New Live-in Mate

This is such a sweet surprise - i discovered my new live-in mate/mates (well by the balcony that is). Never yet had the chance to exchange hello - but i sure am pleased and looking forward to meet the angkut-angkut family..

what type of x are you

You Are An Invisible Ex

You're so over your ex, you hardly even remember you have an exYou prefer leave all of the baggage behind you - far, far behindAs they say, indifference is the opposite of love!

What Type of Ex Are You?

b e r s i l i h

di jalanan hidup
ada hari panas
ada hujan
ada mendung
ada ribut
ada pelangi..
bersilih
hanya Tuhan tahu
apa bakal temani jalanan esok.

terpercik

happiness is a state of mind

sakit rupanya
bila hati
terpercik api
berharap.

warna hidup

pilihan warna hidup

apakah milik kita?

kuselit doa

sesuci melati putih

di setiap panggilan waktu

permudahkanlah...

Speedy delivery

i miss us

travelling up north to see my Q this weekend.

I miss him.

Quiz - ur religious philosophy

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion.Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu..Your convictions are strong and unwavering.You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.

What's" Your Religious Philosophy?

S M A B

sulh

was at the scheduled majlis sulh and X did not turn up.

the sister who's a doctor in putra jaya hospital called the court - bro under diabetic treatment therefore could not turn up for the session. Crap!! you are just full of shit!

you chose to walk out - tq - so walk out like a man and get out of my life!

what you do with your life in no concern of mine. I have let go and let God.

i only want my closure.

God grant me strengths and patience!

Aduhai...

Aduhai...
bergegar
bagai kilat menyambar
hati luluh bila kutahu
kau tergelincir lagi dalam perjalananmu

ku tenung perjalanan sedekad
menakung
menatang
membendung
mencurah kasih
mengharap
merintih kemarau kehidupan

guruh bergema
kau buang air di takungan
bukan sekali
dan berulang perjalanan
menakung
menatang
rupanya hujan tak jadi

pekat hitam wajah semalam
dek persimpangan berpecah arah
tapi siangku semakin terang
terasa hangat kecintaan
dari yang Hak
melindungi
menyayangi

Tuhan
ku titip doa seikhlas hati
ampunilah dosa kami
berikan petunjuk
berikan kekuatan
berikan cahaya
berikan keimanan
berikan keinsafan

Aduhai...
biar persimpangan berpecah arah
biar perjalanan lain tujuan
Pulang kita tetap pada yang Satu...

Wajah dugaan berupa-rupa
kedukaan - kesukaan
kelahiran - kematian
kesenangan - kesempitan
kenaikan - kejatuhan
pertemuan - perpisahan
perkahwinan - penceraian

Pasrah dan redha
kembalilah kepadaNya.

------------
ya-nya x
051194-010805

10th November 1995

Q turns 10 today and I can't be there with him. Sob! Sob! Sob! :(

He offered to come back to KL with me last Monday. I thanked him for his thoughtfulness but reminded that he'd be bored at home alone. He suggested that we take Aiman along so they could entertain each together. Ooo... that sounded like lots of fun ..... and trouble. A BIG NO flashed in my head.

The record has been that the longest the two could be at peace together is 15 minutes. Then the war starts - either small, big, silent or loud. Aiman is small in size and he's super-duper sensitive. He normally gets his way riding on d size factor, that and his innocent look. But we know most of the time he is not t h a t innocent. Q - big size - generally penyabar, unfortunately not with aiman. When Q strikes - he strikes hard!

It could be a good try from Q - to come back to KL with mom :) but I reminded him that Aiman is soon to start his tajwid class. As for Q - I re-confirmed that he's attending a motivational program soon, too. Schedule clashes and therefore i'd have to leave without him and aiman, tq :)

Q has been calling to check on my coughing - so nice of him :). I feel accommodated already by this young man. Need to instill lots of such related values in preparation for his future.
I have discussed with Q of a few 'things to do' (actually more of my REQUEST from him) during the school hols.
One: to learn ride a bicycle - yes - my 10 year old son could not ride a bike!!! Details soon. Two: to attend the motivational program at a sekolah with "pondok" concept (islamic teachings).

On learning to ride a bicycle - Adik (my brother; Q's father) has bought Q the bicycle for his 8th birthday. It has been rounds of prep talk to get Q to learn ride a bike. Without attempting to hide his reluctance while sweating all over, he made a few small attempts and would just shut down and give up after the 3rd fall... Pujuk, challenge or whatever tactics wouldn't get him to touch the bike again for the session. Tergelempang le basikal tu kat tengah laman. He wouldn't even pick it up.
I have tried all sorts of approach - without success. Q is the type who expects things to go smooth and right from the beginning. It bothers me - because life's not like that. So after 2 years of hoping he'd overcome his fear for 'hickups' - I put it to him very clearly this time that it's not an option - he HAS to make sure that by the time he comes back to KL - he could ride a bike. It's important to me - for his confidence and trust in himself.
Wickedly – I whispered that i'd tell his classmates about the 2 year secret if he fail this time. Thunderous HAH! HAH! HAA! Evil huh? Well - it works! Even before i left the other day - he has survived cycling straight - and i mean straight - into anything that comes before him :).
It's such a big deal for me to see this progress - afterall i have waited 2 years. I was really worried. I don't really care about him riding a bike - it's his approach in life i am concerned about. Haahh! such a relief. One down - many more to go. I suppose by this time - he would have picked up some tips on 'cornering' - (from aiman! yeah this boy rides a bike like nobody's biznez) tangan tu keghaeh bebeno! For my recollection i shall include this - on d 2nd day of raya - beloved Q left a few scrathes at the left rear of my new car... aduuus! My reaction: told him "no worries Q - ur duit raya collection this year shall be all mine" ;) Thunderous HAH! HAH! HAA!

On attending the motivational program. The sekolah 'pondok' - is organised by Ustaz Mutalib - a penceramah bebas who has been running the pondok in Kubang Semang, Bukit Mertajam. It's really a modern pondok - not those with atap nipah ~ which would have been more 'thrilling' for Q - i'm sure. The first time Q heard of the program - he responded 'Mom, tak dak aircond', 'tidur ramai-ramai busuk', and a couple of other valid and ‘understooded’ excuses. I happily added to his list - no tv, no games, no screaming 'bibiiik, ambik tualaaaa' or 'bibiiik, mana bajuuuu?' - semua sindri mau buat.

The program is actually meant for the existing students of the pondok. It's by our request that Q is enrolled. There shall be 50 of them staying there from Monday to Friday, starting 18th Nov for a month. Don't know about the other kids but i really hope this would give different perspective of life to my beloved son.
Maktok consoled Q (ke herself?) that ‘tak pa laa.. malam-malam bila ummi hantag aiman pi ngaji tajwid, boleh la maktok pi tengok qayyum’. Haa - dia buat daahh – mak aku ni. Macamana la cucu tu tak lomah!

Having said that - gotto admit that x and i had our share as well. Last year, we enrolled Q into a summer camp. It was his first - conducted in Ulu Yam, organised by AJK Masjid Al-Falaq of USJ9. There were about 100 students mainly of year 4 to Year 6. Q was among the 4 participants from Year 3. They were sleeping in tents, about 12 tents altogether including the facilitators'.
Generators were used at nite - and turn off after mid nite. Toilet is some 100 meters aways from the camp site, then on pelita ayam were lit (tahu ke apa ke benda pelita ayam tu? i just gotto know of such thing when i was there). So bebudak yang nak ke toilet at nite kena pakai torchlight (yes toslet) and pergi berteman. Thee hee..
As much as we wanted the exposure for Q, could not bear letting him out of sight just like that. We ended-up volunteering jadi facilitators ~ minus the sleeping in the tent la. We check-in into one of the challet - no aircond - no fan, luckily ada toilet. It was quite an experience making the nite-rounds with only small torchlight. Siap tersuluh babi hutan lagi - no joke! I swear I wouldn't be there if its not for Q..

It has been 2 years now that Q left his parents, siblings and mak to come live with me (and x). i believe it's not easy for him. I never experienced being pregnant - donno if i ever will, but all the same I feel I am very much a mother to Q. He equates an amanah based on my brother and his wife’s love for me. Not to mention - mak's sacrifice to let go of her beloved first cucu away. I am thankful to God to be blessed with all these wonderful people in my life.

Qayyum, Happy 10th birthday. I love you so very much.

Hugs and kisses, Mom

Back Again

Alhamdulillah. I got home safely after 4 hours drive from hometown with bibik - in my new car (kayta raye ;). Bibik's suppose to jaga and keep me awake, therefore mak and adik made her sit kat depan with me. But bibik being bibik - i stopped at a petrol station which is 15 minutes drive away from mak's place - and she's dozed off! The rest of d journey must be mimpi indah balik indon for her…

Balik kampong trip this time was with adik and family driving down from hometown, fetched Q, bibik and moi in KL and drive back from KL to hometown (hmm – inilah yang dikatakan nikmat & hikmah kancah kehidupan :). Full of excitement - were Fatihah, Aiman and Q - so very much in 'balik kampong' mood. Aiman & Fatihah never experienced balik kampong - so this marked their virgin trip. Allahyarham Sudir's balik kampong dibibir - each with different pelat - kecoh. But later - it got quiet and peaceful pasal yang bertiga tu masuk ke alam mimpi jua..
Traffic was smooth as we were among the early birds to balik kampong i.e 2 days before deepavali. Yes – it was a looonng holiday.. Cek ghaya sakan!

A day before raya – adik, Q and I visited kubur arwah beloved abah and mak tok. Did some cleaning work sambil berdoa for all beloved ones.

Di pagi raya – bermaafan and photo session. As early as 0830 hours the doorbell rang dek budak-budak kampong – tersangatlah comel-comelnya. As tho ada standard practice – after the bell rang, Fatihah wud be racing against Aiman to the door - both would be smiling broadly while waiting for the bebudak to jalan from the gate to pintu rumah. Next – exchange of greetings ‘asalamualaikuuumm – waalaikumsalaamm’. Next - supposedly - Fatihah kasi duit raya to the girls and Aiman kasi the boys, but our little heroin main kromo jer.. so ada gak adegan berkuntau between the 2. Anyway - what amazed me was that NONE of the little visitors accepted our offer untuk masuk makan kue ghaya! So much about silatulrahim & bermaaf-maafan or is it - money matters?! Kena review concept next year..

2nd raya – Nek Su’s annual event – kenduri laksa which is so sedap.

3rd raya – 5th November - ada wedding ceremony of a 1st cousin. Both bride and groom are still studying in Cairo. She’s 24 - married to her senior of 7 years – match-making result by another senior friend.
Coincidentally – 11 years ago – I had my wedding. Bad sign ka apa tak tau - I was down with viral fever plus bad coughing – therefore remained ‘inactive’ – heheheh!

4th raya - as body still aching – had to postpone my trip back to KL (which is a blessing because accordingly it was a BIG VERY congested and BAD traffic).

Q stayed back to spend school hols at kampong. Mak wanted to accompany me – but she’s been coughing so bad she lost her voice. I know any trip could worsen her coughing – so I convinced her that I would be fine.
D i d n ’ t t h i n k i t w u d b e t h i s q u i e t t h o …. Hm - Must be the impact from the (nak pantun siket)

hiruk-pikuk beraya sakan,
mengacau dodol di rumah pak long,
lodeh, lontong and sambal sotong jadi hidangan,
berat badan naik balik – mak oi – tolong!

Was back at work today. Office is rather quiet – morning meeting only with 6 attendees. My email account was closed for obvious reason. Coughing getting worse and everyone who called commented on my husky voice.

Despite it all – I am glad I am back again.