Aku bersyukur kepadaMu
Dengan pertemuan yang telah engkau tentukan
Dan berpaut aku menumpang
kasih dan doa seorang anak
Aku berdoa padaMu Tuhan
Permudahkan perjalanan anakku
Makbulkan hasrat mulia dan doa
Berkati kehidupan kami
dan jadikan perpisahan ini hanya sementara
dan aku akan bertemu anakku lagi...
- Ummy @ 23 June 2005.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Damai @ Jabal Nur
1)
Di tengah panjatan Jabal Nur,
Niat menyusur puncak damai kekasih Allah,
Ku usap keindahan malam
- indahnya kerlipan Makkatul Mukarromah
- tenangnya kesamaran Jabal Nur dalam dakapan cahaya Baitullah
Ya Allah, Engkau yang Maha Esa.
2)
Dalam debaran kekaguman
Kegundahan menerjah
Tertitip air mata menerajui esakan sayu hiba
Akan esok yang pasti akan datang
Lalu terpisahlah aku dari rumahMu, Ya Allah.
3)
Sesungguhnya aku cinta segala yang dipertemukan di sini
Kasih bersemai
.. damai.
-Ummy @ 22 June 2005 @ Jabal Nur
Di tengah panjatan Jabal Nur,
Niat menyusur puncak damai kekasih Allah,
Ku usap keindahan malam
- indahnya kerlipan Makkatul Mukarromah
- tenangnya kesamaran Jabal Nur dalam dakapan cahaya Baitullah
Ya Allah, Engkau yang Maha Esa.
2)
Dalam debaran kekaguman
Kegundahan menerjah
Tertitip air mata menerajui esakan sayu hiba
Akan esok yang pasti akan datang
Lalu terpisahlah aku dari rumahMu, Ya Allah.
3)
Sesungguhnya aku cinta segala yang dipertemukan di sini
Kasih bersemai
.. damai.
-Ummy @ 22 June 2005 @ Jabal Nur
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Q
My son - Q, hubby and I were lepaking in our bedroom with some readings, when Q broke the silence with the following question, "Mom, what's bersetubuh?". Terjegey kejap mata - i thot 'alamak - macamana aku nak jawab ni'. For a while i did not move and as i was lying on the bed - i hoped Q would pass the question as 'mom has fallen asleep'. Hubby didn't help as well as he had actually pretended to be asleep! Then Q repeated his question.
This is actually on the 13 pantang larang dalam ihram. I took a shot ler.. "Ummm... bersetubuh is something to do with orang lelaki and perempuan yang dah kawin jer. Q tak perlu worry about that for the umrah, ok." Q replied with a quick "ok". I know he noticed the extended silence and somewhat knew what's it's about.
I also know my respond was not at all good but was the best i could offer at that mo. Donno if one day i'd have to revisit the question with Q. Perhaps he'll pick it up like i did when i was about his age dulu :).
Sometimes when hubby and I hugged and kissed (inosen ones & nothing sweaty) in his presence - he'd wear the smile with a squirk in his eyes and "ewwwe" us!
BTW - Q is going to be 10 in November, my mom's first and favourite cucu and is coming along on the umrah trip with me, mak, my brother and 2 uncles.
This is actually on the 13 pantang larang dalam ihram. I took a shot ler.. "Ummm... bersetubuh is something to do with orang lelaki and perempuan yang dah kawin jer. Q tak perlu worry about that for the umrah, ok." Q replied with a quick "ok". I know he noticed the extended silence and somewhat knew what's it's about.
I also know my respond was not at all good but was the best i could offer at that mo. Donno if one day i'd have to revisit the question with Q. Perhaps he'll pick it up like i did when i was about his age dulu :).
Sometimes when hubby and I hugged and kissed (inosen ones & nothing sweaty) in his presence - he'd wear the smile with a squirk in his eyes and "ewwwe" us!
BTW - Q is going to be 10 in November, my mom's first and favourite cucu and is coming along on the umrah trip with me, mak, my brother and 2 uncles.
The Guest
It has been a while since i last blogged, each new attempt ended with smtg unfinished. Still not used to blogging - i'd want to check and ensure that i fret and i fret correctly. Lots have happened and i want so much to blog about each but time is so limited.
3 weeks ago - i picked up on a nicely folded promise to beloved mak - i.e to temankan dia perform umrah. After arwah abah left us, mak expressed her wish.. she's counting on me and adik to 'handle' her on her wheelchair. Been almost 3 years now.. the workload with adik and i never get reduced - will it ever? Mak has always put our career above other things, but i know she's not getting younger - noone is. I want so much to fulfil her wish, while i have the opportunity.
Umrah countdown @ 10 days... so much to do, so litle time. Work is a real mess with last minute schedule changes and all.. and menatang benda alah that i'm handling is not smtg i could secure from hypermarkets. So much politics involved - internally within the company, inter depts and within the dept; externally from the mega clients and shitty vessel agents/owners. And the clock goes tick! tick! tick!
Today - the email has been yo-yoing - up, down, up and down. Yup! what better time/reason to blog.
Hmm.. becoming the guest. "Is this by invitation?" i have pondered. It sure is a big thing for me. In preparation - i so far managed to attend two sessions of 'kursus umrah'. The deeper i go - the more excited yet more nervous i get.
I have been crying hard - my preparedness tak seberapa. Heard a lot tentang dugaan di sana. I am scared anticipating ujian yang akan menimpa. At the same time - i look forward so much to visit places yang terjanji olehNya rahmat. If only - i cud just put everything kat ofis ni aside..and concentrate on my preparation. Wishful... but.
I can only pray - Tuhan lancarkan perjalanan ibadah umrah - asked for strength to face what's to come. Last week was the peak. The biggest fear is with my period which has been very unpredictable. Tension kot, huh? That very night - muhasabah diri or what i wasn't sure - i woke up in the middle of the night - cried so much, so hard. Everything jumbled up - workload pressure, the preparation, the excitement, the separation from hubby, mak's health, my son and everything else. Sunat hajat however went with only one wish - to get my period before i go so that it wud stay out of my way - all to handle mak and perform umrah.
I am blessed the very next morning. I got it. Just like that. One down. My close friend put it that i am already binded as a guest. I have faith in my faith.. so God willing - a good guest i shall be. I cud visualize me pushing mak performing tawaff "Labbaikallah..(In respond to Your call...)"
3 weeks ago - i picked up on a nicely folded promise to beloved mak - i.e to temankan dia perform umrah. After arwah abah left us, mak expressed her wish.. she's counting on me and adik to 'handle' her on her wheelchair. Been almost 3 years now.. the workload with adik and i never get reduced - will it ever? Mak has always put our career above other things, but i know she's not getting younger - noone is. I want so much to fulfil her wish, while i have the opportunity.
Umrah countdown @ 10 days... so much to do, so litle time. Work is a real mess with last minute schedule changes and all.. and menatang benda alah that i'm handling is not smtg i could secure from hypermarkets. So much politics involved - internally within the company, inter depts and within the dept; externally from the mega clients and shitty vessel agents/owners. And the clock goes tick! tick! tick!
Today - the email has been yo-yoing - up, down, up and down. Yup! what better time/reason to blog.
Hmm.. becoming the guest. "Is this by invitation?" i have pondered. It sure is a big thing for me. In preparation - i so far managed to attend two sessions of 'kursus umrah'. The deeper i go - the more excited yet more nervous i get.
I have been crying hard - my preparedness tak seberapa. Heard a lot tentang dugaan di sana. I am scared anticipating ujian yang akan menimpa. At the same time - i look forward so much to visit places yang terjanji olehNya rahmat. If only - i cud just put everything kat ofis ni aside..and concentrate on my preparation. Wishful... but.
I can only pray - Tuhan lancarkan perjalanan ibadah umrah - asked for strength to face what's to come. Last week was the peak. The biggest fear is with my period which has been very unpredictable. Tension kot, huh? That very night - muhasabah diri or what i wasn't sure - i woke up in the middle of the night - cried so much, so hard. Everything jumbled up - workload pressure, the preparation, the excitement, the separation from hubby, mak's health, my son and everything else. Sunat hajat however went with only one wish - to get my period before i go so that it wud stay out of my way - all to handle mak and perform umrah.
I am blessed the very next morning. I got it. Just like that. One down. My close friend put it that i am already binded as a guest. I have faith in my faith.. so God willing - a good guest i shall be. I cud visualize me pushing mak performing tawaff "Labbaikallah..(In respond to Your call...)"
Saturday, April 30, 2005
beauty lies in the eye of the beholder
when i was much younger - when mak was about my age now - i remember her often asking me on her looks. At that age – I wondered why she needed to ask? To me she's beautiful - still is with defined features. I got only a portion of her features - and thankful to God.
Each time I went through photos of her days in college - always thought she's hot. I would be so far behind if she's born during my days - or if i'm born during hers. Again - thank God. I am envious - yet proud :)
Apart from those photos in college, as far as i could remember - mak has always been - well - not thin; not plum either becoz she's leggy and has the height. Even now - she's taller than me. Kesian ... and beloved arwah abah used to call me 'katek'. Whose fault was that? Actually - can't tell - because abah was tall as well and so is my one and only beloved brother - adik. Then - katek pun no problem - becoz i was sweet and 'small'. Those were the days..
I called mak semalam - asked her - first - if she think i look older than my age. She answered with a specially controlled and calm tone of "napa yang?". I could read her thots – something to do with hubby. Jeng-jeng-jeng! My answer – “saja tanya, mak dulu pun selalu tanya, kan..?”. I know she’s still with “something-to-do-with-menantu-aku-ni” thot when she said “dak lah”.
My second question – “Mak nampak macam tort ni lebih tua dari S (hubby) dak?”. A soft “awat yang?” came next. Hmm… talk about the level of trust mak has in my hubby... I told the truth - that hubby’s birthday semalam reminded me of my years as well, bla, bla, bla … along the line that man even botak and with the bulges could still look good.. bla, bla, bla. Mak gave me a long answer - surrounding the beauty lies in the eye of the beholder line (in melayu version) – suppose to “pull” me up.
Then I came to my final question “Am I fat?” and she said “Yes”. Gloomy – gloomy – gloomy - still gloomy.
Each time I went through photos of her days in college - always thought she's hot. I would be so far behind if she's born during my days - or if i'm born during hers. Again - thank God. I am envious - yet proud :)
Apart from those photos in college, as far as i could remember - mak has always been - well - not thin; not plum either becoz she's leggy and has the height. Even now - she's taller than me. Kesian ... and beloved arwah abah used to call me 'katek'. Whose fault was that? Actually - can't tell - because abah was tall as well and so is my one and only beloved brother - adik. Then - katek pun no problem - becoz i was sweet and 'small'. Those were the days..
I called mak semalam - asked her - first - if she think i look older than my age. She answered with a specially controlled and calm tone of "napa yang?". I could read her thots – something to do with hubby. Jeng-jeng-jeng! My answer – “saja tanya, mak dulu pun selalu tanya, kan..?”. I know she’s still with “something-to-do-with-menantu-aku-ni” thot when she said “dak lah”.
My second question – “Mak nampak macam tort ni lebih tua dari S (hubby) dak?”. A soft “awat yang?” came next. Hmm… talk about the level of trust mak has in my hubby... I told the truth - that hubby’s birthday semalam reminded me of my years as well, bla, bla, bla … along the line that man even botak and with the bulges could still look good.. bla, bla, bla. Mak gave me a long answer - surrounding the beauty lies in the eye of the beholder line (in melayu version) – suppose to “pull” me up.
Then I came to my final question “Am I fat?” and she said “Yes”. Gloomy – gloomy – gloomy - still gloomy.
Friday, April 29, 2005
gloomy
gloomy - but i can hear the birds twitting. The sun is shining fine. Why is it then that i'm feeling gloomy.
Yesterday was hubby's b'day... With 4 months age difference - i somehow found myself calculating - and recalculating. Wonder if others go thru this - checking and rechecking the number of years we survive life. Hubby and I - we've aged this far...? we've been together this long..? "Where are we heading?" the question popped.
He's balding alright - he started after our 2nd year of marriage. Nope - it's hereditary - my father in law is bald as well. So - it's not completely my doing! In the beginning he kept checking on his balding progress. He was a little disturbed and depressed then. I symphatised - and played my part - convinced him that the hair does not matter. Take Sean Connery, Bruce Willis :) but never copy attempts by Sami Vellu or Sheikh Kadir! Thee hee! Yet i must say - hubby's looking good everyday.
With man it does not matter if you are bald or if you've got the extra bulge. But the same extra bulge on woman plus the accumulated years often make days gloomy..gloomy..
Yesterday was hubby's b'day... With 4 months age difference - i somehow found myself calculating - and recalculating. Wonder if others go thru this - checking and rechecking the number of years we survive life. Hubby and I - we've aged this far...? we've been together this long..? "Where are we heading?" the question popped.
He's balding alright - he started after our 2nd year of marriage. Nope - it's hereditary - my father in law is bald as well. So - it's not completely my doing! In the beginning he kept checking on his balding progress. He was a little disturbed and depressed then. I symphatised - and played my part - convinced him that the hair does not matter. Take Sean Connery, Bruce Willis :) but never copy attempts by Sami Vellu or Sheikh Kadir! Thee hee! Yet i must say - hubby's looking good everyday.
With man it does not matter if you are bald or if you've got the extra bulge. But the same extra bulge on woman plus the accumulated years often make days gloomy..gloomy..
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