beautiful

beautiful is
the sun
the sky
the wind
the rays
the rain
the wind chime
the fish
the breeze
the morning
the star
the music
the desert rose
the butterfly
... life is beautiful.

desert rose

from white butterfly to desert rose
i sure could fly...

white butterfly

I've got this little secret about white butterfly.

It was back in 1998 when my marriage first rocked. didn't want to spread fire therefore - stopped myself from turning to my family. blast after blast - i was at a total despair - very loss and had noone to turn to.

That particular day, i drove headlessly - undecided whether i should leave home for good or patch up and stay. my heart was broken and i really didn't know what to do. Kept praying for God to please show me the way and help ease the pain.
I stopped to make one call to X from a phone booth hoping i'd get some cues for my decision. Nope - the call did not help at all - i was still at a loss, unsure of what to do. I had Ya Allah, tolonglah hambaMu - non-stop. Got back in the car, and dalam kemelut hati and fikiran kacau, 'something' was sent to me.

A white butterfly hinggap di lengan kanan. It was there and it stayed there. It could have gotten in the car when i got out / came in for/from the call. But who would expect this little creature to just stay put on my forearm?

Suddenly hati kacau gundah gulana ribut yang melanda - lenyap. I was awed - subhanallah. agungnya kebesaranMu tuhan. He just sent one tiny fragile little creature and it changed everything that felt like my whole world was at a verge of collapsing. I was totally so so awed.

The drive from the phone booth to my apartment took around 10 minutes and through the 10 minutes, the white butterfly simply hang onto arm. I remembered smiling - it's really blissful.

I reached home - got out of the car, got into the lift, walked to my entrance, unlocked my entrance/door and my white butterfly did not nudge a bit. I sat in the living room - looking down at it on my arm - so amazed with kebesaran Tuhan.

Then i went for wudhu'. At cleaning my arm, my little friend simply creeped up my sleeve to my shoulder and stayed. Ayaiyaiyai... imagine my feeling then. And only when i sarungkan telekung - did she leave me.

And that solat, i felt like i was communicating directly to God.. kusyuk.

Of course the butterfly did not give any solution to my problem. I simply see it as a devine intervention from God to help ease the burden i was feeling inside. Alhamdulillah.

Recently, with the saga surrounding me, a white butterfly incident recur. Prior to its special appearance, i was praying to God to show me signs - permudahkan pertemuan ini - if it's right, or otherwise. A white butterfly appeared in my car - flew pass me while i was on my way. Another bliss.. And things have been so smooth so far.

Spooky - but so real.

Ya Allah, Engkaulah yang maha agung lagi maha mengetahui.


Amin.

nokhtah

bersama satu dakapan
dan ciuman di dahi
beserta airmata dan sebak suara
kau lafazkan

sebuah catatan perjalanan
bermula 05 November 1994
bernokhtah 05 December 2005.

alhamdulillah.