, January 09, 2009
Qunut Nazilah for our brothers and sisters in Gaza
Please let's all amalkan doa QUNUT NAZILAH - dibaca pada setiap solat fardhu: Zohor, Asar, Maghrib, Isyak dan Subuh, pada rakaat terakhir selepas bangun dari Ruku’ untuk ‘Itidal, after bacaan
سَÙ…ِعَ اللَّÙ‡ُ Ù„ِÙ…َÙ†ْ ØَÙ…ِدَÙ‡ُ ، رَبَّÙ†َا ÙˆَÙ„َÙƒَ الْØَÙ…ْدُ
Note :
If tak dapat hafal - Qunut Nazilah could also be read selepas solat.
“ Ya Allah, sesungguhnya kami bermohon pertolongan Mu, kami meminta ampun kepada Mu, kami memohon petunjuk dari Mu, kami beriman kepada Mu, kami berserah kepada Mu dan kami memuji Mu dengan segala kebaikan, kami mensyukuri dan tidak mengkufuri Mu, kami melepaskan diri daripada sesiapa yang durhaka kepada Mu.
Ya Allah, Engkau yang kami sembah dan kepada Engkau kami bersalat dan sujud, dan kepada Engkau jualah kami datang bergegas, kami mengharap rahmat Mu dan kami takut akan azab Mu kerana azab Mu yang sebenar akan menyusul mereka yang kufur
Ya Allah, Muliakanlah Islam dan masyarakat Islam. Hentikanlah segala macam kezaliman dan permusuham, Bantulah saudara-saudara kami di mana sahaja mereka berada. Angkatlah dari mereka kesusahan, bala, peperangan dan permusuhan.
Ya Allah, selamatkanlah kami dari segala keburukan dan janganlah Engkau jadikan kami tempat turunnya bencana, hindarkanlah kami dari segala bala kerana tidak sesiapa yang dapat menghindarkannya melainkan Engkau, ya Allah.”
Ameen.
سَÙ…ِعَ اللَّÙ‡ُ Ù„ِÙ…َÙ†ْ ØَÙ…ِدَÙ‡ُ ، رَبَّÙ†َا ÙˆَÙ„َÙƒَ الْØَÙ…ْدُ
Note :
If tak dapat hafal - Qunut Nazilah could also be read selepas solat.
“ Ya Allah, sesungguhnya kami bermohon pertolongan Mu, kami meminta ampun kepada Mu, kami memohon petunjuk dari Mu, kami beriman kepada Mu, kami berserah kepada Mu dan kami memuji Mu dengan segala kebaikan, kami mensyukuri dan tidak mengkufuri Mu, kami melepaskan diri daripada sesiapa yang durhaka kepada Mu.
Ya Allah, Engkau yang kami sembah dan kepada Engkau kami bersalat dan sujud, dan kepada Engkau jualah kami datang bergegas, kami mengharap rahmat Mu dan kami takut akan azab Mu kerana azab Mu yang sebenar akan menyusul mereka yang kufur
Ya Allah, Muliakanlah Islam dan masyarakat Islam. Hentikanlah segala macam kezaliman dan permusuham, Bantulah saudara-saudara kami di mana sahaja mereka berada. Angkatlah dari mereka kesusahan, bala, peperangan dan permusuhan.
Ya Allah, selamatkanlah kami dari segala keburukan dan janganlah Engkau jadikan kami tempat turunnya bencana, hindarkanlah kami dari segala bala kerana tidak sesiapa yang dapat menghindarkannya melainkan Engkau, ya Allah.”
Ameen.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
the expression of love
I got a call from my HR manager yesterday about nominating me to partner with a male tv personality as the Masters of Ceremony. This is for our upcoming keeling of pipe laybarge in a 5 star hotel in KL. Attendees shall be the players and client of the O&G.Basically - it's a no-brainer as the script shall be prepared. I just need to apply some humor and try match my partner's wit.
Was quite willing to do it but a sudden thought made me call the HRM - telling him i'd revert my decision tomorrow.
It occurred to me that perhaps - i should get some thoughts from DH on the matter. Sounds so conservative, traditional and lemah gemalai, right? All of which traits i am not. But you need to be in my shoes to have this thought.
Being just married and living thousands of miles apart and meeting every 3 monthly (if luck is with us) IS something. There are also the cultural, background and upbringing issues, the age gap, our past, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.
So what - you can't manage that, torts? The truth is - i am learning to. And it's not easy.
However, it's not on those mentioned that triggered the second thought. Rather - it's DH's strong concerns - THE issues, especially those relating to our deen.
We have a list of Dos and Don'ts for each other prior to our union. No intention to blabber mine on him - but his on me - for this time.
Among the tough and challenging ones:
1) get slim
2) no make up
In the recent trip, we continued the 'lengthy discussion' on these close at heart matters - and dearest DH added a couple more
3) dressing
4) communication with the non-muhrim
yup! kwang-kwang-kwaaaang!
Item 1 - get slim
It's something that matters critically to him. He wants me lighter! Fullstop!
Whatever happen to the notion of unconditional love? Is there such?
What about being honest vs being a hypocrite? tell the truth vs tell a lie or not tell at all.
And the fact that while he's pushing me on the gym bit - he's working out as hard or double as hard - for me and for himself :)
We spent so much time at the gym in DH's recent trip - with results - and i love them, dot-dot-dot.
Item 2 - no make-up
My definition of make-up is the usage of lipstick and gloss on my lips, and the usage of the eyeliner on the rim of my eyes. Usage of foundation has been once in a blue moon.
It so happen the last blue moon was when i was with DH after the wedding. Tempek la sikit foundation konon nak bagi nampak berseri - for HIM. Perasan jugak dia dok tenung my face - ingatkan dia nak puji kata lawa ka .. only to be told - in short - tak payah la pakai lagi foundation on the face. He finds it yulky. Ggrrrr! DH even made a point the next day - to comment that i look the same with or without the foundation applied on. Duhh! Well.. there's the 12 years of age difference. Memang sah dah ghrabun orang tua ni.
I wanted to argue on the make-up issue. But what to base on?
That we Malaysian dah terbiasa and setakat lipstick and eyeliner tu - that's the very basic-minimal one could have?
That i don't feel confident appearing and meeting people with my face so bare and pale?
Valid ka?
I looked in various sources including the net - if putting on lipstick is allowable in Islam. Most of the sources quoted that putting on lipstick IS allowable in Islam ONLY for the pleasure (sedap mata) of the husband. In the presence of non-muhrim, it's a no-no.
As for my DH - he finds lips with lipstick yulky. So much for sedap mata memandang, eh! So there goes. And by the way "lip gloss do come colorless". Ggrrrrr! Ggrrrr!
Sodaqollah...
3) dressing
It's unislamic to have a short top - exposing your buttocks.
Your arms are also aurat.
Body hugging clothes are unislamic.
Another tough issue - but so-so true.
4) communication with non-muhrim
There are limits.
One must control her/his eyes and gaze.
Certain things are not discussed with the non-muhrim.
Laughters - mine yang berdekah-dekah NEED immediate control and action.
Adoh ... ke mana nak kulemparkan sifat ramah tamahku - sorang perempuan melayu? I suppose - apply it on the right situation and time.
I shared the nomination plan with DH, ending it with "i thought not - the makeup, exposure and all". His respond came "i think not too. Again i cannot negotiate on behalf of Allah".
Lots to be done on this journey home. May Allah guide us and make us of those whom He loves. Ameen.
Some thoughts extracted from my favourite site.
Love: It is a bonding emotion. There is a yearning desire to be close to that which we love. It brings us comfort in our hearts. It brings us a sense of peace and security. When we love someone, we constantly think of them, and seek out ways to please them so that they are pleased with us.
But love in itself must be expressed, not just declared; it must be substantiated by action, and not just proclaimed. Furthermore, love can never be fulfilled till the love is returned. If the love is unrequited, we are left without satiation.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
whaaaaaaaaaaaaa! sob! sob! sob!
Ideal weight range: 49 - 54 kg
You are currently 11.0 kg over your target weight range.
http://www.myfooddiary.com/resources/ideal_weight_calc.asp
You are currently 11.0 kg over your target weight range.
http://www.myfooddiary.com/resources/ideal_weight_calc.asp
What frame size?
Determining frame size:
The Elbow Breadth Method
You can also calculate your frame size by measuring the breadth of your elbow. This method tends to be more accurate than the wrist method, but it is a little more complex. Use the instructions below to achieve a proper measurement.
How to measure:
1.) Extend your arm forward so that it is horizontal and parallel to the ground.
2.) Bend your elbow so your forearm is at 90º to the ground.
3.) Place the forefinger and thumb of your other hand on either side of your elbow joint.
4.) Use your forefinger and thumb as a gauge to determine your elbow breadth by measuring the gap between them with a ruler.
The Wrist Method
The standard method is to measure the circumference of your wrist just above the bone.
Women:
Height under 5'2"
Small = wrist size less than 5.5"
Medium = wrist size 5.5" to 5.75"
Large = wrist size over 5.75"
Height 5'2" to 5' 5"
Small = wrist size less than 6"
Medium = wrist size 6" to 6.25"
Large = wrist size over 6.25"
Height over 5' 5"
Small = wrist size less than 6.25"
Medium = wrist size 6.25" to 6.5"
Large = wrist size over 6.5"
Men:
Height over 5' 5"
Small = wrist size 5.5" to 6.5"
Medium = wrist size 6.5" to 7.5"
Large = wrist size over 7.5"
The Elbow Breadth Method
You can also calculate your frame size by measuring the breadth of your elbow. This method tends to be more accurate than the wrist method, but it is a little more complex. Use the instructions below to achieve a proper measurement.
How to measure:
1.) Extend your arm forward so that it is horizontal and parallel to the ground.
2.) Bend your elbow so your forearm is at 90º to the ground.
3.) Place the forefinger and thumb of your other hand on either side of your elbow joint.
4.) Use your forefinger and thumb as a gauge to determine your elbow breadth by measuring the gap between them with a ruler.
The Wrist Method
The standard method is to measure the circumference of your wrist just above the bone.
Women:
Height under 5'2"
Small = wrist size less than 5.5"
Medium = wrist size 5.5" to 5.75"
Large = wrist size over 5.75"
Height 5'2" to 5' 5"
Small = wrist size less than 6"
Medium = wrist size 6" to 6.25"
Large = wrist size over 6.25"
Height over 5' 5"
Small = wrist size less than 6.25"
Medium = wrist size 6.25" to 6.5"
Large = wrist size over 6.5"
Men:
Height over 5' 5"
Small = wrist size 5.5" to 6.5"
Medium = wrist size 6.5" to 7.5"
Large = wrist size over 7.5"
Friday, January 02, 2009
Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage
The surprising, enlightening, and sometimes hard truths married folks all face -- and how they teach us about what love really means.
By Ylonda Gault Caviness for Redbook
You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.
In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick -- and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there. Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty.
That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.
1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."
Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.
Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.
2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.
Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.
If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.
"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.
3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.
You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.
Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."
4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.
Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."
5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.
6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.
There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.
Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.
7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.
I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.
That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.
By Ylonda Gault Caviness for Redbook
You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.
In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick -- and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there. Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty.
That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.
1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."
Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.
Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.
2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.
Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.
If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.
"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.
3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.
You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.
Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."
4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.
Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."
5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.
6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.
There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.
Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.
7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.
I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.
That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
time and distance
woke up and for the first few seconds,
wondered if you're still here,
felt as though you're out there,
and that soon you'd be beside me again.
reality dawn..
it felt so far away,
time and distance
wondered if you're still here,
felt as though you're out there,
and that soon you'd be beside me again.
reality dawn..
it felt so far away,
time and distance
1430 / 2009
One year less…
May ALLAH bless us with continuous imaan and taqwa,
May Allah guide us to be better muslimin and muslimat
May Allah free us from the negativity of our past
May Allah give us hidayah, grant us peace of mind and lots more love
May Allah provide us the best means to be ‘together’ to help each other in our journey ‘home’.
More exercise, less food,
More tea&sex, less coffee,
More zikr, more kind words, less swearing
More smiles, more laughter, more kisses, more trust.
Ameen.
With lots of love
Your wife
xxx
May ALLAH bless us with continuous imaan and taqwa,
May Allah guide us to be better muslimin and muslimat
May Allah free us from the negativity of our past
May Allah give us hidayah, grant us peace of mind and lots more love
May Allah provide us the best means to be ‘together’ to help each other in our journey ‘home’.
More exercise, less food,
More tea&sex, less coffee,
More zikr, more kind words, less swearing
More smiles, more laughter, more kisses, more trust.
Ameen.
With lots of love
Your wife
xxx
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