xxx

many a times my thoughts have flown unbidden
many a times i have not found words enough to express
how special a place you hold in my heart
you have made my life a dream come true
sweetheart, i am glad i found you..

----------------------------------------

i'm so glad you're part of my life. i love you more and more each day xxx

Life Goes On

Back to life, and everything else seems more important. Life goes on..

Reborn

Alhamdulillah.

Awa is done with Hajj. MAy Allah accepts all your ibadah and bless you with Haji Mabroora.

Praying that you are all so refreshed - renewed - reborn...

Amin.

missing you

missing you much
could almost feel
my heart slipping out
venturing
to where you are

wishing we're together...

7-24 December 2007 - AWA @ Hajj

Labbaikallaahumma Labbaik

It's a form of His rahmat on you - to be amongs His selected guest.
Go for it - soul searching, soul cleansing and come back - reborn!

May Allah bless you with a smooth journey and a mabrur Hajj.

xxx

Some up-lifting words!

: Trust in Allah and we will get through this together
: Please keep your head high we are nearly there!

: keep training I want you easy to lift

5-Dec-2007

2 years ago - today, received my talaq. Life has been tough - but alhamdulillah it gets better.

i wonder

a: love you tonnesssssssssssss. you know that don't you

n: aaaa....... :) some times i do, other times i wonder

Sze Ma Lam

As much as you'd like to keep a relationship, it's best to stay away from nurturing it, knowing the possibilities of things that could happen next. It is sad to let go - that special bond. It'll always be a very special bond.

It's about options and choices; sacrifices made for our love ones.

You can't have it all... Life's like that.

20-28th October 2007 AWA again

It seemed like forever waiting for you at the airport...

Finally - again!

xxx

15 Syaaban 1428

Ya Allah
di dalam keberkatan malam nisfu syaaban
dan segala lipatan rahsianya
aku bermohon kepadaMu
ampunilah dosaku
terimalah taubatku
panjangkan usiaku dengan kemanisan dan kerinduan ibadah untuk Mu
tingkatkan imanku dengan ketenangan dan keredhaan atas setiap ketentuan Mu
rezekikan aku dengan cinta suci kasih sayangMu

Ya Allah
sekiranya tiba waktuku
melewati penghujung perjalanan
matikan aku dalam iman

Amin

- suluh -

Peace

A certainty
in this heart
and mind
that
i am
using my life
for worthy purpose
that each day
i am
able to love more
than the day before
that i am
becoming
a better person
each day
that in my own way
i am
touching and improving
the lives of others
it is maintained
with the conviction
that the way
i am spending energies
of my life
makes sense..

O God, guide me and bless me with your love.
Amin.

- suluh -

Return

Everyday
is a day closer
to reaching this journey home
to return to Him
where we belong

Posted By suluh

calls

i could hear
my heart calls on you
with each touch of heart warming beauty

the gentle breeze caressing
the stars glittering
the sun and its rays
the birds chirping
the butterfly teasing the blooming flowers
the swaying falling leaves
the lushful green hills
the white cloud painting the blue sky
the rich colour of dawn

the thoughts of your whispers
the memories of our laughters

i could hear
my heart calls on you
through my dreams
we laugh and love
and simply 'being'
you and i
feeling each other once again

could you hear it?

xxx

11/03/07 !

You don't need a man's love to prepare you in the return journey to meet God. You only need God's love. Others, if come your way, are merely life's bonus.
- 1 Muharram 1428

Love cures ..

Guidance of the Day:
Love cures people------ both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. The effects of experiencing genuine compassion reach far beyond our own lives. It can transform our world in ways we could never imagine. It is the willingness to receive and be received that is the most fulfilling and enduring of our shared moments. Through our willingness to participate in and to witness each other's growth, we become guardians of each other's souls, guides for each other's journey. Then we can lead each other into the light as well as the dark places-----the abyss of old hurts, childhood wounds, and long-held fears, which must be illuminated and understood if we are to grow.

Love is there----always. It lives as we live. This is the essence that gives breath to our bodies and to our souls. This is the breath of God. It infuses each of us with life and purpose. It endows us with the grace to give and receive the way our bodies breathe out and breathe in. In the end, the measure of our lives will be the sum total of the love that we have shared; of those selfless, loving moments that coalesce to define a life whose marrow and being is the expression of our birthright.

L O V E

If there is anything better than to be loved it is loving.
We will never know how to worship until we know how to love.
We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.
A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.
Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction..

Poem found

" I want to be your companion, and walk hand in hand, your strength enveloping mine.
Autumn leaves falling, scuffing feet and laughter, sharing nights, not finished by the dark.
I want to be your confidant, as you pen your deepest thoughts, as your heartaches bleed and finally break free. Your dreams, I keep as if my own.
I want to smile as you smile and giggle with you at nothing at all.
I want to be your lover and find the passions that move you to action.
I want to be the softness that induces you to trust. I want to be the naughtythat makes you come back for more.
I want to please you.
I want to share your breakfast and your dinner,
I want you in the shower and in your bed and with soft steps to bring you coffee (I take mine black)
Your strong arms, the legs that power your thrust, your lips of pleasure, these are the fuel of my desire
No it is no secret, my love,
and to put it very simply,
I want you."



i want to be your makmum in our solah
to amen all the doa we seek for life's barokah
i want to mother your children - if that's meant to be
or simply 'walk' with you for the remaining of our journey
i love you, truly.

d o w n h i l l

weary with this helplessness
waiting for something
which could possibly be nothing

hate this guilt
ashamed of the wrong-doings..

miss him
want him
"have faith, we'll make it through"
will we?
could we?

will He let us be?

miss the peace of mind
fear of the growing distance of Your love
guilt and shameful

but where have i got to turn to
but to You

will You still listen to me?

Understanding the messages

Have been trying to find means to understand the Quran. Sedih bila mendengar tapi tak mampu menikmati keindahan kata-kata Tuhan.
My experience during the last umrah in Ramadhan seolah mendesak the pencarian. Bacaan surah and doa dalam terawikh made many cry - surah dihayati and doa diaminkan dengan penuh pengharapan. Except for the Fatihah, I don't understand any the ayat from the surah nor the doa, but its simply beyond words to describe the feeling to being there with millions of other muslimin mengaminkan doa pada Yang Satu. Terasa shahdu, terasa dikasihi. At the same time terasa ruginya tak memahami...

Back in M'sia, met Kak Ani who is a committee member of the masjid at one of the terawikh in Al-Falah. Our conversation brought me to mention about my interest in arabic class should there be one. Then semangat masih terbakar... Yup - those days when tahap iman terasa terbelai.

It's been almost 4 months. Many things happened within the period. Dalam kemelut keresahan - mixture of loneliness and kejauhan penurunan level of iman, hilang tak keruan how to be back on track, I received a call from Kak Ani. Was in KSB when she called about the arabic class she found.

Tonite i attended my first class on memahami bahasa al-quran. The class is packed with messages and peringatan. Susah nak digambarkan - but terasa disayangi...

Allaahumma inni as aluka salaamatan fiddeen...