a trip 'home'

was in S@M yesterday, for a business visit. Did not expect what's awaiting for me tho. I met the lot i used to work with for almost - 5 years. The last time i was there was the day i moved out - end July 2007. Approaching the office, i realized the growing pang of 'sadness', yet meeting everyone made me feel like i was returning 'home'.

lots of huggings and kisses with those on the floor. i dropped in the bosses rooms, said hello and update news on the happening around my 'new' job and the 'new' me.
it was nice to be received welcomingly.

the girls in particular came hugging and astonished with my new look, the slimmer me, alhamdulillah. it makes me feel so good and i am all too willing to share my regime, encouraging them that if i could do it - so could they. i must thank my personal trainer for the push (today taking her for lunch @ ayam penyek :)).

so much to catch up, so little time.. yet in the shortest of time sempat jugak the 'makciks' asked me some personal questions, the kind i have been living without for the last year or so.

when i was driving back to my office in kd, i was overwhelmed with today's experience (minus the intruding questions from the so-call makciks) - wanting to reach out for more from those lot. i dialed a few numbers to thank them and hope to see them again soon.

then i found myself calling KL who is the wife to one of the bigshot of SCP.
KL after registering that it was me (i'm with my current mobile number having discarded the one she kept) 'you calling nak jemput kenduri kawin ka?' i struggled to excuse my case and the fact that it was a small wedding at a masjid. She shot -'why? you think i dont enter masjid?'.. kena lagi!

then i shared with her my experience today - that i am identifying the sadness returning to SCP - because, i was returning to the place i had to leave kerana merajuk (duhh!). i was taken for granted for rounds of episodes and empty promises. some gave hopes and therefore i was hanging on to those. While i continued giving it all on my part, these people went home at the end of the day, good nite sleep tight and life goes on. The recognition wasn't balance. Merajuk? (oh dear!) but in the corporate world, and in life for that matter, one could merajuk big time and when you're not dealing with the right kind of people - it becomes - who cares - sapa nak pujuk? Noone is indispensable.



In my SCP case, KL's hubby requested for me to stay on - timely for him to chart his plans, but i was at the edge of falling and breaking - and with the opportunity i found - i left anyway - merajuk matched and terpujuk with the better opportunity. For over a year now, i worked at more than double the salary, at half the workload. That's pretty big bonus, alhamdulillah. He works mysteriously - putting one to a test and it's kunfayakun.

Continuing with my sharing with KL, telling her why i was not in touch for so long. I chose to keep myself away from those who knew too much - most people do that in recuperating. Not that it matters what others think and say, and neither am i putting them at fault. but i was at such a stage that i could be better off without the additional problem others could be creating for me. thank you.

At the end of the day - and for the sekian kalinya, one only needs Allah. People - friends and families - are some form of bonuses. YOU are in incharge of your own destiny / life, answerable only to Him... YOU make the choice - nak make a situation good or bad, recognize the hikmah disebalik sesuatu kejadian. it's never about merajuk sapa nak pujuk really ;) While whining and ranting every now and then - well i'm born pompuan!

Guide me Ya Allah.