I got a call from my HR manager yesterday about nominating me to partner with a male tv personality as the Masters of Ceremony. This is for our upcoming keeling of pipe laybarge in a 5 star hotel in KL. Attendees shall be the players and client of the O&G.Basically - it's a no-brainer as the script shall be prepared. I just need to apply some humor and try match my partner's wit.
Was quite willing to do it but a sudden thought made me call the HRM - telling him i'd revert my decision tomorrow.
It occurred to me that perhaps - i should get some thoughts from DH on the matter. Sounds so conservative, traditional and lemah gemalai, right? All of which traits i am not. But you need to be in my shoes to have this thought.
Being just married and living thousands of miles apart and meeting every 3 monthly (if luck is with us) IS something. There are also the cultural, background and upbringing issues, the age gap, our past, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.
So what - you can't manage that, torts? The truth is - i am learning to. And it's not easy.
However, it's not on those mentioned that triggered the second thought. Rather - it's DH's strong concerns - THE issues, especially those relating to our deen.
We have a list of Dos and Don'ts for each other prior to our union. No intention to blabber mine on him - but his on me - for this time.
Among the tough and challenging ones:
1) get slim
2) no make up
In the recent trip, we continued the 'lengthy discussion' on these close at heart matters - and dearest DH added a couple more
3) dressing
4) communication with the non-muhrim
yup! kwang-kwang-kwaaaang!
Item 1 - get slim
It's something that matters critically to him. He wants me lighter! Fullstop!
Whatever happen to the notion of unconditional love? Is there such?
What about being honest vs being a hypocrite? tell the truth vs tell a lie or not tell at all.
And the fact that while he's pushing me on the gym bit - he's working out as hard or double as hard - for me and for himself :)
We spent so much time at the gym in DH's recent trip - with results - and i love them, dot-dot-dot.
Item 2 - no make-up
My definition of make-up is the usage of lipstick and gloss on my lips, and the usage of the eyeliner on the rim of my eyes. Usage of foundation has been once in a blue moon.
It so happen the last blue moon was when i was with DH after the wedding. Tempek la sikit foundation konon nak bagi nampak berseri - for HIM. Perasan jugak dia dok tenung my face - ingatkan dia nak puji kata lawa ka .. only to be told - in short - tak payah la pakai lagi foundation on the face. He finds it yulky. Ggrrrr! DH even made a point the next day - to comment that i look the same with or without the foundation applied on. Duhh! Well.. there's the 12 years of age difference. Memang sah dah ghrabun orang tua ni.
I wanted to argue on the make-up issue. But what to base on?
That we Malaysian dah terbiasa and setakat lipstick and eyeliner tu - that's the very basic-minimal one could have?
That i don't feel confident appearing and meeting people with my face so bare and pale?
Valid ka?
I looked in various sources including the net - if putting on lipstick is allowable in Islam. Most of the sources quoted that putting on lipstick IS allowable in Islam ONLY for the pleasure (sedap mata) of the husband. In the presence of non-muhrim, it's a no-no.
As for my DH - he finds lips with lipstick yulky. So much for sedap mata memandang, eh! So there goes. And by the way "lip gloss do come colorless". Ggrrrrr! Ggrrrr!
Sodaqollah...
3) dressing
It's unislamic to have a short top - exposing your buttocks.
Your arms are also aurat.
Body hugging clothes are unislamic.
Another tough issue - but so-so true.
4) communication with non-muhrim
There are limits.
One must control her/his eyes and gaze.
Certain things are not discussed with the non-muhrim.
Laughters - mine yang berdekah-dekah NEED immediate control and action.
Adoh ... ke mana nak kulemparkan sifat ramah tamahku - sorang perempuan melayu? I suppose - apply it on the right situation and time.
I shared the nomination plan with DH, ending it with "i thought not - the makeup, exposure and all". His respond came "i think not too. Again i cannot negotiate on behalf of Allah".
Lots to be done on this journey home. May Allah guide us and make us of those whom He loves. Ameen.
Some thoughts extracted from my favourite site.
Love: It is a bonding emotion. There is a yearning desire to be close to that which we love. It brings us comfort in our hearts. It brings us a sense of peace and security. When we love someone, we constantly think of them, and seek out ways to please them so that they are pleased with us.
But love in itself must be expressed, not just declared; it must be substantiated by action, and not just proclaimed. Furthermore, love can never be fulfilled till the love is returned. If the love is unrequited, we are left without satiation.
