He knows

We may think
what we wished for
is the best for us
but He
and only He knows what's best for each of us.

Make doa
Let God

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah...

Makbulkanlah

what did i do to deserve this?

astarghfirullaahal'adzeem..
astarghfirullaahal'adzeem..
astarghfirullaahal'adzeem..

continuing making doa that my atlasman gets his wishes
not to be relocated to the uk and could remain in malaysia for a very long time.

continuing making doa that i get my wishes

Ya Allah, makbulkanlah..

-solace-

Perjalanan

Alhamdulillah, am very thankful that terpanggil lagi menjadi tetamu Allah. My trip this time is @ solo. "Aku hanya perlukan Mu, Tuhanku. Tolonglah - permudahkan perjalanan hambaMu."

Dugaan awal was that the group - 39 of us and all the 38 were total strangers to me, were standed in KLIA for 29 hours. The original plan was etd KLIA-Jeddah on 22/9 @ 1945 hrs. At 1900 hrs we were told of the flight delay and that we were to check-in at the PacPacific Hotel. Everyone seemed okay and minding my own business - i did as told and got myself locked-in comfortably in Room 530. Family, friends and atlasman notified. Alhamdulillah - i took the delay rather calmly. Anyway - pasal i was on my own, i called the agent rep almost every hourly to check on our flight progress. Not much of a help as the airline has not yet reverted to them - but was told definitely we'll fly the next day.

Like i could sleep soundly waiting for what's next.. anyway - masa terluang i capitalised to revise the guide for perjalanan umrah - completed all 3 books, alhamdulillah.

23/9 Got up the next day - called the rep and was informed still no available info on our flight schedule. Each hour my sabr went thinning. Began pondering apa di sebalik kejadian..

May be Tuhan tak mengizinkan perancangan umrah ini.. timbul rasa sedih and sayu - but who's giving up. Not moi... niat yang mulia insyaallah Tuhan akan beserta..

From breakfast to lunch, from lunch to dinner and i gave up on the rep (not that it's his fault) and called SaudiAir directly. Flight leaving Jakarta aound 9pm wud eta KLIA about 11pm. Gedebuk-gedebak we'll fly around mid nite.
moi : "what's the cause of this delay, may i know?"
s.air : "oh it's some engine problem, maam."
moi : "aa.. engine problem? is it okay now?".
s.air : "insyallah - it's been fixed."

Yeah - after this much delay - i should take this guy's words that the aircraft engine's problem has been fixed. For a while hati penakutku mendabik. Menetes airmata - hello! sape tak takut mati - especially when you know preparation is so cikai... astaghfirullah. Really - it was a scary moment. Nak buat apa lagi kalau dah sampai waktu - it's no turning back. Terbayang dosa-dosa lalu, wajah mak and anak as well as all love ones. Teresak and shahdu habis! But lepas puas nangis, i leave it to God - tawakkaltu'alallah.

We checked out at 2230hrs. Flight midnite as earlier scheduled.

Alhamdulillah - perjalanan di tanah haram lancar - dengan pertolongan Tuhan.

Nikmatnya..

Done

My Atlasman,
you said "hello"
and you said "i'm done. i'm really done..."

Alhamdulillah.

valid?

kenapa dibiar diri melukai hati
dah nyata
tak dipinta pergi
tak dipinta menanti

pilihanmu sendiri yang membawa
ribut dan kacaunya hati

sekadar bisikan terledak rasa
kuatnya kasih
dalamnya cinta
sekadar bisikan…
apakah valid untuk disandarkan?
apakah tak tersia untuk dititip?
kenangan semalam pun menjadi bayangan
yang kian pudar

tangisan mengiring indahnya semalam
pedih terasa hati
menitip semalam di alam nyata
tapi semalam itu
dah terlalu lama berlalu
semalam itu kini menjadi zon
yang menghidupkan kepedihan
pedih sepedihnya

kenapa masih dilewati semalam
kenapa dibiarkan diri melukai hati?

validkah ledakan rasa ini?

KepadaMu Kekasih

KepadaMu Kekasih
Aku berserah
Kerana ku tahu Kau lebih mengerti
Apa yang terlukis di cermin wajahku ini
Apa yang tersirat di hati
Bersama amali

KepadaMu Kekasih
Aku bertanya
Apakah Kau akan menerimaku kembali
Atau harus menghitung lagi
Segala jasa dan bakti
Atau harus mencampakku ke sisi
Tanpa harga diri

Hanya padaMu Kekasih
Aku tinggalkan
Jawapan yang belum ku temukan
Yang bakal aku nantikan
Bila malam menjemputku lena beradu

KepadaMu Kekasih
Aku serahkan
Jiwa dan raga
Jua segalanya
Apakah Kau akan menerima penyerahan ini
Apakah Kau akan menerimaku
Dalam keadaan begini

- Jamal Abdillah, Hattan & M.Nasir

29 Shaaban 1427 - 22 September 2006

Ya Allah...
ampuni dosaku
lancarkan perjalananku
terimalah ibadahku
aku mohon ketenangan
aku mohon keberkatan
aku mohon petunjukMu.

Ya Allah...
kedatangan hambaMu
untuk penyucian hati dan jiwa

Ya Allah...
Yang maha pengasih
Lagi maha penyayang
Dengan izinMu
Hamba menyahut panggilan!

let go

enough
is enough
let go
xxx
make doa
let God

Umrah II (22/09/06 / 29 Shaaban 1427)

Ya Allah...
ampuni dosaku
lancarkan perjalananku
terimalah ibadahku
aku mohon ketenangan
aku mohon keberkatan
aku mohon petunjukMu.

Ya Allah...
kedatangan hambaMu
untuk penyucian hati dan jiwa

Ya Allah...
Yang maha pengasih
Lagi maha penyayang
Dengan izinMu
Hamba menyahut panggilan!

di persinggahan

Tersasar dalam perjalanan
Tak menyangka
Terlajak di persinggahan
Melewati subuh

Nyaman
Syahdu
Terasa nak berlama
Menikmati tenangnya kedamaian subuh
Di persinggahan ini

Tenangnya sehingga aku terlena
Sempat bermimpi indah

Mentari pagi
Terang mengabur mimpi
Terjaga

Perjalanan kuteruskan

Ya Allah !
Hanya kasihMu yang kuperlukan…
Temani perjalananku

SENJA

Indahnya senja
melepaskan episod sehari
terasa percikan bahagia...
tatkala mengertikan linangan airmata.

tertanya..
apakah mesejMu Tuhan?

Wishful

Ya Allah,
Grant me a peace of mind.

Amiin.

e p i s o d

-I-
siang malam
resah berhempas sepi

ku pohon ketenangan dan petunjuk
payah tapi tegar
gugup berseli yakin

ku selami
cuba menjiwai
erti setiap episod kejadian

-II-
ku tunggu suara
yang menyepi
terlalu lamanya
hampir terlerai genggaman berharap
hampir goyah shahdu doa

kala ku lepas genggaman
kau kirim sekadar bisikan
tapi kuatnya kasih
bisikan meledak rasa
dan aku pun
kembali menggenggam harap
kembali berdoa shahdu

dan ku tunggu suara
yang menyepi
lagi..

-III-
sebak
tak pernah terduga

kau ingin jadi aku sebahagian dari mu
kau ingin jadi sebahagian dari ku

seikhlasnya
semulianya
seindahnya

tapi hatimu
bukan milik mu sorang

manakan mampu
aku capai bahagia
bila hati mereka terluka...

biarlah
siang malam
meresah berhempas sepi

ku pohon ketenangan dan petunjuk
payah kian tegar
gugup kian yakin

ku selami
cuba menjiwai
erti setiap episod kejadian

-IV-
Engkau maha mendengar
Engkau menduga dan menguji kesabaran hambaMu

payah kian tegar
gugup kian yakin

yang dinanti menyepi
yang bersuara tak mungkin kesampaian

terdetik
masih ada kasih..

sabar demi waktu
Engkau maha mengetahui..

G O D S E N D

"Guidance of the Day:
Making it Happen: Stop trying so hard to make it happen. Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen. Making things happen is controlling. We can take positive action to help things happen. We can do our part. But many of us do much more than our part. Controlling is self-defeating. It doesn't work. By over-extending ourselves to make something happen, we may actually be stopping it from happening.

Do your part in relaxed, peaceful harmony. Then let it go. Just let it go. Force yourself to let it go, if necessary. Put as much energy into letting go as you have into trying to control. You will get much better results. It may not happen. It may not happen the way we wanted it to and hoped it would. But our controlling wouldn't have made it happen either. Learn to let things happen because that's what they'll do anyway. And while we are waiting to see what happens, we'll be happier and so will those around us. [The Language of Letting Go]

Food for Thought:
Watch, wait. Time will unfold and reveal its purpose. Patience cannot be forced. It is a gift, one that closely follows acceptance and gratitude. "


Thank you, God.

H O M E

I am in the midst of my journey

Ya Allah
Bless me with Your guidance
for me to be
and remain
on the right path

I am indeed on my way
and only wish to arrive home
peacefully
beautifully
to face You.

Amin.

The Rose

Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love it is a flower,
And you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

And the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love,
In the spring, becomes a rose.

Die a little

Everytime we say goodbye, I die a little,
Everytime we say goodbye, I wonder why a little,
Why the Gods above me, who must be in the know.
Think so little of me, they allow you to go.

When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor,
Everytime we say goodbye.

When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor,
Everytime we say goodbye.

By Cole Porter

God IS in the know
He allows him to go ...
and each time, i die a little

Pujuk

Redhalah..

setiap kekosongan
setiap kesakitan
setiap kepedihan
setiap titisan airmata

Semoga terampun dosa.




Subhanaka laa'ilmalanaa
illaamaa 'allam tanaa
innaka antal 'aleemulhakeem

thinking

wakey-wakey

are you still there,
or have you stepped out
and walked away?
how far have you gone?
while i remain
with my day dreaming
at the very spot
waiting..
how much longer would it be
before i get the wakeup call?