The Guest

It has been a while since i last blogged, each new attempt ended with smtg unfinished. Still not used to blogging - i'd want to check and ensure that i fret and i fret correctly. Lots have happened and i want so much to blog about each but time is so limited.

3 weeks ago - i picked up on a nicely folded promise to beloved mak - i.e to temankan dia perform umrah. After arwah abah left us, mak expressed her wish.. she's counting on me and adik to 'handle' her on her wheelchair. Been almost 3 years now.. the workload with adik and i never get reduced - will it ever? Mak has always put our career above other things, but i know she's not getting younger - noone is. I want so much to fulfil her wish, while i have the opportunity.

Umrah countdown @ 10 days... so much to do, so litle time. Work is a real mess with last minute schedule changes and all.. and menatang benda alah that i'm handling is not smtg i could secure from hypermarkets. So much politics involved - internally within the company, inter depts and within the dept; externally from the mega clients and shitty vessel agents/owners. And the clock goes tick! tick! tick!

Today - the email has been yo-yoing - up, down, up and down. Yup! what better time/reason to blog.

Hmm.. becoming the guest. "Is this by invitation?" i have pondered. It sure is a big thing for me. In preparation - i so far managed to attend two sessions of 'kursus umrah'. The deeper i go - the more excited yet more nervous i get.

I have been crying hard - my preparedness tak seberapa. Heard a lot tentang dugaan di sana. I am scared anticipating ujian yang akan menimpa. At the same time - i look forward so much to visit places yang terjanji olehNya rahmat. If only - i cud just put everything kat ofis ni aside..and concentrate on my preparation. Wishful... but.

I can only pray - Tuhan lancarkan perjalanan ibadah umrah - asked for strength to face what's to come. Last week was the peak. The biggest fear is with my period which has been very unpredictable. Tension kot, huh? That very night - muhasabah diri or what i wasn't sure - i woke up in the middle of the night - cried so much, so hard. Everything jumbled up - workload pressure, the preparation, the excitement, the separation from hubby, mak's health, my son and everything else. Sunat hajat however went with only one wish - to get my period before i go so that it wud stay out of my way - all to handle mak and perform umrah.

I am blessed the very next morning. I got it. Just like that. One down. My close friend put it that i am already binded as a guest. I have faith in my faith.. so God willing - a good guest i shall be. I cud visualize me pushing mak performing tawaff "Labbaikallah..(In respond to Your call...)"