Bubur Lambok @ Kg. Baru

Sogo was on Sale - the crowd need no special mention. Cari parking susah macam nak rak. But Mak wanted to buy bedsheets. It gives her so much pleasure to shop for her beddings - it's almost about all she goes for of late. So ku gagahi jua.

After some 4 hours - mak ended up with 5 new bedding sets (each complete dengan duvet - so appreciate the bulkiness, pls) this time. While I pushed mak on her wheelchair, Q & Bibik struggled with the duvets plus the other stuff that i bought - pushing them thru the growing crowd. Ponek but i was happy to see mak smiling away.

Was coming out from Sogo when Mak said - "Yang, Kg Baru jauh dak?". I thot - O boy - dia buat dah... "No, napa Mak?". Mak eagerly reponded "Mak teghingin nak makan buburk lambuk. Jom kita pi cari sat". A very simple request indeed. But the truth is - since i moved to KL in 1997 - ada la kot 5-6 kali i intentionally got to Kg Baru. Twice was with x for mee rebus at one of the stalls, twice with colleague for lunch at one of the tomyam restaurant. The others - i can't recall. Apart from the fact that i used to have a 'driver' to take me places... and therefore the ol dependency somehow prolong and restrict my 'movements'; in my capacity - i don't have much reasons to go to Kg Baru. Why need i go there for? What need i find there? Well - there u go torts - buburk lambuk for mak...

I have no idea whereabout is the masjid that gives away the famous bubur. Then again Kg Baru is no kota metropolitan - i could not possibly get lost there, right? pi kut tu - mai kut ni - kat situu la jugak. My approach then was to hentam je ikut where most cars were heading - that with a mixture of a l'ttle gut feeling and tawakkal. After all - i got mak by my side.
We ended up with a jalan with ramadhan-stalls along each side. It was around 3pm - not all stalls were operating. We spotted one with 'di sini ada jual bubur lambuk'. Q and Bibik got down to make the purchase only to be told that 'hari ni tak jual, dik'. Alahai... kesian mak.

A few stalls ke depan ada jual satay ikan. We stopped for the satay ikan. The abang jual satay ikan responded to our query "pegi ambik je kat masjid tu. tak payah beli - depa bagi percuma, acik. Ramai orang pegi ambik".
"aa.. masjid kat mana bang?" i asked. Mak sempat mencelah "makcik mai dari pulau pinang. dah lama sangat teringin nak ghasa buburk lambuk kg baru ni... Selalu dok tengok dalam tv saja..".

While pointing to the direction of the masjid, the abang jual satay ikan grabbed a bungkusan of a red plastic bag containing A PACK OF BUBUR LAMBUK - and handed to my mom. What a relief. "Makcik ambiklah ni.. saya ambik kat masjid tadi".
Mak touched tapi rasa serba salah pulak : "anak punya?".
Abang : "tak apa makcik - saya kat sini dah selalu makan bubur lambuk".

We thanked the kind-hearted abang jual satay ikan. May God bless him.
As we left - Q triggered "kat mana masjid tu mom?". To cut the story short - we ended with Q and Bibik queuing up - not so much for the bubur lambuk (we got a packet from the kind-hearted abang satay ikan ;)) - but more so - just to experience what the others had all these years :)



Q q-ing up.






Q still q-ing up









THE Masjid Kg Baru

Beloved mak - waiting.

w h a t g o e s u p w i l l c o m e d o w n . . .

Dugaan comes in many forms - some thru happiness while others thru trying period. Whatever is the package - it serves as means to test our faith. With faith - we should strive to seek His blessings. It's all in a cycle.

Therefore too - what goes up will come down.

I believe in the subject. It applies to everybody. You or me, the neighbour or the boss or the coursemate or the coleague or the X (heheheh!) especially - no escape clause.

Note to myself:
a) You do good as called for
b) You don't get to pick and choose onto whom you'd prefer to do good or do 'lesser'
c) If you get away with b) - it could just be another form of dugaan.

Would it not hurt when someone else do 'lesser' onto your love ones... or worse still - your love ones suffer for your do 'lesser'?

So - do good! What goes up will come down.

Quote-unquote from the meetings

* anticipate
* this is the time the boys are separated from the men
* .. his father-in-law has passed away. It wud be nice if it's the mother-in-law instead
* que serra, serra
* @%#&!
* hang on there
* get real
* bullshit
* let's not drag this..
* selective memory
* selective listening
* let's move on

Senyap Bermakna

Hanya hati sendiri
yang setia
menjadi teman
mendengar bisikan
menyimpan segala rahsia
menangisi kesalan dan gusaran yang bersilih

tanpa curiga
akan niat bisikan cerita
dan airmata

tanpa tergugat keikhlasan
pada sekeping hati kecewa

yang ku harapkan
hanya teman
mendengar bisikan cerita
menyimpan segala rahsia
menangisi kesalan dan gusaran yang bersilih

yang ketemui
kelainan pada keikhlasan
kata dan senyuman
lontaran kejauhan
dan senyap bermakna

.

a gift

my rainbow

muhammad qayyum, muhammad aiman & nur fatihah

s o l i t u d e

Sorry

You said you are sorry to have to do this to me
I reminded you that life is about choices
and that i have no regrets whatsoever
and that i only want you to settle your due obligations..
and walk out like a man.

Nukilan dated 6 July 2005

Kau kata di permulaan
Kau malukut di tepi gantang cuma
Dan aku bertekad merentasi perjalanan
Demi cinta kita
Berpaut secebis potensi yang ku pasti kau miliki

Rupanya sukar perjalanan ini
Jatuh, bangun,
Tersungkur dan jatuh lagi
Tetap digagahi

Dengan hijrah sinar baru menerjah
Sayangnya kau cepat alpa
Kau akur dengan godaan menara
Sedangkan aku masih termengah
Dengan jatuh bangun perjalanan semalam

Terkapa..
Terkapa..
Pautan ku rapuh rupanya
Hati dan cinta berkecai
Ku kaut, ku cantum tinggalan
Tak lagi sama
Tampak nyata serpihan di sini sana

Aduhai...
Ke manakah hala tuju?

Seusia ku diulit cengkaman
Di persimpangan dan jurang
Yang tak pernah terduga
Sanggup kau bawa

Berpatah bagai meminggir maruah
Berterus bagai menggadai kepercayaan diri

Ntah apalah asasnya
Kita teruskan jua
Mungkinkah kerana kita manusia
Terkadang tersadung langkahnya

Sampai kini
Perjalanan harian dengan tawa dan resah
Sering diterjah mimpi ngeri semalam
Keindahan bagai persinggahan
Antara mimpi-mimpi yang melelahkan emosi
Mengikis dasar cinta dan kasih

Apakah masih kita rasa?

Penantianku kini berharian
Bilakah waktunya?
Apakah kan tiba?
Giliran aku dibelai manja
Tanpa perlu meresah setiap perjalanan kehidupan.

Life Saga

Pre-X
so much love
so much hope
so much pain
so much prayers
so much strength
so many falls
so many crawls
so many fears
so many tears
so many sacrifices
so many hurdles
so many circles

X
so betrayed

Post-X
let go
let God
..
get real - move-on.

0301

Was driving to work when the phone rang. 0301 - familiar but who? malas nak fikir. Picked up anyway - couldn't hear any respond from the other end. Hang up. Then it rang again.

Heard salam from a voice - so close to my heart - a few beats skipped. OmiGod. How could i not remember the 0301? Call from Mekkah - my adopted son Fery!

Lost for words - but it's really good that someone out there - close to the house of Allah is thinking of you. Fery is 19 - he left Indonesia last year to follow his pamans footsteps to study in Masjidil Haram. Met him while performing umrah and he helped me a lot while i was there. Oh! sweet memories with him & beloved mak & Q and Kaabah.

"Sama-sama kita doakan ya, ummy - semoga Tuhan maqbulkan hasrat kita". His "asalkan ummy sihat, tenang dan bertawakkal, serta tak lupakan Allah" is so POWERFUL.

God works mysteriously.

It's a pleasant surprise from him, and from God. Thank you.

little cactus

A friend gave this cactus sometimes back in May this year. It was so little and fragile then. I fear I wud break its splits (branch is not it, right?) everytime i drip water onto it.

I'm not blessed with green fingers - normally plants i touch would surely go pe-ot. I thot this tiny little green plant would not last longer than my last umrah trip. Notice today that it's grown so much. Hmm.. this little cactus has survived this far.. getting better each day - self-sustaining - self-rectifying.

If i am a plant - i want to be this little cactus on my office desk.

My Sunshine

Woke up a little late - reached Q's school gate at 0730 hours. Very guilty - Q hates it when his name is taken as a late comer. Bad Mom! Ok - i'll have to change my schedule.

Q however - apart from the normal exchange of kiss-on-the-cheek before getting off the car, leaned against me and said 'take care, mom.'. This is nothing new - but i am especially so touched with his gesture today. I needed it..

Q, I love you so much - my sunshine.

UP or DOWN

Can't decide if i should take down these paintings which are still up on my bedroom wall. These were my anniversary "commemoration"... eewe - then very the sementol!

The reason they are still up is purely becoz - i like my art work.

I wud hate it if anyone were to think that i'm keeping them up for some sentimental values. Puhleasse! Gone, kaput, elek-pocik. I'm out of there for good!

So - up or down?

RINDU

Semalam
Bayangan cintaku menerjah
Terlalu nyata
Seolah terpacul diri di sana
Terasa ketenangan,
Terharu dengan limpahan kasih
Kagum dengan kebesaran
Pasrah dan akur dengan khada

Rindu ku ketepikan
Mempadu tumpuan dan langkah
Tegar dengan duri di persimpangan

Sekian waktu
Ku ketepikan rindu
Maksyuk dengan perjalanan status diri

Aduhai – terpanah rinduku kini
Bagai kilat menyambar
Terbakar dengan nyala membuak
semarak api cinta kasih

Air mata laju mengalir
sederas lonjakan rindu
terhinjut diri
Menahan sebak di dada

Sekian waktu
Ku ketepikan rindu
Maksyuk dengan perjalanan status diri

Hampir terleka aku
Alahai…
Jauh terasingnya rasa

Kembalikan ketenanganku, ya Allah
Kembalikan aku ke rumahMu

Baitullah – aku rindu.

Men

One day in a pre-mob meeting attended by about a dozen of our operation guys including the mat salleh coo and the pm from miri, our dearest ops-d called upon one of the newly joined secretary (she's pretty sexy - being an ex-stewardess) to make some amendments on the plans as penned on the whiteboard. They were standing infront of us all - she - apparently a little awkward and conscious that perhaps 12 pairs of eyes were on her (perhaps ~ while most of us in the room were either discussing stuff or simply minding own business waiting for the meeting to start), listened attentively to his instructions and then left.

Once she's gone, dearest ops-d announced "o by the way - she's married" paused and added "with 3 kids". His voice and face filled with amazement. I was sitting among the guys and could not help but to "eeww" silently. I looked around to see any questioning face that could have triggered the info. None. Then I heard - "Didn't hear anyone asking. Were you telling urself?". Roared..

We sure had a warm pre-mob meeting startup.

Tu ler - some men.

sandiwara

hati kacau
dengan penangan
perancangan manusia
yang cetek ilmu dan iman
lalu melambakkan peninggalan
yang telah dipertanggungjawabkan
dengan pemakaian topi
seorang suami

hati kacau
kerana tak menyangka
secetek itu ilmu dan iman
yang mengikis sifat malu manusia
menitip perlakuan yang terbenak dari hati haiwan

manusia
kau sangka kau bijak dan menang
dalam sandiwara dan tipu helah dunia
tapi dunia fana...
sampai bila kan kau ketawa dengan sandiwara?

Gabra

On Saturday immediately after subuh, bibik got the trolley from downstairs and started to load stuff into my car. We - bibik and I - were heading north - balik kampung for the weekend to fetch Q and Mak.

I was contemplating either to proceed to the petrol station or direct to McD for breakfast. Banyak no in my head... Passing the guard house, i decided to proceed to the petrol station dulu. 'Perhaps i could get some breakfast there, too'.

So - i was in my own thots, sampai kat pump - programed for full tank and approached the kiosk to look-see what they've gotto offer. I found some freshly made karipap and sausage roll, and grabbed some drinks as well. Conveniently, i packed in 2 separate bags - one for me and one for bibik. At the counter - I happily picked some give-away stickers of Malaysian flag for Merdeka. Nope - don't think i'd stick any of it on my car.. Not that i am not patriotic - but Merdeka this year means so much More Merdeka to me ~ fullstop ;) Maybe Q would want to stick them on the window of his room.

On the way out - the pump attendant - an apek - signaled me that the fueling was done. I thanked him, approached my car and handed over the breakfast bags to bibik. Bibik! MAK! Bibik was not there! Mana la pulak peginya Bibik ni.. Tak kan 'lari' kut.. what a timing - not now please..! Mula panix...

I checked the boot - her bag of clothes was still there. So - she cud not have ran away without it. Mana la dia pi..?

me : 'Uncle, did you see my girl?'
uncle :'Aa? what girl? No.' then on second thots continued 'you check the toilet - maybe she go there.'
me: 'tq - aa toilet kat mana?'
The apek pointed the direction.
Bibik is such a penakut person - she would not go anywhere without telling me. 'Perhaps nature's call - tak tahan sangat dah kut...but we juet left the house'. I was negotiating with myself while driving the car around to the toilet. Honked - nothing. Went out and approached the toilet door. 'Bibik! bibik!' - nothing.
Push-opened the door - empty. Gabra.

La! mana la pegi nya bibik aku ni. Kidnapped - the person could as well took off with my car. I actually did not switch-off my car and even left my hand bag tadi - becoz i thot Bibik was there! Haiyaa...

Someone up there must be joking with me. Gotto relax ...

Called my goodfriend 'G, Bibik.. bla, bla, bla (ceghite from mula..)'.
G : 'Laa - pegi mana? u ada marah dia ke?'.
me: 'no' and suddenly teghingat - maybe dalam kemelut fikiran i tertinggai bibik kat parking dak? 'oklah G, i'll call u later'.

I drove back to the condo, passed the guard house and dari jauh nampak bibik tersengeh with a few other indo maids who were washing kereta depanya boss. Apa lah agaknya story bibik kat depa. Anyway - WAS I GLAD TO SEE HER!

'Saya pergi pulangkan trolley langsung puan tinggal kan saya..' songeh je dia.. It's really funny. If only she knew how gabra i was.. bibik, bibik.

Or should it write - 'torts, torts'?

mukjizat cinta

terkial seketika
mengenjak dan membetulkan
kedudukan sepasang telapak
mencari keselesaan dan keyakinan
berlapikkan asas
yang entah bagaimana
akan mantap dan tegap
penangan drama 11 tahun
seiring perjalanan si tanggang

sesal hanyalah pada hati-hati
yang menuruti lalu menangisi
curahan air pada daun keladi

setiap dusta yang terbongkar
memaksa langkah berpimpin hati luka
tapi kesudahan di setiap penghujung hari
terlapis satu kekuatan

ku kaut
lapisan demi lapisan
bersama titis percikan
menyegarkan pepohon layu
yang kian pulih menghijau
bagai mukjizat cinta
dan berkat doa

Fine

It's been really quiet at home this week. O yes - workload at the office is keeping me very busy, but after office hour bila balik rumah - it's very quiet. I'd come home - tell bibik to prepare dinner and then had a very quiet dinner. Don't even feel like watching tv.

Q has gone back to kampong - cuti sekolah. So has Mak who has been with me since the signs turned reality.

Kesian Mak - all her life she worries for me. I once told her to stop worrying, that 'i am in control of things' surrounding me i.e my marriage, in-laws, work etc, etc. But mother knows best - it's their instinct. While i did not see what's in for me - she had known all along.. therefore the worries. Kesian Mak.. Now that the signs turned reality - i couldn't tell her that i am ok, could i?

She left with tears - worrying that i'd be lonely. And she's been calling from home - each subuh and maghrib. Each time I told her i am fine. Really - i am fine. It's been quiet but i am not lonely.

So what's the difference? My definition - quiet: no/less noise; lonely: feeling of emptiness. Current status - it has been quiet - but no - i am not feeling lonely. Good signs :)

Left d office about 6:30 pm yesterday. It's a smooth traffic ~ less than 30 mins - dah sampai rumah. Lepak kejap - took my shower and had dinner. After maghrib, for the first time - i hand-washed my car. Bibik terkejut when i told her to prepare the bucket and towels. She asked what for and terjerit when i told her i wanted to wash my car ~ "biar saya yang cuci, puan". I told her i need some exercise. She reminded me of the gym in the facility which i very seldom frequent.

So I washed my car. It was breezy, the stars were sparkling in the sky and there was me in my own thots. Very harmonious indeed - my discovery tonite of the place (that i have been living for the last 17 months). Hmm - things i've taken for granted therefore missing out in life.

I am now scheduling to take pleasure from the gym next.

Mak - i am really fine. Alhamdulillah.