wifey

during my single-again days - i often heard people saying 'jadi isteri ni memang mudah. you'd be collecting pahala from different forms of ibadah - with the right nawaitus'. weird that having been one for all those 11 years and gone through all the windings, ups and downs - i didnt have the chance to feel the very perspective.

Yet - i see lots of truth in the claim.. a wife preparing food for her husband is an ibadah, you hand him a glass of water is an ibadah, you pass him a towel, you touch and greet him with a smile, bentangkan sejadah... all are ibadahs - the bed scene is of course one 'heaven' of an ibadah. masyaallah.

Since darling husband got here, i naturally - seikhlasnya do my bit as a wife. all the possible bit - minus cooking - to his likings though. it takes time to pick up the way he does. dh is super duperly particular about how food is prepared at home. as a quick temporary measure - i take him eat outside! the pratas and naan suits him well and he has lessER complaints.
That was resorted after efforts i made - bangun pagi prepare some malaysian dishes on top of the standard breakfast cereal and fruits bit, and ended up with dh tak jamah sikit pun! kecik jugak hati - but i'm settled with the fact that when it comes to food, i gotto give DH lots, and i mean LOADDSSSSSS of discount. otherwise - sendiri makan hati.

i once asked - 'you still think i cant cook?'
dh 'no - i didnt think you cant cook. i know you cant cook'
and he put on that wicked smile.

it has been a week today that dh is with me. this morning at breakfast, i told dh that i should start making it a practice at the end of each day - to mintak maaf from hujung kaki ke hujung rambut - for all the intentional and unintentional sins i commit throughout the day.
and i put on the sweetest smile.

time in waiting

time passby so quickly when you aren't waiting,
not that i ain't waiting,
it's just that i can't afford the waiting
while needing to cover and get so many things done

not that there were less things yesterdays
it's just that today
when it's confirmed that you'd be here in a few hours time
time passby so bloody quickly
i donno if i could get anything at all done!

lentok

On the way home fr the office, singgah at adik's place to see mak and the kids. After days of having them with me, terasa sunyi pulak when everyone's gone.

soksek hidung dah reda -- but my chest was feeling tight. anticipating i wud be coughing my chest/heart out malam ni.. i need to get over this. i need a good strong cough syrup... i need to go see a doctor.

sigh.. if only hubby is around, if only i live a normal life like other couples/families do.. i could well pegi lentok kepala and get some TLCs and attention - definitely hubby dearest wud take me to see a doctor, surely...

it's not that i'm not able to 'take' myself see a doctor..
yes - memang penat with the hoohaa at work today that i was covering for my friday and monday off,
and yes - malasnya nak put on the basic proper attire to go out,
however - it simply would be nice if there's someone with you.. looking after and taking care of you.
fever or cough wud get better, quicker. no hal! sigh..

cough, cough, cough... tomorrow petang hubby will arrive. I cant afford to be sick.

2345 hrs - was at a clinic. told dr peter i need the strongest cough syrup and i need to rid the phlegm. he presribed some medicine and ended his nags with 'gargle ok!'. Sambil bangun about to leave him, said 'do i have an option?'. he responded 'not much but you cud get a jab'.
i stopped and went blink, blink, blink dok pikir.
he said 'take la.. that's the quickest'.
blink, blink - was thinking nak expose part of my bontot dekat pakcik ni la pulak.
'why bontot, and not the arms?'
blink, blink - hubby's short stay
blink, blink - i cant afford to be sick

pulled down my pants a bit - enuf for the jab.
blink, blink - 'ouch!'

'make sure no milk, no eggs, or you'll have to see me again'

i said - 'no milk, no eggs, i dont want to see you - not for the next 3 weeks!'

i pray to live a normal life, soon.

senggot kehidupan

senggot kiri
senggot kanan
heghort bengot..
who can tell what lies ahead - awaiting
who can tell what lies behind the eyes, the smile ...

(for naz & yani with love and many thanks xxx)

contra nervous

i have a long-long list of things to do before the arrival of beloved husband dearest in - 46 hours time. but all i feel like doing is - put my head on the pillow, toss to the left a bit and probably to the right, a couple of blinks, and doze off peacefully. can i?

preference

something triggered that prompted for the question - of me being naive or stupid or gullible?
feedback
- neither naive nor stupid nor gullible.
- smart but straight and a bit islamic.

need to work on the bit being islamic, otherwise i am ok with that. i dont want to have hidden agendas in my life.

Life is about options ..

q u e s t i o n m a r k s

?
h o w
c o u l d
s o m e o n e
s o
p r e c i o u s
c a u s e
s o
m u c h
h e a r t a c h e
?
h a s
y o u r
w o u n d
t u r n e d
y o u
b l i n d
a n d
h a r d
o r
h a s
m y
w o u n d
t u r n e d
m e
s e a r c h i n g
a n d
v u l n e r a b l e
?
t i m e
a n d
d i s t a n c e
?

. . .

suluh

revisited
compiled
sad :(

it has been a long winding road
still is

reactivated
Suluh is reborn

Revisit - GODSEND

Sunday, August 06, 2006
G O D S E N D

"Guidance of the Day:
Making it Happen: Stop trying so hard to make it happen. Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen. Making things happen is controlling. We can take positive action to help things happen. We can do our part. But many of us do much more than our part. Controlling is self-defeating. It doesn't work. By over-extending ourselves to make something happen, we may actually be stopping it from happening.

Do your part in relaxed, peaceful harmony. Then let it go. Just let it go. Force yourself to let it go, if necessary. Put as much energy into letting go as you have into trying to control. You will get much better results. It may not happen. It may not happen the way we wanted it to and hoped it would. But our controlling wouldn't have made it happen either. Learn to let things happen because that's what they'll do anyway. And while we are waiting to see what happens, we'll be happier and so will those around us. [The Language of Letting Go]

Food for Thought:
Watch, wait. Time will unfold and reveal its purpose. Patience cannot be forced. It is a gift, one that closely follows acceptance and gratitude. "

counting again

17 days to go.
sigh..

The wiggleys

Was working in the balcony - attending to my pot plants. They've grown - beranak pinak since my last socializing with them. I needed to re-pot.

Had earlier decided not be interupted - cancelled/postponed all outside schedule to take my time doing things in-house. It's a peaceful morning.

Engelberg Humperdinck was in the background. Singing along, 'travelled' to those days in almarhum arwah abah's green peugeot 204 PN8342. Quite melekakan, bila sedar - terasa lenguh la pulak. Stretched - sempat danced a few rounds to the music.

Felt good - thought it would be nice if hubby was around. Then again - he could be a pain - who knows? :) while he's not here - i'd savour my peaceful moments.

Bumped into the wiggleys - the earth worms that is - while re-potting. Eeewe! autoreact - fingers genggam, tangan held back, kerekot. Geli is not the word, perhaps - jijik. If it was not for the glove i had on. Cound not imagine a direct contact with these little yulky creatures, despite appreciating the wonders they are doing to the plants. In their dark world - they are making rooms allowing the greens to breathe. Masyaallah! Using my glove - distributed them - making sure each of my pot hosts the wiggleys.

While watching one wiggling patiently into the wet soil, it came to me that one day -jijik or yulky - we would be going into their world.

In their dark world... Some serious thinking there. Life is too short.

the walk ii

An insight that leaves me thinking...
"...They are all of roads/paths leading somewhere and trees that grow high up into the sky. Coincident? I don’t think so...."

the walk

the promise

If you wait for me then
Ill come for you
Although Ive traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me,
if you miss me once in awhile
Then Ill return to you
Ill return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If youll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place thats warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
Remembering Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If youll be waiting
Ive longed for you
and I have desired
To see your face
your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If youll be waiting
Ive longed for you
and I have desired
To see your face,
your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
Please say youll be waiting
Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise
if its one that you can keep,
I vow to come for you
If you wait for me
and say youll hold
A place for me in your heart.

affirmation

w o k e
i n
t h e
m i d s t
o f
t h e
n i t e
t r y i n g
to
r e a f f i r m
i f
i
w a s
t h e r e
w i t h
y o u
o r
i f
y o u
w e r e
h e r e
w i t h
m e

i a m h e r e o n m y o w n

your call

no expressions left unsaid
no gestures left undone
no prayers left unsent

i am about done

it's your call

the state of being

to

1) zerorize expectation
2) no one-some
3) pray harder

25 years leap

Each one has their own interesting stories.
I'd like to phrase them as fillers of the leap. It cud be by choice that the fillers are reflective on the individual's face.

And the face reflects the state of mind while a picture paints a thousand words.

One could be alone yet happy with it, the other may have everyone by herside - but still searching.

I just hope i'm real..

difference

there's a world of difference between 'wanting to' and 'obligated to'.